GrumpySkeletor
@GrumpySkeletor
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Parody. Not affiliated in any way with Masters of The Universe, Mattel or Filmation.
Snake Mountain
Joined March 2014
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Donate a coffee and tell me when your birthday is and I'll send you a personalised GrumpySkeletor poem on the day! 💀👍
(Please leave email address details!)
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Why would He-Man insult me by calling me "bonehead", when I would NEVER call him "shit-for-brains and bellend"? Oh well, I try so hard to be his friend - and maybe someday that will happen!
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To He-Man: NEVER, EVER THREATEN SNAKE MOUNTAIN AGAIN OR YOU WILL SUFFER CONSEQUENCES THE LIKES OF WHICH FEW THROUGHOUT HISTORY HAVE EVER SUFFERED BEFORE. WE ARE NO LONGER AN EVIL STRONGHOLD THAT WILL STAND FOR YOUR DEMENTED WORDS OF FUCKING TWADDLE & UTTER BULLSHIT. BE CAUTIOUS!
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Even I’d resign at this stage, and I’m a right evil slag.
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I'd like to wish everyone a happy new year.
Apart from He-Man, obviously. He can fuck right off.
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An evil overlord hellbent on causing unnecessary turmoil and needless misery upon their land, and me, writing my shopping list
#Article50
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I was just sat here wondering why no-one gets killed on Eternia with a gun. Then I realised it's mainly down to there being no guns on the planet. Almost like there's a DIRECT FUCKING CORRELATION BETWEEN THE TWO.
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I’d like to take this opportunity to deny any rumours that I held a lavish party during lockdown at Snake Mountain at Christmas last year. I may be an evil overlord, but I’m not a complete fucking arsehole.
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Everything I am I owe to this guy.
Happy Father’s Day!
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Just asked He-Man what his favourite sitcom is. He replied 'Mrs Brown's Boys' so I had no option but to throw him out of the fucking window.
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What sort of cunt admits to that
My name is Adam and as a 43 year old adult I still occasionally grab a pretend sword and shout at the top of my voice 'By the Power of Greyskull' in the hope I turn into He-Man
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I hope you all have a miserable weekend, you bunch of pricks.
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I may be evil, but I’m not THAT fucking evil.
BREAKING: Skeletor has thrown his hat into the ring to become next Tory leader. He is the most moderate candidate to enter the race so far x
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Just asked He-Man what bands he's into at the moment. He replied "Mumford & Sons and Maroon 5" and I've never been less surprised in my entire fucking life.
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I wake up every single day knowing my life is going to be ruined by a pompous, arrogant, self-serving tit with a ridiculous haircut.
And now so will you, United Kingdom!
#fuckboris
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Instead of guns, everyone should be armed with a Havoc Staff. In 35 years I haven't managed to accurately hit a single fucking thing.
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Why do I have a skullface? Because I once watched 3 minutes of Mrs Brown's Boys and had to immediately dunk my head in a vat of acid to try and forget.
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In 1999 Noel Edmonds was so upset that the BBC cancelled Noel’s House Party that he did a big shit in the Blue Peter pond.
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Just asked He-Man what bands he's into at the moment. He replied "Mumford & Sons and Maroon 5" and I've never been less surprised in my entire fucking life.
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He-Man has just turned up to offer his hand in friendship, saying if Kim Jong-un and Moon Jae-in can put aside their differences then perhaps so could we for the good of all Eternia.
Obviously I told him to get fucked.
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Highlight of my day had to be when I called He-Man a massive shitbiscuit and then escaped on my jet pack.
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Here’s a letter from Rachel, 7, from Sheffield, England.
“Dear GrumpySkeletor, who would win in a fight between you and Peppa Pig?”
Well Rachel, I’m built like a brick shithouse and an overlord of evil so I would easily win, you daft twat.
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Why do I have a skullface? Because I once saw 3 mins of Mrs Brown's Boys & had to immediately dunk my head in a vat of acid to try & forget
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Nigel Farage popped round last night and wouldn't stop crying about not getting the Brexit he wanted. At least I think that's what he was on about - I was too busy waiting to see if he noticed that I'd served him up a glass of Beast Man's piss.
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Massively pissed off because the deliveroo delivery guy couldn't find my address, despite Snake Mountain being a MOUNTAIN WITH A FUCKING SNAKE ON IT.
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I wouldn’t inflict this punishment on anyone, and I’m a fucking evil overlord.
