Dr Fi Bowler
@FionaBowler
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Historian @unisouthwales & @unisouthampton | postdoc @ntvhistory | writing a book on Britain’s nuclear test veterans | cat fosterer/wrangler. she/her
Southampton, England
Joined July 2012
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We’re currently fostering the world’s most criminal cat and this is a thread of his various exploits over the last month.
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Not to alarm anyone but as of this afternoon Reg has worked out how to open doors
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Guess who walked across my laptop and logged me out of my meeting this morning
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Good morning from Reg and the egg box he stole from the recycling bin at some point in the night
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Things I’ve had to say to Reg so far this morning:
- that curry is not for you
- get out of the washing machine
- get off of the washing machine
- don’t lick the toolbox
- that one is your destruction shoe
- seriously, stop licking the toolbox
It’s half past eight.
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2020 has peaked with me emailing my therapist Gavin asking for a session and then accidentally sending the email to Gavin Williamson MP and Secretary of State for Education
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Special mention this morning goes to the guy in a van who shouted “cheer up, love, it might never happen” at me when we are quite literally in the middle of a pandemic.
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My favourite genre of text is my dad texting me about the family cat
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It is a truth universally acknowledged that one of Reg’s paws will always be suspiciously wet at any given time
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Reg is home alone today. Fully expecting to come back to this tbh
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Jon took these photos of me hugging Reg last night and we’ve been laughing about them ever since
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“Your Honour my client is innocent, no jury would convict.”
Sir your client has eaten half of the jury and is attempting to bap the other half off of the nearest high surface.
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Felt a strange sense of being watched as I took the bins out
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House didn’t burn down but the welcome home was slightly… ominous
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Apologies for the radio silence, I’ve been dealing with some very difficult personal news. Reg is all good, currently snuggled in his drawer bed in the utility room like a little gremlin.
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Us: Do you want to come over?
Our friends: Will Reg be there?
Us: ….Yes
Them: We’ll be there in five
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Someone asked if Reg allows belly rubs and I thought the people deserved an answer. Volume up for purrs.
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Lots of people telling me to get Reg more toys to keep him occupied. He has them. So many. He chooses crime over toys every moment of every day and I love him for it.
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Anyway, he’s really cute and we love him a lot, even though he’s nearly destroyed our house and our sanity.
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Woke up the next morning to find he’d stolen some scissors and brought them into his bed with him
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Do any journalists want to write a piece about Reg, his destruction and the amazing work Cats Protection does? I can provide photos of the tiny crime lord 🙏
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This thread has kind of taken off so: please support your local cat/animal shelter. Reg was a stray and very sick with cat flu when he was rescued in December. It’s only because of the dedication of volunteers that he’s able to cause such chaos and bring such joy ❤️
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Reg would like it on record that the water bowl started it
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Tragically another victim of Reg’s crime spree has been discovered
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To prove he does have toys, here is Reg resolutely ignoring them in favour of attacking the clothes airer
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He has recently started scaling the oven to pull tea towels and oven gloves down. There are to be no fabrics hanging in Reg’s house.
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I so love working from home. The quiet peace of it, no distractions or background noise to sidetrack my attention. It really is the best way to work productively.
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Even more:
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Totally normal to get three years into a PhD and wonder if anything you’ve ever done is any good, right?
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We think he might have a past in pickpocketed because this is his favourite thing to do with coats
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Can scale the washing machine, open the door and get into the tumble dryer. Which he does, daily.
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We left him safely in the utility room overnight the next day and came down to this. Note the expanding splash zone for protection from water crimes.
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Tips his water bowl over, constantly. Splashes in it, treads in it, sits in it. We’ve had to set up a splash zone.
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He then managed to knock his bed off the cupboard and fell asleep in it while it was suspended from the scratching post
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Bonus chaos:
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Day one we came downstairs to find that he’d taken out the cat cam we set up to keep an eye on him. Reg 1 - Big Brother 0
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Oh he broke this lovely cat ornament by launching it off the side of the worktop. Jealous of another cat in the house.
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Day five or six he turned the tap on in the kitchen overnight and nearly flooded our entire downstairs.
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He is constantly getting into the recycling bin and pulling it over. Bins 0 - Reg 1205
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Looking at insurance quotes for Reg and I’ve hit a stumbling block
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I thought I’d known suffering and adversity, but that was before I tried to tie my shoelaces in the presence of Reg.
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Lots of people asking if I’m keeping Reg. Of course I would love to, but keeping him would mean not fostering any more cats, and there are so many just like Reg who need a place to stay while they recover from illnesses, get treatment and learn that humans are kind.
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Me clearing up Reg’s spilled water bowl as he parkours across the kitchen like a monochrome tornado
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Reg is an influencer now
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Reg coming up to me to beg to be dried when he’s just deliberately jumped into the sink
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Whoever named these two, I just wanna talk and also be best friends
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Never going to this mechanic again. She examined the wheel for a second, licked my tire and then charged me £700.
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Just need everyone to know that when I’ve got my new place I’m getting Reg a baby sister and she will be called Margo Leadbetter
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There are currently 50 kittens (read: tiny crimelords in training) being looked after by the volunteers at Southampton Cats Protection. Any donation can help us look after and train up these baby criminals, ready to be rehomed (read: let loose on society).
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If you’re reading this Gavin, your pathetic excuse of a government is about 89% of the reason why I need therapy xoxo
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If you do feel in the mood to donate to help Reg and his fellow criminal masterminds, this is the link to do so:
In exchange I offer a video of Reg’s latest anti-oven glove campaign
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Not feeling great this evening and I would love to see some cat photos 🙏
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Someone pointed out that it’s on his eyebrow. Trust me by the end it was also on my eyebrow.
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I would just like to add that he was purring like a tractor throughout, despite his dramatic expressions
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@CatsProtection
They do incredible work rescuing, caring for, and finding new homes for cats just like Reg every day, and it’s only because of their hard work that Reg is able to continue his crime spree
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In probably unrelated news, Jon’s just informed me that the washing machine is broken.
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This made me laugh this morning. A cat after Reg’s own heart.
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@ThatAuntZelda
Don’t worry we always turn it off at the wall and it’s an induction hob! No chances to be taken around Reginald.
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@TheHalfArtist
@GRELawCrim
Ella, please, Reg asks that you do not mention dogs in his presence.
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How your email finds me
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He’s obsessed with sleeping in the top of these drawers but I’ve had to tape them shut or he opens them in the night
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No, Tortellini is not happy about his sweater, but his sibling kept trying to suckle on him
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Someone has just said Reg looks like Nick Offerman and I can’t unsee it
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I think it’s safe to say that creating a playlist on Spotify to which all PGRs can add songs to ‘remind them of lockdown’ was not the greatest idea my university has ever had
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Hello this cat is called Fiona and I love her
@FionaBowler
Yes. Her name at the shelter was “Karen” and it did not fit. She took to Fiona right away.
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If you want to support Reg and his friends (fellow tiny crimelords) please consider donating or volunteering for
@CatsProtection
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