Mark Primiano
@Doctor1Hundred
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I used to write about sports. Now I do surgeries. I love you. I'm glad I exist.
Chicago, IL
Joined September 2011
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Pinned Tweet
Have you ever been close to tragedy or close to folks who have?
Have you ever felt the pain so powerful, so heavy you collapse?
I'm attorney Peter Francis Geraci.
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I'm only half-joking when I say they should recruit vets to help give the vaccine. On any given vaccine clinic day, I can get 60+ patients done in 2 hours, and that's patients trying to bite me.
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When I say everyone at the shelter adores Stephen, I mean it. The work Slack is full of pictures of him.
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There is never a bad time for "Bulletproof" by La Roux
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My vet school had an injured baby zebra my first year. To feed it students had to wear a zebra print snuggie or it would bite at them.
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It absolutely sucks that the push for a four day work week is four ten hour days and not four eight hour days. It's not any better working the same amount over fewer days!
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If owned an Italian restaurant, in October I would change the menu to say "fettucine afraido" and "garlic dread" and "boocatini". I would go out of business, but it would be worth it.
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I'll burn days off to help get this job done. I'll take second shifts on days I work for the greater good.
Tag us in. Get this thing going.
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The voice actor of Jimmy Pesto Sr from Bob's Burgers took part in the January Insurrection is such a weird sentence to be able to type.
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Humongous Fungus (I have no idea who named her that) loves the sink.
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She didn't file her taxes in time and is now in jail.
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@floozyesq
If someone was going to pay me millions of dollars to hangout with my friends in nice locations, why the hell would I turn them down?
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Back at the start of this, Illinois sent out an all hands on deck thing for medicos of any type. Not quite a draft but more or less one. We signed up. We're ready. We're waiting.
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I don't think the earlier picture quite conveyed just how big Theo is. He is a truly massive cat. An absolute unit.
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The toddler next door has figured out that he can come to the gate and loudly demand to see our dog and I will happily cave and let him in.
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The amount of mileage I've gotten as a doctor out of quoting Dr. Spaceman.
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These two sisters keep headbutting each other for my attention and I'm very flattered by their behavior.
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Jon Stewart built his career as a savvy political mind off being smarter than George W Bush which is a lot like folks thinking you're great at basketball because you can dunk on a Fisher-Price hoop.
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I am baffled that Cash, the C.R.E.A.M. of our adoptable cat crop, remains unadopted.
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You're trading being able to do anything after work on week days for an extra day off. If you work a job that actually involves physically doing anything, you're too tired on that extra day off to do anything.
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Maned wolves are sweet as puppies. And then they grow up.
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Fullgrown pythons are delightful. Just docile giant muscle noodles.
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It is illegal and immoral to not remove the crusties from your cat's eyes.
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The kittens are: Crochet, Knit, Embroider, Macrame, and Quilt.
The mom is Joann and her babies are all various craft projects and I am giggling up a storm about it.
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Your quarantine name is your regular name.
You just haven't heard anyone call you by it in a long time.
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Bobcats and wallabies are exactly what you'd expect.
Hyenas are at least twice as big as you'd think they are. They are fucking terrifying.
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What are some other animals I can tell you what they are really like?
All poultry are incredibly dumb. Like, turn off the lights and they fall asleep dumb.
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Pardon me, but I have died and am now in the heaven of tiny orange bois.
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As promised!
If we reach $2,200 by the time I'm out of surgery this afternoon, I will take these kittens to a room so they can run around and post video on here of it (if they aren't adopted first).
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Most wild animals are dangerous but pretty dumb. Apes are easily the number one exception.
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Look at this absurd beast.
Just a ridiculous creature.
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I start every shift with a lap around the shelter to pet animals. I technically call this "rounds" but it is absolutely not medical.
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Foxes are very tiny. Coyotes are pretty tiny too. Both are cowards.
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Look at this thing. It will grow up to be over 100 lbs!
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Softshell turtles are complete jerks. Rude fellas with no semblance of matters.
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Raptors are difficult but you wouldn't expect anything else from nature's perfect death machines.
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Stephen wants to wish all those celebrating a happy Hanukkah.
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The orange boi brigade just got moved to the adoption floor.
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Left my stethoscope in the car and it is now frozen in this shape.
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This is one of my old classmates Trent. He is one of the nicest human beings I have ever met and someone I legitimately admire.
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We apparently have a litter of kittens named after white collar crimes.
Meet Identity Theft.
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So much of being a vet is rough and not great but then you walk into a room and meet something like this and you just laugh for like an hour straight thinking about it.
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Babies cry on planes because they know that if god had meant for us to fly, we would have been given wings. They weep for our hubris.
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A cool double standard I get to enjoy is that unlike most doctors, it is not frowned upon when I kiss my patients.
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Tegus are cool when you get over being afraid they might eat you.
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This thread is rapidly becoming "watch Mark's hair get more grey".
I'm okay with it.
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Few people have ever been more full of shit than the jerks who tried claiming constellations actually look like what they are named after.
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@JakeMHS
I wish I could take credit for this but it wasn't me. That being said, he is the most chill kitten ever.
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My cats have obtained gainful employment at the Getting Kissed on Their Tiny Heads Factory and business is boomin.
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There is nothing complicated or nuanced about it. The cops murdered a 13 year old kid and then the Mayor proceeded to cover it up and lie about it to the public for weeks.
Lightfoot on Toledo case: “This remains a complicated and nuanced story.”
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Downstairs neighbor got a new boyfriend and I am neighborhood dad judging the hell out of him.
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Milo and his Lambchop are looking for a foster parent to live with until he is big enough for surgery. Is it you?
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If the concept of total student loan forgiveness makes you mad, you're just a bad person. It's as simple as that.
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Baseball is important because it reminds us that there is no god and that nothing is fair.
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The best part of the pandemic has been becoming best friends with a 2.5 year old whose main interests involve my dog and pretending to water our backyard.
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A neat thing about Love is Blind is that it is now almost impossible for me to ever become Chicago's least liked male veterinarian.
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I have never seen an animal eat a hot dog faster in my life, much less two.
Quetzalli is my favorite dog in the shelter right now and I will give her two hot dogs tomorrow if we reach my fundraising goal by then.
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MORT HAS BEEN ADOPTED!
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The mom is Joann and her babies are all various craft projects and I am giggling up a storm about it.
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Went back for some more.
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LOOK AT HIM. LOOK AT THIS PERFECT KITTEN THAT NO ONE SEEMS TO WANT.
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@alyssakeiko
Hey, they just come from a simpler time when danger didn't exist and you could just roam around the neighborhood unwatched. Sure, some kids fell into sinkholes or got kidnapped and never seen again, but the ice cream man knew your name!
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The Sky site should really just hand out a bunch of invite codes today. Strike while the iron is hot and whatnot.
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Got a whole litter of fluffy polydactyl kittens right now.
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Milo left for foster care today! His kennel is empty, so I'm pretty sure Lambchop went with.
Milo and his Lambchop are looking for a foster parent to live with until he is big enough for surgery. Is it you?
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This spicy orange pinecone is so bright we had to name him after our sun. Meet Sol.
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When I applied for a mortgage this year, I was straight up told that my student loan debt was why I couldn't get anything more than enough to buy a studio apartment despite being a doctor.
But sure, it won't help stimulate the economy.
Student Loan Cancellation Won’t Stimulate The Economy, According To New Research
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@AmandaSmithSays
Just remake Batman Forever while swapping in McBride and Goggins for the Riddler and Two-Face.
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One of the best parts of having pets is you get to make weird voices at them whenever you want and they just have to live with it because they don't pay room or board.
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