Davi
@DaviCrimmins
Followers
16,078
Following
748
Media
3,400
Statuses
11,888
Comic | VO | Actor | Host of DAVi The ScapeG.O.A.T. podcast 🎙🎧🐐
Atlanta
Joined September 2009
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Pinned Tweet
for awhile there i wanted to be understood. correct every confusion. defend my name from misconceptions. nowadays i am content with being misunderstood! no more arguing. no wasted breath. just carefree vibes while they’re over there yelling 🙃
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OMG IT’S HAPPENING!!!! IT’S HAPPENING!!!
@KrisKling
&
@BasementBart
are PREGNANT 🤰
Take THAT
#2020
!
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When a
@TheBertShow
listener tried to alert me to my husband’s infidelity but turns out his “ugly whore” mistress was ME all along. 🥲
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i got killed off & still crawled my a$$ back-from-the-dead to win a BEST OF ATLANTA 2022 award so any rumors that i am lazy are patently false 💪🏼
Thanks to
@AccessAtl
+ the ATL voters, & all those supporting
@DAViscapeGOAT
podcast! 💚
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Can you imagine if we had Gov
@staceyabrams
& Mayor
@KeishaBottoms
working together in harmony RN? Can you imagine if Georgia wasn’t a total embarrassment to the entire country?
I can’t even imagine it anymore 😭 KKKemp has broken the part of me that dreams.
#BREAKING
: Gov. Kemp files suit against Mayor Bottoms and the City of Atlanta over its mask mandate
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Greta out here acting straight presidential. "When haters go after your looks & differences, it means they have nowhere left to go. And then you know you're winning!"
"When haters go after your looks and differences, it means they have nowhere left to go. And then you know you’re winning! I have Aspergers and that means I’m sometimes a bit different from the norm. And - given the right circumstances- being different is a superpower."~ Greta ❤️
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“I believe the announcement of my termination from The Bert Show was misleading. With that in mind I can not, in good conscience, carry on with the Broadly Speaking podcast under Bert Weiss’s podcasting label….”
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Thank you for filling our home & hearts with love, Mama Cass. Now, you may rest. Dream a little dream of me, my most beautiful girl. 🖤
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sure, sex is great. but have you ever been alive to hear your own eulogy?
🤤
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Big pencil for big commitments✏️ Today I signed a contract to wake up early with
@thebertshow
fam for the next 3 years. I was an intern in this building 9 years ago & now I’m proof that hard work pays off. Moral of the story,
#WERK
bitch! 🙌🏻
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I swear, he’s two press conferences away from telling us to drink bleach. I’ve had bullies before y’all... this guy is trying to kill us for kicks.
#InjectDisinfectant
#HolyShit
#ThisIsHowYouVoted
#Really
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some people will never understand they are not the main character in your story.
your observations are attacks
your opinions are shade
your lived experiences are a dig
your thoughts are always of them
it’s all about them.
and that’s on unbridled narcissism, babes 👀
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u wanna be the first to hear about where she’s headed? can’t always count on the algorithm - so text📱 HELLO to 844-NEWDAVI to become VIP & meet the new Davi🎙
she has so much to tell you!
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for the first time ever … this man is opening for lil’ ol’ ME ❤️🔥 we MACON new friends in MACON next week.
don’t miss out :
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it’s here! check out episode 1 of my new podcast DAVi The ScapeG.O.A.T.!
🎧🎙🐐
thanks to all the Lil’ Crimmlins that signed up for my fan club & came to my launch party last night! it was so rewarding to kick this off with you!
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👉🏻 speak well of others, not for them but as a reflection of you. they mistreat you in public bc they mistreat themselves in private.
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I like how most speed limits on ATL interstates are 55mph but residents collectively are all like "If we ALL go 80, they can't arrest everybody, fam!"
That's a truly beautiful thing.
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never in my life would I have thought I’d have this kind of support & love from so many people all over the globe. You all are incredible! Thank you for listening to
#davithescapegoat
this past month & helping a bèbè goat 🐐 find her footing! 💛
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My father took his final rest last week. It’s the “only way” he can stay out of trouble, after all. 💔
Hope I made you proud, dad. I love you.
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This might come off disrespectful, but our president is acting like a coked out BITCH-boy tonight.
#Debates2020
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ON THIS DAY, SEPTEMBER 24TH, 2020, I FINALLY SAID "FUCK" ON THE RADIO. IT HAPPENED.
