Jack
@GayLaVie
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
8,838
I tweet therefore I am. he/him
New York, NY
Joined June 2013
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Pinned Tweet
Most Americans don’t realize how small Texas actually is.
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Retweet if we should temporarily replace all racist monuments with air dancers while we build new non-racist monuments!
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I regret getting the vaccine. I am now having too much fun and spending too much money.
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The NYU student who took over my lease has owed me $100 for weeks, and when I asked him to pay me, he said he felt bullied and then sent me a Psychology Today article about gaslighting.
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I received death threats for this one
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CDC March 2020: DON’T TOUCH YOUR FACE!!!
CDC now: *takes long drag of cigarette* sure, whatever
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Thinking back to when I captioned this pic “Niagara Falls,” a random boomer found it, got pissed, and then dragged me on her own page.
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BREAKING: Justice Department reportedly “not concerned” over allegations that Trump showed highly classified documents to Lea Michele.
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Solar eclipses used to involve human sacrifices. But now we can’t because of woke.
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At first I didn’t realize it was an earthquake - I thought perhaps someone had fallen out of a coconut tree.
But then I remembered I exist in the context of all in which I live and what came before me.
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Mr. Santos, when confronted on allegations he used campaign funds for Botox, appeared unmoved.
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New York is literally so expensive:
-$18 vodka sodas
-$3,000 a month for a studio
-$355,000,000 if you want to commit some fraud
-$7 for an oat milk latte
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All this talk about a blue check - how about we CHECK BLUE at the polls!
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Many people won’t accept that Texas is smaller than NYC but I’m actually a tenured professor of cartography at Columbia University AND was born and raised in the small state of Texas, which I can prove by the fact that I’m wearing a cowboy hat.
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@MichaelRGoodmn
Hi Michael! I’m an associate professor and post-doctoral research fellow in the cartography dept. at University of Pennsylvania. The reason Texas is smaller than New York City is because Texas is much smaller than NYC on this map. Hope that clears things up!
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@Ocha_devil42
That’s a common misconception! I’m actually a post-doctoral fellow in cartography at Oberlin College and I can say with full confidence that Texas is smaller than New York City. Hope this clears things up!
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This (white) guy is in possession of my air conditioner, TV, and dining room table, and instead of paying me for them or returning them, has sent me a PDF on dismantling white supremacy culture.
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Hey cute table, can you please tell me more about your great aunt Belva?
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He does make one very good point which is that I “haven’t read any of the read any of the resources that [he] sent along”
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The text where he agreed to pay me vs. the text where he said he never agreed to pay me lol
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This is my aunt who received two shots of the Moderna vaccine in 2021 and hasn’t been the same since
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I’m happy for Eric Adams - I remember how excited I was when I got a new job and got to move to New York City.
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At 26, I was diagnosed with stage 3 lymphoma. By the time it was detected, the cancer had spread from my colon into my neck and lungs.
But I am unshakable. That’s why I’m partnering with Shake Shack during Cancer Survivors Month for some chemo-shakery! Proceeds from each shake-
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@DandyThedandy1
Hi, I’m a visiting distinguished lecturer in cartography at Oxford University and I can tell you this map is completely to scale. It’s actually probably more accurate than any other map you’ve ever seen.
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“High risk homosexual behavior” is such an ambiguous term. It could mean having gay sex, it could mean trying to drive a car.
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The CDC is recommending that groups of three or more stop walking side by side down the fucking sidewalk.
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Antoni Porowski and Jonathan Van Ness have partnered to create the worlds first LGBT-owned defense contractor, paving the way for energy producers like RuPaul to expand to the Middle East. A percent of all proceeds will go to The Trevor Project.
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It sucks they killed Jesus on a Friday. He couldn’t even enjoy the weekend. His last night “out” was having wine on a Thursday, which we all know doesn’t really count as a night out.
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The senate hearing room is NOT for sex!!! It’s for dignified things like covering up war crimes and making sure poor people don’t get healthcare.
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Dr. Oz, you were known as a con with wealth, but could not win this commonwealth. The time has come for you to crudité away.
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@ElleAtx88
Hi! I’m an associate lecturer of cartography science at the University of Phoenix, and this is not a joke. It’s the actual size of Texas compared to New York City.
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ELIZABETH CAN STILL BE QUEEN IF MIKE PENCE HAS THE COURAGE TO DO THE RIGHT THING
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@itsmarkyoung
You’d think they’d listen to me, a tenured professor of cartography at the University of Toronto.
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@HeadlyAnderson
Hi, I’m an associate professor of cartography and geopolitics at Princeton University. This map is very inaccurate; in reality Texas is much smaller and can actually fit inside NYC. Hope this clears things up!
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The UNITED STATES POSTAL SERVICE sells an OFFICAL CROP TOP?!?! We have no choice but to stan*!!!
*fund
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Today my doctor confirmed I’ve been cancer-free for five years, and I’m now officially finished with being a cancer patient :)
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This show has everything:
-opera war
-back cancer
-an alarm clock
-three straight minutes of CGI fireworks
-a woman named Mrs. Fish
-luncheon
-Nathan Lane with a southern drawl
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@TVTalkWithJWalk
Thank you for your inquiry. This photo was taken at Niagara Falls in Niagara Falls, Ontario.
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No one:
Gays who have spent the entire pandemic traveling to Fire Island, Chicago, Miami, and LA: “I miss traveling!”
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Sending work emails at all hours of the night does not make you look hardworking, it makes you look unorganized and unprofessional.
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A fan hands P!nk a priceless imperial Fabergé egg that had been missing since the fall of the Romanov dynasty in 1917
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Gays will be like “a blizzard won’t stop me from drinking iced coffee!”
Well, a pandemic didn’t stop you from partying in Mexico so excuse me if I’m not surprised about the coffee.
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BREAKING: Justice Clarence Thomas has broken his silence on alleged ethics violations with a ten-minute ukulele song
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Now that Halloween is over, the search for Patti LaBelle’s lost background singers begins.
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Being on Twitter today reminds me of how in opera, a character will die, and then get up and sing a whole aria about it.
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There will be enough of these for every American by the end of May!!!
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Since many have been asking, this is the obituary for my ex-husband William who passed away in 2019. 💔 Thank you to all who have reached out.
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Starting at $200 I will sell a fifteen second video of a NYC grocery store, gym, or park, so your insta story can hide the fact you’re in Puerto Vallarta
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Gays will tweet the most explicit story you’ve ever read but asterisk one letter as if it gives them fifth amendment protection.
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Thank you to all who liked my tweet and followed me! Unfortunately, an anonymous account with 55 followers told me “your joke sucks” so I will be taking time for some serious reflection on who I am as a person. Thank you for respecting my privacy.
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My mother loudly exclaimed that my boyfriend and I are “the cutest couple ever!!!” right in front of my brother and his girlfriend, at my cousin and his new wife’s wedding.
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Attention Californians! Please take time to look both ways before crossing the street, Caitlyn Jenner is probably very upset this morning.
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Isn’t it rich? 🤷🏻♂️
Are we a pair? 👬
Me here at last on the ground 😡
You in mid-air ✈️
Remember the girls 🐩🐩
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The amazing thing about Staten Island is that it doesn’t even feel like New York City
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Last night a guy asked where I got my shirt and I told him my childhood nanny who loved to sing made it out of our curtains.
“Wait this is made of curtains?”
“Yeah they were hanging in my dad’s house in Austria”
“Woah that’s crazy”
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