Mrs Brown’s Boys Live will replace Match of the Day on BBC One tomorrow night.
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He-Man is a total loser who made up stories in order to sell this really boring and untruthful book. He used Soggy Mer-Man, who cried when he got fired and begged for his job. Now Soggy Mer-Man has been dumped like a fish by almost everyone. Too bad!
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I have a skull for a face, live in a shithole and my henchmen are useless pricks.
Still, on the plus side, at least I’m not James Corden.
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Prince Adam hasn’t aged well.
Women attack Burger King manager behind counter 'when they're denied free fries'
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He-Man is waiting for a bus, but they don't run on bank holidays.
Not going to tell him though, as he's an arsehole
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Hi everyone. I was going to ask you all if you had a good weekend, but then I realised I don't give a shit, so I won't.
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Talk to someone if you’re struggling. Don’t suffer on your own. It helps, trust me.
Don’t talk to He-Man though. He’s only interested in himself and posing in his furry underpants in front of the mirror, the fucking dicksplash.
#MentalHealthAwarenessDay
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It's too fucking hot to lay siege to Castle Grayskull today so I'm just going to stay in eating mint Cornettos and watch the football in my pants.
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Not sure why some people are complaining about the possibility of a black man playing James Bond when in 1987 I had a white man portraying me in Masters of the Universe instead of a skull faced guy with blue skin and you didn't see me losing my shit over it.
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Why do I have a skullface? Because I once saw 3 minutes of Mrs Brown's Boys and had to immediately dunk my head in a vat of acid to try and forget.
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In 1999 Noel Edmonds was so upset that the BBC cancelled Noel’s House Party that he did a big shit in the Blue Peter pond.
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Kim Jong-un just fucking hit me on the head with this, the crazy little shitbag.
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Stay informed but try not to read or watch too much news. It’s unhealthy for the mind and soul and can become overwhelming.
Turn it off and go for a walk and listen to the birds singing in the trees, breathe in some fresh air or pop round to see He-Man and call him a dicksplash.
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Pissed off because the Deliveroo delivery guy couldn’t find my address, despite Snake Mountain being a MOUNTAIN WITH A MASSIVE FUCKING SNAKE ON IT.
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Had to just interrupt Evil-Lyn from telling me her thoughts on Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s decision to step back as senior royals as I couldn't give a solitary flying fuck
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Anyone know the precise coordinates of the location of where this is being filmed?
Asking for a friend.
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In all seriousness it’s not funny, amusing or clever to say that the pictures of Prince Philip leaving hospital look like me. Show some respect.
There’s no comparison. He looks fucking dreadful and I’m clearly buff as fuck.
Merry Christmas.
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If the reboot of Masters of the Universe is not called The Amazing Adventures of Skeletor and Some Massively Annoying Twats, I’m going to be fucking livid.
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Donald Trump just fucking hit me on the head with this, the crazy orange shitbag.
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I can’t even drive to Greggs for a sausage, bean and cheese melt without being bothered by this fucking plum.
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If life gets you down just remember that at least you don’t have a skull for a face and you’re not being constantly being bullied by a fucking dicksplash in furry underpants.
Happy New Year.
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I’ve only been impeached once, and I’m an overlord of evil for fucks sake.
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So this happened today and now poor old Beast Man's in agony with an arsehole the size of a wizard's sleeve.
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Skeletor's scrotum.
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I hope you all have a miserable weekend, you bunch of pricks.
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Not sure how your day went today but I spent most of mine being chased by a fucking comet.
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Why do I have a skullface? Because I once watched 3 minutes of Mrs Brown's Boys and had to immediately dunk my head in a vat of acid to try and forget.
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As if I didn't have enough problems in my life, the fucking ThunderCats have just turned up.
ThunderCunts, more like.
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Sat watching the news and wondering how Donald Trump manages to be an even bigger arsehole than He-Man.
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He-Man has just informed me that there’s only 40 sleeps until Christmas so he’s left me with no option other than to punch him square on his bellend.
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An arrogant evil overlord standing next to a bumbling, useless, subservient, simpering, spineless minion.
And me and Beast Man.
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I can teleport myself over vast distances and send telepathic commands to my minions. I'm a master of hypnotism, can summon freeze rays from my fingers and can open gateways between dimensions.
I'd still fucking love the power to decommission Mrs Brown's Boys from BBC1 though.
If you were a superhero, what power would you like to have?