IT ONLY TOOK 8 YEARS ON
@TheBertShow
& 6 1/2 MONTHS OF QUARANTINE.
I TOLD YOU ALL... MY BRAIN 🧠 = MUSH 🥺
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You ever lose ur purse chapstick so you move ur bathroom chapstick to ur purse & then you need chapstick in the bathroom so you steal ur jacket chapstick which WAS ur car chapstick & now ur just wearing your jacket, driving somewhere with NO CHAPSTICK LIKE A TOTAL ASSH*LE??
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At age 9 a psychologist indicated I may be depressed w/suicidal ideations. My parents got angry-threatening to“send me away”for being “ungrateful”& “faking it”
20+ years later I have concluded my parents unfinished business
Today I got an official diagnosis
I finally feel free❤️🩹
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all this excitement got me feeling generous! Finishing up another *BONUS* episode of
#davithescapegoat
featuring
@RadioKyro
&
@MootePoints
🐐 It’ll be up at 6pm - subscribe so you don’t ever miss out on new episodes!
Amazing to watch:
@DaviCrimmins
has been listened to 150,000 times in three weeks! 🎉 At this rate, she could hit one million in less than 5 months. If you haven’t checked it out:
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women are blamed for men’s hostile behaviors toward them.
started from the top - now we’re here📍
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DEAR WHOEVER IS IN CHARGE OF
#BIGLITTLELIES
MUSIC SELECTION,
What is your user name on Spotify? I want to stalk you and your vibes.
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THANK YOU
@Delta
for letting our buddy Jim ride up front. This is an incredible thing you did for an extraordinary person.
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🎙🎧 i’m back! did ya miss me?! 🎧🎙
wanna join us for the launch party? sign up here:
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Aww they already emailed me! They wanna book another show there with me & Dedrick Flynn asap. Love when my community comes together!
I just wanna take a moment to say
@CityWineryATL
is the greatest venue & listening room around😊 They always take excellent care of me, my husband
@blaircrimmins
, & all my comic friends that perform there! We have 0 complaints. Awesome staff! Tasty food! Flowing drinks! 💗
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Choosing silence is just wasting energy trying to prove a point 🤐
27 days, friends.
📱 text “hello” to 844NEWDAVI (844-639-3284) to be first in line!
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Don’t come to MY house with your rudeAss and say “you’re still in your pajamas?”
After 12pm it’s not pajamas anymore. It’s “athleisure”.
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THIS WAS THE BEST THING EVER 🥰🥰🥰🥰
.
@preciousdavi
has been down lately, so
@kriskling
brought in all these listeners to tell her, in their words, exactly HOW amazing she is. WE LOVE YOU, DAVI. You are smart and resilient and hilarious and strong and uncompromising and hard working and caring and ALL OF THE THINGS.
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If he don’t love you anymore...just walk your ass over & 🔪 him.
#HappyHalloween
#halloween2019
#WednesdayAddams
#theaddamsfamily
@lizzo
#goodashell
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Alright.... one last thing. I think a clear indicator of being TOTALLY FULL OF SHIT is deleting comments & blocking every criticism of you 😂 Her fingers must be tuckered out out today!
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wow - look at that 🐐 climb!!!
Make sure to check out episode 2 today! then LiKE, RaTE, SUBSCRiBE ! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
Congrats
@DaviCrimmins
… starting your next chapter off on top of the charts.
#31
in the US right now!!!! Not a bad first day!
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oof they’re back to 0 Days Without A Contradiction
good thing i have all these screenshots from former coworkers validating my concerns with their 20/20 vision.
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After almost 2 years searching, I finally found a pup that looks like my Mother-In-Law’s late dog, Domino. We decided to surprise her for her birthday with a tiny new family member...
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Asking for patience to my Savannah fans while I find another venue since
@tomstravel1
says “we don’t like our FEMALE comedians to do R-Rated material.”
I’m not willing to put on a bonnet & churn butter for laughs so we’re moving on to a less misogynistic venue. Thanks💗
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i had ticketmaster gift cards piled up from someone i used to know that I felt icky using so instead I bought a few folks very pricey tickets to ……🥁……Adam Sandler!
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Meet
@RadioKyro
! He’s out of hiding to clarify a few falsehoods about his disappearance. We discuss "hustle culture", rocket-skateboard™️ , and finding fulfillment in the mentorships VS. the paycheck.
