Danny Rathbun
@DannyRathbun
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Stand up comedian, writer, third most handsome comedian in the tri-state area
Joined March 2011
“So basically, it’s like walking except terrifying.” -The guy who invented roller skates
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Our show tonight (7/23)—with @silkyjumbo, @MartinUrbano, @TimBarnes451, @CarmenLagala, @DannyRathbun, @RachelMLenihan, @JonJZeller, and dogs—is sold out. See you at 7:30!
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I relistened to the song, and you know what? I think Kanye IS saying she’s a gold digger
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"My relationship with my ex-wife was perfectly fine. Some would say the relationship was TOO good and that's why we had to divorce."- Gino #90dayfiancebeforethe90days
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Dreams are so weird. People just say, “Well, it’s been a long day, I think I’ll go to go back to my room and trip balls for 8 hours, try not to be loud.”
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Saying goodnight to my wife: Me: I love you more than Anchorman Her: Awww Me(whispering): 2 Her: What was that? Me: nothing
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If Clue was set in NY, the solution to every game would be, “I dunno who killed him, that’s got nothing to do with me.”
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The JFK assassination is so full of words that don’t show up anywhere else in the English language. I don’t even know what a book depository is besides a place you go to shoot the President
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Who was our go to personification of evil before Hitler? Were people in the 1800s saying, “How could you vote for Chester A. Arthur?! He’s LITERALLY Ghengis Khan!”
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One time a guy told me I have the face of a weatherman and walked away before I could say anything, and I’ve thought about it every day for fifteen years
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I can’t imagine how much self control it takes to work for the post office. If I were a mailman I’d be fired 20 minutes into my first day for ripping open everyone’s packages to see what’s inside.
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Just saw this chubby teenager with a yarmulke, a hearing aid, and a profound lisp rap for a solid ten minutes on the train about how he is the greatest rapper of all time. You've got no excuse for not following your dreams.
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Just overheard a woman on the street explaining to a couple dudes “See, I can tell that Vin Diesel is gay, because I have really good gay-dar. No straight man is that tall.” I googled it and Vin Diesel is only 5’11” so I gotta go have a real awkward conversation with my wife
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I don’t have kids so when I give out unsolicited parenting advice I like to start it by saying, “Well, as a former baby…”
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There’s a homeless guy I pass every day with a blanket full of random crap he’s selling and there’s a unicycle on that blanket, and it’s such a weird feeling to be look at it and go “Wow there it is, the reason my wife is going to divorce me”
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Just learned that the PC term for ventriloquist dummy is ‘Ventrological Figure’ and I think I’m a Republican now?
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My guest this week on Comics Who Love Comic Books is @dannyrathbun! Do you need prior knowledge to enjoy The Dark Knight Returns? What does DC do that Marvel doesn't? What's the problem with DC's Crises? And much more!
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Remake It’s A Wonderful Life with Steven Seagal, and it’s an hour and a half of an angel struggling to find something that would have been worse if he was never born
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A lot of people think baseball is boring, but the thing is, if you die in baseball you die in real life
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