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When He-Man said he was going to have toad in the hole later, I wasn't picturing THIS.
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It's
#WorldKindnessDay
, a day when people should reflect on how their words or actions impact others, and perhaps do a good deed for someone or pay them a compliment.
I don't believe in it though, so I'm nipping round to Castle Grayskull to kick He-Man right in the ballsack.
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Didn’t capture Castle Grayskull today, but Prince Adam did call The Sorceress ‘Mum’ by mistake so basically I’ve just spent the entire day taking the piss out of him and he’s fucking gutted.
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He-Man has posted a photo of his lunch on Instagram with the word “nom” just in case you were wondering how much of a fucking wanker he really is.
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Hi Katie. I suspect Beast Man has tapeworms. Is it true you can coax them out by holding an onion close to the anus? Thanks in advance, GS x
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It's perfectly normal behaviour to go to bed wearing boots, furry underpants and a breastplate. Well, perfectly normal if you're a fucking idiot.
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Had my entire face burnt off with acid, raised an army of powerful minions on my own, took over as ruler of Snake Mountain, won Butlins Minehead knobbly knees competition in 1984 and can fit 28 Pringles in my mouth in one go.
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Reasons I hate Christmas:
-He-Man never takes a fucking day off.
-I keep getting tubs of Quality Street as gifts when I ask for Roses.
-Mrs Brown's Boys will be on, and I'd rather repeatedly smash my nutsack between two bricks than watch a single second of that absolute shite.
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I've only just discovered it missing. I'm fucking LIVID.
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Tell me about it.
More unrealistic body expectations.
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Didn't capture Castle Grayskull again today.
Still managed to look fucking fabulous though.
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Time Magazine called to say that I was PROBABLY going to be named "Most Modest, Awesome, Skull-faced Evil Overlord (Person) of the Year,” like last year, but I would have to agree to an interview and a major photo shoot. I said probably is no good and took a pass. Thanks anyway!
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Was due to hold peace talks with He-Man later in the month but I've decided to pull out for no other reason other than him being a complete fucking dipshit.
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Just a gentle reminder that although life is a little crazy right now and everything seems out of sync, at least you aren’t being constantly harassed by a sword wielding tit in furry underpants and haven’t had your entire face burnt off with acid.
Have a great day!
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Man-At-Arms is trying to work out why he can’t get onto Facebook or Whatsapp but I haven’t the heart to tell him it’s because he’s staring at a fucking calculator.
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I’ve got the right fucking hump because we’ve just arrived at Tesco to do the big weekly shop and Beast Man has forgotten to bring the bags for life.
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Life can be tough. But try and take a moment to focus on things that make you happy - like a walk in a place that evokes fond memories, revisiting a book from a favourite author or remembering the noise He-Man makes when you kick him in the fucking plums.
#WorldMentalHealthDay
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Didn’t capture Castle Grayskull again today. Might just give up and open a fucking vape shop.
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Fucking hell. It's not as easy as she makes it look.
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The ONLY time when consuming disinfectant is acceptable is when poisoning your enemies. NEVER ingest it yourself.
Remember - be an evil overlord, not a fucking stupid one.
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I don't care how late it is. I'm Skeletor, Overlord of Evil and if I fancy eating a bowl of Coco Pops, I'm fucking well having some.
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Now that Game of Thrones is over can we all get back to talking about episodes of Masters of the Universe like that one where I got annoyed with Mer-Man because we turned up at Tesco and I found out he’d forgotten the bags for life and so I called him a fish-faced fuck.
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He-Man wants to build a wall around Castle Grayskull and expects me to pay for it!
So basically I told him to fuck off.
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Hi Theresa. Huge fan. As someone that’s been trying to ruin Eternia by sending it into a complete state of utter disrepair just for the fucking sake of it, I’m after all the tips I can get my hands on. Thanks in advance, GS.
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He-Man thinks The X Factor is brilliant television, and finds Robbie Williams really entertaining.
Honestly. What a fucking arsehole.
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Eternian Heroic Warrior and all-round massive bellend He-Man just stated that "Cadbury Buttons are on his desk at all times.” Will someone from Castle Grayskull please inform him that I too have Cadbury Buttons, but they are Giant Cadbury Buttons, so he can kiss my big blue arse!
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Trialled a new henchman yesterday but it turns out that Bumhole Man can’t see where he’s going and his breath stinks so I won’t be asking him back.
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