🎧🐐
🎙
@krutonsking
#davithescapegoat
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I DID IT! First half marathon down! 13.1 miles! Thanks
@ATLtrackclub
@Q100Atlanta
#ad
Nothing tops this feeling of accomplishment & no nap can compare to the one I will take after a good stretch 🙌🏻🏃🏻♀️🙌🏻
#myfirsthalfmarathon
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DIDYA HEAR THE NEWS?!!!?!
😍🎙📻😍
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Indiana, you’re my people 💜
thankyouthankyouTHANKYOU for this weekend of incredible shows, supporting your local & traveling comics, and being SO so lovely to me n’ my guys! i needed that.
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I’m a planner. And I want to do a couple’s costume this Halloween as Brienne of Tarth & Jaime Lannister & my husband is being a total bitch about being Brienne 🙄
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In the event we flood I will be using our front door as a floatation device. Which I will share with my husband bc 2 CAN FIT, ROSE 😡
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Living my best life with my PRINCESS SQUAD!
You’d think they were pirates with the way they went and stole my heart 💗
#BBA2019
@bertsbigadv
@TheBertShow
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REMINDER that Pence said discussions of systemic racism = voices of division. Probably bc of the fact he’s horribly racist.
And last week Trump said “Proud Boys, stand by!” bc he’s bigly racist & a weak babyman.
ALSO - turns out no one can make me delete this 😁 So ENJOY!
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All these jokers like “If I get 60,000 RTs my boyfriend says I can adopt a kitten!!!!” & I’m all like How many retweets for you to dump him & just adopt the cat?
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HEY
@tylerperry
! We think you’re awesome & all we want is for you to have a great weekend. So we bought a billboard to tell you that. Thanks for everything you do for our community! 💗
@TheBertShow
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Marriage is FULL of surprises! Like when your new husband is terrified of sparklers but you don't realize it until the sparkler send-off at your wedding! We celebrated 5 years of marriage this weekend with a list of our FAV Marital Surprises, Listen here:
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watched a docu about cults so I’m starting one. Anyone want to officially join my cult? I mean, you’re already following me.
In my cult we pet dogs until we reach enlightenment or until the aliens show up to take us home. Whichever comes first. It’s a SUPER CHILL cult. Lmk.
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thank you for every sold out crowd & the unending support 💕 last few traveling shows this weekend in
#FortWorth
#Dallas
#DFW
&
#KansasCity
before my big announcement! 20 DAYS, FRIENDS!
tix here🎙
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9/20/14
5:55pm
I anticipate each new day by your side with the same enthusiastic fervor of this very moment. Happy anniversary
@blaircrimmins
❤️
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NEW EPISODE of
#davithescapeGOAT
just dropped! This guy needs NO introduction … but let’s do it anyway!
🐐 MEET MOOTE;
@MootePoints
of
@MooteKimmieOtis
!
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you know when you run into your ex & they are looking SO busted 🤌🏻💋
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thank you for over 200K listens to our cute lil 1 month old tiny baby 💕🐐🎧🎙💕
#podcast
#davithescapeGOAT
#grateful
scapeGOAT fan club members were first to hear the good news with a special THANKS of exclusive content!
become a member here:
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2 days left!
you wanna have first access? text “hello” to 844NEWDAVi 📱 right now
let’s goooooo!
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Sent my
#vote
by mail & didn’t get a fancy schmancy GA voter sticker SO I’m just gonna smash a peach against my titty 🍑 and call it a day.
Might send pics if you Venmo me. $
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I CAN NOT DEAL. 😭😭😭
Trebek’s voice trembling has us crying in the club rn
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I was cautious with my words this morning on-air but I’m always gonna be honest here.... this lying assclown needs to go.
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thank you so much for all the listens & love of
#davithescapeGOAT
! instead of a pricey vaca we got to celebrate 100K+ of you tuning in - makes working on week 3/4 better than any beach!!
🖤🎙🐐🎧🖤
thank you for supporting me & my talented friends!
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BOOM! some extra hustle & i get to bring you even more *bonus* content this week! listen, subscribe, rate ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
#davithescapegoat
🐐
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OMG WHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAT?!?! 😍
.
@preciousdavi
thought she was “playing along” about a
@bertsbigadv
bit...but she just found out she’s going on the trip for the first time!!!
#BBA2018
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Everyone needs to tweet
@CassandraYoung
today & let her know she’s beautiful, super smart, a fashion icon (
@curvystyleguide
), has a lovely smile, a great caboose, nice cheekbones,....... oh yeah, & tell her HAPPY BIRTHDAY too. Thx.
