Why imagine dragons when you can imagine beautiful women

Put a guy i like I'm an armbar the other day

*trying to explain divorce to my brainrotted child* Well, mommy went beast mode on my heart and is aura farming my bank account right now.

Growing up in a touchless family is fun bc you only understand the feeling of another human body in terms of sibling violence

I need a jump to the recipe button but for the point to this conversation.

We should take Megyn's kids away from her btw

Baby phone hasn't switched yet 😈

In Spanish class right now and my friend next to me just asked: "If the Patriots win a Super Bowl... Does Gronk get a ring?" He was a part of the 2025 Patriots even if it was for one day...

OMG load hendy tf uuuupppppppp

Truth be told, you can’t trust a man who can suck his own dick better than you

Messages just made the switch to Chat I’m never going back fuck a passcode

https://t.co/JbUpwzLc1W what if we live in a sitcom and this turns him back into a liberal

Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life Mosuo life

Just glad Gwyneth Paltrows birthing years are over. I don’t want to pay $135 for a placented candle

White people say shenanigans and hijinks when they really just mean splitting a presidente margarita and seeing a movie

Trump administration: 125 year mortgages

Chain smoking a pack of cloves and inhaling a fistful of feathers

They had the kind of face that says it was definitely the maybelline.

I never seen cauliflower knee before goddamn

Yes, it costs $0.00 to be a nice person, but you forget that money doesn’t mean anything to me.