Lorna the Sloven
@Duffycaramole
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Cats, gardens and the odd zebra and I'm happy. Goddess of Slovens and Queen of Procrastinators. Life is better in nightclothes. No lists please.
Mole Valley
Joined March 2019
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I'm really confused.
Johnson sacked 21 of his MPs last year because they refused to vote for the WA.
Now he's saying the WA is flawed.
Does that mean they were right & he was wrong? So they shouldn't have been sacked?
@BorisJohnson
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Raab: "Carrie popped in to check on the Prime Minister."
What is he? 5?
She's not his bloody carer!
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@Abi_Rimmer
Newly arrived in the area a few years ago, I went to join a 'Knit & Natter' group. "Is this Stitch n Bitch?" I asked cheerily and got a frosty correction. Didn't go back: decided we weren't a good match.
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How is that if you give a child a doughnut for breakfast you're a bad parent, but if you give them pain au chocolat you're middle class and okay?
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@UnbiasedKatie
Dear Katie:
I'm a woman. I often hold doors open for people and like it when they offer me the same courtesy.
I see it as courtesy and human decency, not patronising.
Please don't presume to speak for all women.
Dear men: please ignore this rude woman.
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Daughter no.1, now 43, confessed recently that she'd tape a violin practice then would close her bedroom door, play the tape, lie on her bed and read. All the while, we trusting parents thought she was practising.
I received this news with a mix of disappointment & admiration.
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BBC News just pointed out the huge financial trade loss in cutting the ties with the EU, compared with the miniscule advantages of the Aus. trade deal.
Bravo,
@BBCSimonJack
. More of this, please!
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Rule of 6 comes back from March 29th.
Unless you're a teacher/TA or a school student/pupil, when the Rule of Approx 30 will apply in classrooms and the Rule of Up to 2000 will apply in communal areas of schools.
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@DickKingSmith
@MartynHobbins
You can actually hear them quack, "WTAF?" before they turn around.
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Friend looking for a rental property tells me that they were asking for a year's rent in advance - on a property priced at £1700pm. Who has over £20k to put down for renting? The rental system is broken. We need far more social housing.
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Irish friend, principal of a small secondary school in Dublin, told me this morning that she was given 20k euros to put HEPA filters in her school.
What has the UK govt done?
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My OH has gone out to hang the washing. I'm fighting the need to go and re-hang it 'properly'.
#OCD
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A reminder that a 'wether' is a castrated sheep. And 'spoon' is a 19C insult meaning 'simpleton'. All you need to know about Wetherspoons, really.
#WelcomeBackPubs
#wetherspoons
#NeverSpoons
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Couple of weeks ago there was a minor car crash near our house. Neighbour borrowed a tea towel and some ice to treat a slightly injured party. Injured man (now fine) returned the tea towel this week: unwashed and bloodstained.
Am I unreasonable to be peeved?
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Learned today of a fit, otherwise healthy 65yo who caught covid. It brought on a heart attack a few weeks later. Fatal. Kirstie Allsopp can spout all she likes. I don't want to take risks.
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Johnson on the news looking bloody rough.
I don't normally wish people ill but all I can say is: Good. I hope he feels completely shit, got-at, on the ropes. He's ruined one hell of a lot of lives.
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@Tinkerbell32112
Perhaps we should all gather on our doorsteps at 8pm on Thursday evenings and shout
#GetBackToWorkYouFatPonce
! while banging a saucepan with a spoon. I'm up for it.
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While I did my degree (at a poly), my OH did an Open University degree while working full time to support us (2 small children).
All this snobbery about OU degrees shows how little people know of the intellectual rigour & bloody hard work it involves.
#openuniversity
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I have received a letter inviting me to my breast screening.
The venue: Tesco car park, Guildford.
That'll keep the shoppers entertained.
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I'm not staying away from hospitality venues, cinemas, theatres etc because of covid restrictions: I'm staying away because covid is rampant and lots of numbskulls aren't taking it seriously. While they prolong it, businesses will suffer. Why can't they see that?
#Protest
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@SuzanneEvans1
Cold sores are caused by the herpes virus. If it came out the next day you'd have been incubating it for days. Read some of the science inform yourself of the facts.
