michael
@FilledwithUrine
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girl….conditioner.
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if dirty fruit kills me i wasn’t meant to survive.
this is why you should do a 15min baking soda soak to clean ur produce 🤮
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youtube while eating is universal.
The man who practiced his saxophone every morning in the park and got a rare fan.
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trying to be entertaining so she doesn’t take her 3pm six hour nap
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if yall want to watch a 27 year old fight a 58 year old man so badly just put me in the same room with my father.
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“april fools” so im a fool because you betrayed my trust? im a fool for holding what you say with complete sincerity? i’m not the fool, you are.
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they should invent an election where you watch the results and don’t want to kiII yourself.
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i want every single dollar i make to go to this guy idgaf.
The Federal government spent $37m last year keeping a 392 year old Greenland shark alive.
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me: 01101001 00100000 01101100 01101111 01110110 01100101 00100000 01111001 01101111 01110101 00100000. non-binary person: what.
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being a french girl and getting called mademoiselle 20 times a day probably feels good as fuck.
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i love my mutuals because i’ve seen these pictures 86 times today.
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if i ever won the lottery i wouldn’t tell anyone but there would be signs
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man what’s the point if she can’t see that i liked this tweet i’m so depressed.
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idc if vans aren’t good hiking shoes i’m not gonna look lame in front of the squirrels.
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in another life, i would have really liked being 2 kissing bunnies just holding up clothing with you.
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we used to have dudes named Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart now we got dudes named michael.
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she posted a selfie and i started applying for higher paying jobs i got an interview on monday.
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“i need to lock in” and it’s just taking the clothes out of the washer and into the dryer.
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mind if a white boy speaks a little italian?
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babe do you want the farfalle or the tortellini pillow tonight
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babe wanna come over and watch me apply for jobs on indeed until i start to cry.
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getting kicked out of a wedding for mumbling “me and who” every 30 seconds.
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Need a man to rip me out of some fishnets.
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beautiful areola.
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[guy who refuses to eat his gf out] it’s not a taste thing it’s a texture thing i don’t like the texture.
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babe you wanna come over and watch this 40 minute video of someone power washing an old persian rug?.
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“loving your wife isn’t a personality” okay tell that to my wife, who i love.
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you can detect ai easily if you have love in your heart.
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sat in the sunlight for 15 minutes and remembered i’m actually full of love also i should start several different projects and not finish them.
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bro idc if im 25 if i fall asleep in your car it’s your responsibility to carry me to bed and give me a kiss goodnight.
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smoked too much the other night and wanted to write down my thoughts but forgot to write anything else
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your twenties are for working towards a life you won’t want after 6 months.
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unemployed people be like alright just ate lunch now time to lay down until dinner.
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teenage me looking at my mom like as my doctor discloses my suicidaI tendencies that i thought were confidential
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told a joke i knew she would hate and she did in fact hate it
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nobody is talking about how twitter shutting down will effect people with adhd.
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purgatory
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cute date idea: i finish this way faster than you and make you feel bad
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asked her what she ate today and it’s just a bunch of various liquids.
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one cold dr pepper has done more for me than a decade worth of antidepressants.
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phantom limb syndrome but i can still feel her bouncing on it.
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sorry for sending 10 messages in a row beginning with “also”… i’m a real ponderer.
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no babe your brain is perfect, the ones with balanced chemicals scare me.
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being stupid in front of your gf is the whole point of a relationship.
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there’s no mental health problem a cold dr pepper couldnt fix.
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she’s so hot it’s almost worth the concerning and unpleasant things she tweets everyday.
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my ass thought that was a rabbit.
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every biopic is basically this is how this man changed the world, oh yeah and he cheated on his wife a lot.
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“be a good girl for daddy” as i pull down my size 30x32 jeans.
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[flirting] yeah those tax benefits for married couples sure are kinda cool right?.
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i’m tired of romanticizing my life it’s time i start sexualizing it.
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“making love” is so unromantic me and my girl are boinking.
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you’re so sexy do you wanna come back to my place and sit in bed and play on phone.
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just because i have an opinion on something doesn’t mean i don’t have the exact opposite opinion on it as well. i don’t know who i am.
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a person who has the same desires to feel loved and understood just like everyone else.
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this is how i prepare to listen to the spotify link she sent me
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figured out a 20% tip on a $10 drink without using my phone
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girls will send you a message talking about “this is so us” and it’s just a video of 2 cats. that shit is really cool.
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how it feels when i finally understand what she’s talking about and she replies “YESS EXACTLY!!”
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