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Ellen Watson

@EllenWatson95

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Parliament & politics geek | Currently in treatment recovering from mental illness/ BPD | Hearing & sight impaired (Usher Syndrome) | Dog lover | She/Her

Joined April 2011
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
10 months
End of veryyyy long thread. Well done if you made it this far šŸ’Ŗ.
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
10 months
Through that, I feel heard & understood by someone who is choosing to get it & me. That’s validation of my.pain itself & so I rarely escalate to crisis involving emergency services etc. These revelations are motivating me, I know what I want now. (Most of the time). ā¤ļø.
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
10 months
Suicide or harm or destructive behaviours to get heard and your needs met. I have people in my life now who I can tell that I am feeling simply sad. & because they don’t have to instantly worry that I’m going to kill myself, because they want to care, they will help me work.
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
10 months
Based on their fear of my behaviour & keeping me safe. Relationships where you know people are caring because they actually WANT too not because they HAVE too. Wow that hits differently. & when you open yourself up to building these connections, you no longer have to turn to.
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
10 months
Interpersonal relationships and have thus turned to harming myself & destruction to get my needs met. IF I crack these difficulties, real connections can form. And it’s happening already, real & connected relationships with peers, bonds with MH professionals that aren’t just.
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
10 months
Ive realised what I get from harming myself like that isn’t real care, its not genuine. Its bodies stepping in to fulfil their obligation of keeping me alive. BUT if I work on myself, on my behaviours & characteristics (caused by trauma), which mean I haven’t been able to build.
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
10 months
The root of these behaviours. I’m not trying to paint myself as some kind of exemplar. I still fuck up regularly, & crave the (sometimes perverse) comfort I got from my destructive harm & behaviours, & the care I received. But I try to get back on the saddle. Because.
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
10 months
Maybe, all of those months/ years in psych wards had to happen for me to realise this. But the sections, the restraints, the forced meds, I was the only person who could stop that. I had to realise what I wanted, & work REALLY excruciatingly hard to understand & control.
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
10 months
The hardest lesson I have learned is that the only person who can make me better mentally is me. I can’t do it on my own. I’ve needed help from a whole host of nurses, doctors, therapists, support workers, family & friends. & I’m lucky that I’ve had these. & maybe 🧵.
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
10 months
This lesson about wanting care but also caring about those who give it has extended to my family & friends too. I feel more mindful now about the impact of my actions on them. I’ve also learned that I have a choice to ask for & engage with support rather than self-sabotage. (3/3).
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
10 months
This has transformed how I think about behaving destructively & eliciting care. Because they care, i’ve learned that if I communicate how I’m feeling my needs will be met. I don’t need to harm myself & I don’t want to because I don’t want to distress people I care about. (2/3).
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
10 months
For my leaving activity at the Cassel I decided to have a water fight šŸ˜‚. It was so bloody fun. Here’s the nurse manager drenching me šŸ˜‚. This kind of psycho- social nursing works. My relationship with the nurses is real, I’m not just seeking care, I care about them too (1/3)
Tweet media one
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
11 months
RT @la_tarrant: Oasis’s tour manager bout to have the toughest job in the world:
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
11 months
I only have 10 days left at the Cassel (exc weekends) 🄹. A big part of me is ready to move on to life beyond inpatient mental health treatment. But despite how hard it’s been, this is the first place I’ve felt genuinely seen & I’m going to miss the connections I’ve made so much.
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
11 months
I’ll talk more about it over the next few weeks & months as I finish treatment & adjust to life at home. But right now I’m reflecting on the changes, I’m proud I’ve managed to engage with such difficult treatment & I’m feeling lucky I’ve had this opportunity.
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
11 months
I have 3 wks left at Cassel Hospital until I complete the 9 month inpatient treatment programme. It’s been bloody hard, inconceivably so. But I’ve learned to understand my mental health, take responsibility for the behaviours it brings & I think I’m a better person for it.
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
11 months
Sorry I haven’t updated since I left the acute ward a few wks ago. I went home with some brilliant crisis/ home treatment. I then returned to the Cassel 2 wks ago. I’m back at it, doing the work, with a new confidence I can get through crises like that without harming myself šŸ’Ŗ.
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@EllenWatson95
Ellen Watson
11 months
Don’t think I read this until I’d had proper psycho - analytic treatment. My therapist does not appease or comfort me, she doesn’t give advice. Instead she pushes me to reflect, understand, gain insight - into sometimes painful & difficult behaviours & thought patterns.
@VonkLevi
Levi Vonk
1 year
We are in a very weird moment where it feels like, at least to me, everyone is over-therapized but under-psychoanalyzed. Lots of people feeling like they’ve done the work, but the work that has been done is mostly superficial and unhelpful. Don’t know what to do about that.
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