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Asda self-service tills; old lady in a muddle. The 10yo steps over to her. "It doesn't like your bags being here," he said, removing them from the bagging area. Then patiently took her through the rest of the check-out process. Woman behind me: "They should get him working here!"
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Well, I now know what it's like to spend a night on a trolley in an A&E corridor.
I'd love Therese Coffey to try it.
#SaveOurNHS
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Just applied for my state pension. Didn't realise they wouldn't pay it automatically. I'll get it at 66 - 6 years later than I expected to when I first started working.
The bastards.
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Oh dear.
OH is watching Antiques Roadshow and we are both snurtling like silly teenagers at 'Aunt Fanny from Cockermouth'.
I'm nearly 69.
He's 74.
We're utterly ridiculous.
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I have paid £118 for the cremation of a cat I've known for 4 days, so that she won't be cast into oblivion but can have her ashes put in our garden where she can continue to commune with Big Dave. Please tell me I'm not nuts.
#CatsOfTwitter
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Time to reopen local cottage hospitals to take out of the main hospitals people who are 'bed-blocking' through no fault of their own. They'd also be better off nearer their home communities.
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Cats:
"I don't like the regular food; buy me new."
Then:
"Mmmmm, I like this new food!"
Then:
"Oh, have you stocked the cupboard with that new food? Only I don't like it anymore."
#CatsOfTwitter
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"I have to pinch myself. How is it that a boy from Baghdad who came to these shores, fleeing persecution and unable to speak a word of English, was able to do as much as I have?"
I have to ask you, Nadim Zahawi, how you can support your govt's policies against other refugees.
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"Does everyone die?" asked the nearly 4.
"Yes."
"Will you die?"
"One day."
"I don't want you to."
"I'll try not to die while you still need me."
"But I'll need you til I'm a grown-up."
"Then I'll try not to die til you're grown up."
She seemed content with that.
#grandchildren
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"Surrey woman loses her shit and murders husband"
If you see this headline this evening, it'll be me.
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My friend suffered appallingly at the hands of her ex who hounded her mercilessly via the internet after they split.
She was kind, funny, warm, loyal & so strong in the face of the appalling things he did & said.
Off to Dublin later for tomorrow's funeral, heavy of heart.
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@dr_amar_mashru
An Afghan lad (unaccompanied asylum seeker) in one of my classes was mocked in my hearing for his pronunciation. I asked him to tell the class which languages he spoke: 7 of them. Then I asked the rest of the class how many they spoke. All: just English. Nipped it in the bud.
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Farewell to the indomitable Tess of the Purrbevilles. My little tragic heroine.
The right thing, the right time, but oh, my heart is sore.
💔💔💔
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The 6yo's birthday bash had a Hallowe'en/horror theme. The 12yo has cemented his place in my heart by choosing to come dressed as a Tory MP, complete with blue rosette.
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I can't be the only person to see 'King Charles' trending and think 'they forgot to add the word Spaniel'.
Can I?
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@HRHMHowler
The advice is 'Let them live in the world they think they're in. Don't force them to live in the world they're actually in.'
Sounds as if you're doing that. I salute you.
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"The Prime Minister's job," said the 10yo, "is like being married to the country. And Boris Johnson cheated on his wives so he's probably cheating the country."
Such wisdom.
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OH is dealing with a spam caller. He has a strong, vigorous voice normally, but is putting on a frail old person voice and stringing them along. Times like this I remember why I married him.
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And today I will mostly be blocking people who draw a parallel between Chris Whitty and Jimmy Savile. Whether or not you think Whitty is a govt poodle, Savile he ain't.
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@BStott9
@LukeB_MTB
@ChilliLefty
They do have a clear idea of bulk-buying. They also have a clear idea of how to maximise profits. The vast majority of school catering is out-sourced. Another example of public money going into private pockets.
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The 3yo is isolating because one of her nursery 'bubble' has covid. So much for the little ones not getting it, eh?
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Cried in Sainsbury's at the self-checkout as it kept refusing to co-operate and my back hurt with every item. The lovely checkout supervisor spotted my distress and put all my shopping through for me then loaded it back into the trolley.
