Argued with a man today who tried to say there’s a wage gap because women don’t do “important” jobs like men do, such as “building skyscrapers or repairing roads”. Does this man build skyscrapers or repair roads?? No, he does the most important job of all time…stand up comedy.

Okay what if I moved back to my hometown and bought the local indie cinema that closed because the owner died, and just live a life of whimsy??.

Getting sober absolutely ruined my social life.

“Why won’t these LYING SLUTS tell us who’s on the Epstein list on live television so we can harass them about it?!?!?” - crazy people.

Jet lag is one of those things you can’t really complain about vocally because you’ll get called “the one percent”.

He’s hot.

When she got to the two day old Chipotle, I knew this man wanted her dead.

UPDATE: I was right.

I know for a fact that Donald Trump isn’t dead because my horrible father is currently 82 years old and horrible people cling onto life for as long as possible.

RT @lezzzzei: no, donald trump is not dead. all we know for sure, however, is that he left the white house at exactly 2:17 am, vanishing in….

One thing I’ve learned through world travel is that men don’t let cultural barriers get in the way of being pushy and creepy!!!.

Nothing annoys me right now more than posts predicting the exact day Trump will die. People love to focus on soothsaying rather than the actual issues at hand. This man has clung to life for 79 years and the damage is already done.

Just had some really good tacos in London. We’re skipping up, guys!! They’ve been studying California Mexican cuisine!.

He thinks Keith Richards is mad at him.

BBC One reality TV is crazy and relatable!!! (The same as in the U.S.)

Trying to cram my oversized yellow IKEA tote bag I’m using as luggage behind my neighbor’s seat and pretending it fits

Multiple people on the train I’m on to London are imbued with the spirit of Mr. Bean (trying to put luggage in unsafe places and shrugging it off).

Thinking about one of my first nemeses in comedy who told me that they were “surprised you continued doing comedy even though no one liked you when you started” after I completed my first Edinburgh Festival Fringe run. Everything I do is out of spite!!!.

Threads sucks. I posted about how there’s barely any salads or vegetables in Scotland and people were harassing me. All they eat is potatoes and white bread. It’s not vegetable forward food at all!!!!.

RT @BOTTLEBLONDEZ: dont care #SheHadVaginalScars.

Love booking a ticket to a musical and then seeing that one of the people who wrote it is the spouse of a man who has repeatedly tried to cheat on her with me….showbusiness is a small world!!.