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thank you for everything, friends!
#HappyAnniversary
@blaircrimmins
Finally caught up on
@DAViscapeGOAT
and let me just say, I had to listen TWICE because I was laughing so hard about D!ld0 house 😂💀
I can’t wait to hear more adventure stories from your comfort humans❤️
Also happy anniversary
@DaviCrimmins
@blaircrimmins
🥂
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CONGRATS to
@MootePoints
& Jessica on announcing the big news this morning on
@MooteKimmieOtis
! Aunt Davi is so excited to teach Baby Moote all the best cuss words!
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I didn’t have role models. I just had people that taught me how NOT to be.
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I’ve cried tears of gratitude all day. The JOY certainly hits different when you receive long-overdue medical validation.
I thank you all for your kindness.
and if you’re struggling to understand yourself & others - I hope for you to get your answers, too. 🧠
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Your Yearly Reminder: NOBODY IS PUTTING DRUGS IN UR KID'S
#HALLOWEEN
CANDY. DRUGS ARE EXPENSIVE & NOBODY WANTS TO SHARE W/ UR SHITHEAD KIDS
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I worked Thanksgivings & Christmases for 7 years in the food service industry. Most customers on those days were having bad luck, lonely, & aggressive. They took it out on me, the cheerful bartender.
If you're out today - be KIND to your server & TIP well💰
#happythanksgiving
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folks with rage issues get to claim their “realists” while painting folks with ADHD/anxiety as “NEGATIVE”. then the sad person gets shunned & they tweet about
#MentalHealthAwarenessDay
disgusting, fake, but oh SO predictable 🫖
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this. big time this 👇🏼
Sometimes “keeping the peace” actually means: enabling abuse.
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@cancelthem000
I always thought it was quite telling that when discussing other hosts/staff content of that nature he used “mental health” … but when speaking of mine he used “mental ISSUES”.
but hey, maybe that’s just my ISSUES making me read too much into the bias 🙃
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No one has to be available to u 24/7. Not ur husband, sister, child - NO ONE. Sending a text is not a contract for unwavering attention from the receiver
I WILL TURN MY PHONE OFF WHENEVER I WANT.
I WILL NOT APOLOGIZE FOR DOING SO.
YOU WILL CALM YOUR TITS.
#NewYearsResolution
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How many times must I scream at the sky this year?
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This
#pandemic
#Thanksgiving
I don’t have to excuse myself to “go for a walk” bc I didn’t invite any judgey-jerks over so Imma light this blunt over the turkey fryer🔥& sit here scowling as the entire neighborhood uses my driveway to turn around all day. 🦃
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Thank you for your votes, Atlanta! This is so cool 😭
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i felt like i was sacrificed. so I says to myself,
"Davi, what gets sacrificed?"
GOATS and HOT VIRGINS.
and I ain't no hot virgin, so.....
#davithescapegoat
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@CassieDoss2
@BertShowBert
actually Bert’s version of “support” has been contacting folks in the industry to harass them for working with me. It’s a gross & immoral thing to do to someone that helped your brand & business grow for a decade.
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👉🏻 if it feels “hacky” & “fake” - that’s because it is. Your Automatonophobia is pinging, girl.
Trust it.
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PARENTS: NO ONE IS GIVING YOUR KIDS ECSTASY AS
#Halloween
CANDY. That $hit is expensive & lil' Timmy ain't worth it.
@STFUParents
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i finally caved and ordered some audacity. Amazon says it should be here in 2 days.
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Took Banjo out for some Puppy Speed Dating this weekend. He found a winner! So
@blaircrimmins
& I finally added our fourth to the household! Thanks
@hsnwga
for this little lovebug 🐶💙🧡❤️💚🐶
(Full segment up
@TheBertShow
website)
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Another reason we shouldn’t comment on one’s change in weight. You never know what people are suffering through in silence. 🖤
#ripChadwick
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I went full Nutty Professor & it took time So imma need more LIKES to feel good about my Friday night choices, pls & thank U 🤷🏻♀️🙏🏻 🥺
Full
@TheBertShow
Corny Joke Battle ▶️
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got a lil' surprise for the lil' crimmlins🫖🐐🫖
*BONUS* episode of
#davithescapegoat
starring
@krutonsking
&
@RadioKyro
just dropped! get it while it's hot! then give us a 5 stars⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
🎧
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