#KindnessMatters
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They say you should keep your salt levels up in hot weather. So I'm upping my intake by eating a salted caramel ice lolly. I'm not a medical expert, but that should do it, right?
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Finally got my state pension a week or so ago. What I want to know is: why didn't I get the beige mac and beige slacks that all pensioners at bus stops seem to wear? Do you have to apply for them with your bus pass application?
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I met my friend Karen when I was 12 & she was 11. We're more like sisters than friends.
Her son died suddenly on Saturday. It would have been his 47th birthday today.
Hold those you love close.
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Gallbladder op went like clockwork.
Then I complicated things by throwing up so they thought I had an ulcer. CT and endoscopy show all clear so I'm in till Sunday on obs and bland food. Weak as a kitten. 2022 can just bugger off.
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@MrHarryCole
Isn't it just? An unelected Foreign Secretary talking to an unelected PM, with a Cabinet Secretary who conveniently avoided the Covid inquiry. And an EdSec whose husband was an exec at Fujitsu. Quite the picture.
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The hardest part of companion animals is watching their lives draw to a close, knowing that the big decision is imminent and trying to judge the right time. We've reached that point with the wonderful Tess of the Purrbevilles and know the decision is very close.
#CatOfTwitter
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Communictation from our electricity supplier, Octopus:
Lowering their standing charge.
Cutting their advertising to put the money into supporting struggling customers.
Ethical business practice.
Bravo
#Octopus
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Knocking up a butterscotch Angel Delight is a sloven's approach to pudding, but by golly it's hard to better it.
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Behind an Aston Martin 4x4 as I drove home. Looked it up. Who on earth can spend £158k on a car?! And that's the starting price, no extras.
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Good god. When I find myself agreeing with Kirstie Allsopp, I know the world's gone mad.
This is a load of utter twaddle! No true Conservative would sell Channel 4, Lady T will be spinning in her grave. C4 was set up to foster the British film & TV industry and it has done that job admirably. Any Tory MP who votes for this is a traitor to their party & country.
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If water company CEOs were required to go sea swimming every time there was a sewage discharge by their company, that might make them think twice.
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As I went out this evening in my skinny jeans and FatFace tunic, I reflected that I really should start my own clothing line for mature women.
I shall call it 'Mutton'.
Mutton - for when ewe want to dress like lamb.
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Happy anniversary to my 37th birthday. We've been together for a number of decades, 37 and I, and have no intention of parting ways any time soon.
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@cactusjon
@bbclaurak
And all those people who voted Leave because they didn't like us being run by 'unelected EU bureaucrats', even when we weren't...
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Neighbours moved in Dec. Their lads (8 & 4) took great interest in our bird feeders. Then bird feeders appeared in their garden. I gave them some bird books. Yesterday dad appeared at our door with the gift of a cruet set in the form of a pair of chaffinches. So sweet!
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Today I have worn a skirt and top for my tutoring session. Realised that the top is nearly 30 years old and the skirt is at least 10 yrs old. Frugality or meanness?
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I'm middle-aged, I tell myself.
Then the mad old bat in the mirror says, "No, love; you're pushing 70. You're what we call 'elderly'."
Harsh.
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Why don't they allow asylum seekers to work as fruit/veg pickers? Give them an NI no. that indicates their status; get them into the tax system. Take into a/c their work when their claims are finally processed.
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And this is why I've been quiet. Taken ill Thursday night. Ambulance on Sunday. Royal Surrey hosp since. A fairly dramatic way if avoiding housework, but effective.
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@Nigel_Farage
Oh stop, you irrelevance. In a pandemic, far more sensible to vote by post. And how do you expect military personnel and diplomatic personnel (and their families) serving abroad to vote?
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#GardeningTwitter
Some of you will laugh. Some of you will weep. All of you will empathise.
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"Could you open the door, please?" asked Tess. "No, I don't want to go out. I just want to sit by the open door while the cold air floods into the nice warm kitchen."
#CatsOfTwitter
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We've been married 46 yrs, together nearly 47yrs. My OH has just told me that he once had a Lambretta scooter. Still discovering things about each other.
Keeping the romance alive, eh? 😁
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It must have been optimism that persuaded me to buy jeans described as 'slim' when my legs are anything but.
When I launch my clothing line, Mutton, I'm going to have a style called 'Sturdy'.
