Practicing law is a lot like playing Halo 2 or Pokémon. It's all about collecting badges. Except once you get the badges you have to pay thousands per badge. And by the time you finally get the badges you have so many ulcers you want to rage quit.

Emailing a client for the 4th time about their overdue bill and ending it with ‘hope you’re well.’.

Honored to be named in 2026 Best Lawyers: Ones to Watch in America AND to have the 17th largest Florida jury verdict of 2024. Proof that you can spend half your life making memes and still convince a jury you’re a serious adult.

We’ve officially reached Black Mirror times. Non lawyers are blasting out AI demand letters: “Write me a demand letter for my neighbor stealing my Wi-Fi.” The letter reads: “Pursuant to Johnson v. Comcast, 1969, where the Supreme Court declared Wi-Fi sacred and eternal…” The.

I’m sorry I was late ur honor it took me forever to decide which labubus match my briefcase and the line for matcha was way longer than expected…ANYWAYS the prosecutor alleges my client *allegedly* unalived someone

Rule 26 disclosures are like Tinder bios. Full of half-truths, vague promises, and somehow always missing the one thing you actually needed to know.

Judges love saying “Counsel, approach.” Bro just say you want the tea without the jury hearing.

PSA for Mac users: Turn off Font Smoothing. I’ve been on Macs for over a decade and just found this setting. The difference is insane, way less eye strain even after hours of work. Total game-changer.

My therapist and I just spent 50 minutes unpacking gaslighting. Then opposing counsel calls me and @ItsMattsLaw and says the contract means the opposite of what it says. I guess litigation is just an advanced degree in surviving abusive relationships.

Sometimes you might feel like no one’s there for you. But you know who’s always there for you? Discovery. Discovery will always be there for you.

Sorry I snapped at you. Westlaw froze and 27 tabs are gone, I still haven't put in my time for July, I have 30 hours of CLE due in four months, and my suit felt weird.

your lawyer friend on any given night

RT @RobertFreundLaw: @Articus_chad Alcohol is a poison that makes you drawn to Chili’s so you order a triple dipper and get a DUI.

Winning a motion you didn’t prep for because the judge hates the other side is the closest you’ll ever get to divine intervention in this profession. Don’t question it. Just smile, nod, and pretend you “strategically anticipated that ruling.”.

Law school didn’t teach me how to practice law. It taught me how to argue with people I love, over-explain basic concepts to non-lawyers, and disassociate while pretending to care about "policy considerations." Also, student loan interest is my longest relationship.

Florida’s Tipsy Coachman Doctrine: The judge butchers every legal argument, takes a wrong turn, crashes into a Publix but somehow ends up at the right ruling. And the appellate court goes, “Beautiful. We’ll allow it.”.

Defense Counsel be like "I know a spot.😉" and then remove the case to.federal court

“You look happier” . Thanks, a client used both Google and ChatGPT to triple check if I was right and I was.

Opposing counsel just filed a Motion with four em dashes. It also says “in today’s ever-evolving legal landscape” and “let’s unpack this.”