Chris Porter
@IamChrisPorter
Followers
16K
Following
8K
Media
309
Statuses
8K
Comedian. Kansan. Last minute celebrity. 3 one hour specials on Amazon. Occasional Rock & Roll entourage member.
The Cosmos
Joined March 2009
Just texted myself a joke idea and then got mad cause someone was texting me so late.
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I don’t know who invented the QR code @netflix login but I hope they get blow jobs every day* cause…🤌 *they don’t
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Me: *never searched for any Green Day song ever in my whole life* @Spotify : Green Day B-sides all day, deal with it.
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FYI: Due to flight delays, @iamchrisporter's Thursday show is cancelled. He is still performing Fri/Sat! Ticketholders - check for an email and we'll call you with options.
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I just said ‘peace out, dude’ to someone… That’s enough of the 90’s rap videos for me for while.
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NOW ON SALE 👉 @funnybrad at @ChicagoTheatre on Saturday, December 28 with special guest @IamChrisPorter! 🎟️ https://t.co/k6HzYb77lJ
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If you really want to get back at Harrison Butker then donate $50 to your favorite women’s rights charities every time he misses a kick…or every time he makes one…either way…or if you can afford it, every time he says something stupid or has a dumb look on his face.
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I’m as excited as all of you for the new Spinal Tap movie but let’s be clear…there was already a sequel. And it was…okay. The Return of Spinal Tap
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Ray Charles, Otis Redding, Keith Richards, George Clinton, and Obama…and Robert Downey Jr.
Who’s your dream blunt rotation
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Pretty soon Alabama is gonna say sperm is a baby and dudes are gonna have to start marrying their gym sock.
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ATTENTION!!! You’ve heard about it … you’ve read about it …. Now here we comeeeeeeeee That’s right the Campfire Astronauts are doing a select few tour dates in 2024!! Christian James Hand and Zack Mack too! Tickets available now!! Let’sgo!
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The 3 inalienable truths of the #NFL: 1. Falcons gonna Falcon* 2. Vikings gonna Vike** 3. Cowboys gonna Cowboy*** *blow it **blow it in a spectacular way ***just now show up
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No matter the jokes I’ve made, I will never deny that Nick Saban is one of the greatest college football coaches of all time. He deserves every statue they make of him.
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I don’t under stand all this @jokoy hatred. I watched the first five of the GG monologue and people were laughing. Was he nervous? Sure but who wouldn’t be. Maybe it got worse in the back half, but from what I saw he did fine.
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