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@danwootton
What's it got to do with you? I'm recovering from pneumonia and wear a mask when I'm out and about as I don't want to end up in hospital again. What harm does it do you if people choose to do so?
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@carryonkeith
It was never more that hot air. They didn't want to do it, had no intention of enforcing it. But they can say they brought it in. Words, not action: hallmark of this govt.
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In situ.
I'm a little bit in love and a little bit proud of myself.
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Lupins and their pals enjoying the morning sunshine.
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How appropriate that on this day when our democracy and our rights are eroded still further my follower numbers have reached 1984.
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The parole board has granted me early release so I'm going home this evening. Yippee!
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I find it difficult to warm to Mirabelle the doll when she so resembles Cruella Braverman.
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@BBCWorld
Seems to me that choosing not to have children at a time when the planet's in crisis is a pretty unselfish choice. And even more so if those pets are from shelters, rather than breeders.
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Butterscotch Angel Delight again for pud at Sloven Cottage. Gone a bit upmarket this evening and put half a glace cherry on the top.
Classy bird, me.
#AngelDelight
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Pre-op assessment for my gallbladder op tomorrow (offered at 2.30 this afternoon!).
"What's your fitness like?" asked the nurse. "Can you manage housework, for example?" I looked at her. "Well," I said, "I don't trouble the hoover too often, but that's by choice."
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Watching the holidaymakers fleeing the wildfires in Greece, I'm constantly thinking of the local people whose homes, businesses and livelihoods are being destroyed. They can't simply get on a plane to escape it permanently.
#wildfires
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Me and my girl, 5yrs ago. Still miss her terribly. Cara the Caramel cat - the sweetest natured, most affectionate cat it's ever been my privilege to live with.
#CatsOfTwitter
#Caturday
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Anyone else eat glace cherries straight out of the pot? Or is something only slovens do?
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I do love you lot. Thanks for all the good wishes. Expected to go home this morning but had a bad turn and they said no. Still on IV antibiotics and awaiting a CT scan. Compromised immune system so they're being cautious & very thorough. Hats off to the Royal Surrey.
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Daughter has just rung to say she's tested positive for covid.
Bugger.
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@alwaysresister
1. When we looked at this house, there were 5 tvs (kitchen, sitting room, office, 2 bedrooms) and no books. We have 1 tv (sitting room) and hundreds of books.
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If I don't make it, I want the world to know that I died with slim ankles.
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@Indiasign1216
@pearlylondon
Friend's husband is called Randolph. She says she's lost track of the number of Christmas cards they get to her and 'Rudolph'.
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I have shocked my cousin by dusting a box of family memorabilia with the hem of my jumper.
Sloven's house.
Sloven's rules.
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It's our 45th wedding anniversary. Good grief. How on earth have we managed that?
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Oops, it's happened again. Nipped in Lidl for a bag of cat litter and accidentally bought another clematis montana. Only a fiver; seemed rude not to.
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Unusually meticulous and unslovenly, I carefully masked the ceiling where it meets the wall. Walls completed, I carefully peeled away the tape - and about half the paint from the ceiling edge.
And I carefully said, "Bugger."
#DIY
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Trying to piece together a scrap quilt for the spare bed. Tess getting in some practice for when it eventually gets finished.
#CatsOfTwitter
#crafts
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@MetroUK
Appalling. How is it the fault of the children? How well I remember the humiliation of being told publicly that my mother still hadn't paid the fees the (state) school asked for to cover sundries. Over 50yrs ago and I still feel the shame.
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No wonder Johnson is so rubbish with data. This from Eton's website:
"Eton’s academic year is divided into three halves (terms): Michaelmas, Lent and Summer."
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No butter out of the fridge so I've been forced to put hard butter very thickly onto my Ryvita. Forced, I tell you. Forced.
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As the two oldest people we know locally, we are checking on one another here at Sloven Cottage.
"Are you keeping hydrated?" I asked my OH yesterday evening.
"I'm putting more water in my Scotch," he said.
What with my salted caramel ice cream, we've got it sorted.
#heatwaveuk
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Sunak will hang on as long as possible. Far too much asset-stripping left to do.
#GeneralElection2024
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