Interviewer: "Congrats on a great career"
Murray: "I might not be finished yet"
Interviewer: "It's over"
Murray: "But I might not b.."
Interviewer: "HERE'S A MONTAGE TO END YOUR CAREER! (please cry now)"
Imagine being that nob who's whistling to put off a darts player.
Now imagine whistling when the player's on a 9 darter he's trying to hit to entertain you.
If you're sat next to someone whistling, point them out to security - and also tell them from me they're idiots.
I once spent an evening at a hotel bar arguing with the new world champion about whether whales had tits.
That's the best I have to offer on this most momentous of days.
GET GOLDFINGER ON EVERY PIECE OF PROMOTIONAL MATERIAL THE PDC HAVE.
TAKE HIM TO MADISON SQUARE GARDEN.
BUILD A STATUE.
A SHRINE.
A TEMPLE.
ANDREW GILDING IS IN THE BUILDING.
Wigan: a man waits on a train platform with a dog on his shoulder, like some sort of Northern pirate who's lost his parrot and hastily found a replacement animal.
I'm currently on a train for which I've paid £120 for a ticket, and there's not a single legendary darts player on here to entertain the passengers.
Sort it out Avanti.
Michael Smith is only the 10th player to reach more than one PDC World Championship final.
He's one of the hardest workers in the game.
He's been the best player in this tournament so far.
I cannot say enough good things about the man.
I have long maintained that Peter Wright's one of the greatest players I've ever seen.
He only had one big title to his name, with an asterisk next to it, coz MvG & Taylor weren't there.
Now he's World Champ... convincingly beating MvG (102.88 avg) in the final.
No asterisks.
Peter Wright won £500k last night.
All he wants to do with it is buy a new music speaker and two pinball machines (one virtual, one old skool)
I think that's what I wanted when I was 8 years old.
Legend.
The fans were singing Michael Smith's name after Sunday's final in Minehead.
They were singing his name during that final tonight, where he almost turned it around.
He is adored as a player.
Nobheads on social media can do one.
If Peter Wright won a world semi final simply by making a joke at the end of set one, then it's a psychological masterstroke of world class proportions.
No rules broken.
No darts thrown.
Just pure jedi skills.
We are seeing a glimpse into the future of darts this afternoon.
Rydz, Dobey and Humphries could be fighting it out for big titles for years.
And even in 2046, Merv will still be there... Merving away.
A bloke who's nearly 52 is gonna become the PDC world number one for the first time in his life, and on the same day a teenager could become the youngest ever winner of a PDC major.
What a sport.
And so we come to the end of another year; a time to reflect on what we've achieved, what we've lost, and the milestones we have each reached over the last 12 mont... sod it... nobody cares... here's a picture of Dirk and The Mullet.
Hello to all newly-converted darts fans!
You are all welcome here in this majestic sport.
Now you've officially been brought into the fold, I'd like to talk to you about the Robin Park Tennis Centre in Wigan.
1/426
Alan Soutar has been one of the most brilliant stories from this tournament (and generally in darts this year).
But Callan Rydz is a genuine contender for this year's World Championship, and many, many, many more to come.
I just found out that Usain Bolt named his kids Thunder, St Leo and Olympia... which is like Phil Taylor naming his kids Power, Stoke, and Betfred World Matchplay Darts.
The streets won't forget the Champions League Of Darts on the BBC.
Sadly, the producers in the final year of it forgot to book a director who'd covered darts before.
Raymond van Barneveld plays Luke The Nuke Littler tonight in the 16 year old's first World Championship.
Barney's first world campaign was in a field including Eric Burden, who was born on 15 July 1945 - the day before the USA detonated the first atomic bomb.
Things I would change in darts no.306:
Replace the stats.
Instead of 100, 140, 180 counts
Have 91-100, 131-140, 171-180 counts
It's much more informative.
A 10 darter is good.
In a last leg decider is better.
In a last leg decider v MVG is mad.
To do it to become only the second German to reach a Euro Tour final is unreal.
#GDC23
James Wade in this year's world championship:
plays poorly - goes through to the next round
plays well - goes through to the next round
doesn't play at all - goes through to the next round
I think the growing Stephen Bunting fanbase tick-off a fair few of the criteria for being a genuine cult.
✅ charismatic leader
✅ said leader has impressive made-up name (The Bullet)
✅ utter conviction they are correct
✅ strict rules (let's go Bunting mental)
So it's Michael "Got no bottle, won't win a major" Smith v Rob "Got lucky, won't win another major" Cross.
One of them becomes the Matchplay Champion.
I absolutely adore it when folk on here who slag off darts players get proven wrong.
Splendid.
Rarely have I felt happier for a darts player to win a title.
We have waited so long, but it finally arrived.
You have just experienced...
THE BIG HENDO WEEKENDO
#BigHendoWeekendo
23 out of 26 perfect darts for Hempel in that mad spell.
He survived two match darts at the start of it, and was then leading with a break of throw in the deciding set by the end of it.
Game-changing, life-saving, Tour Card-preserving.
I know he's been playing really well, and he's generally just a top guy, but the Bunting Love amongst darts fans has gone through the roof lately.
Is it really just the Tik Toks?
Is that all it takes?
Andrew Gilding has got his own Sky Sports promo for the darts.
It's set to debut today.
I've not seen it, but I have imagined it for years.
Historic day for the sport.
Dobey has lost 4 sets on his way to the QFs.
His opponents have had to average 97, 112, 105 and 110 to win those sets.
He has lost none of them to nil.
Brilliant effort for the 9 darter, obviously - but a truly World's Greatest call of "ooooone huuunddreeed and seeevveeenteeeeeeee-eeeeen" from Kirk to accompany it.
Absolutely buzzing for the start of the Pro Tour now.
Luke Littler has 6 months to get to the Matchplay, with most other players already having had a 6 month head start.
It can be done... but it's hard.
Two of The Greats knocking lumps out of each other.
A record number of 180s in a semi.
Wright with the record 180s in any match.
A missed double for the 9 (again).
22-20 in legs.
All four players in the hunt for the title have spent the entire tournament doing what they're known for:
Luke has been relentlessly brutal.
Wade has Waded
Cross has been consistently quality.
And Bunting has won a load of games while cocking about on social media.
I think Jim Williams might be the most James Wade player around that isn't James Wade, and he's definitely the most James Wade player to have beaten James Wade despite not actually being James Wade.
He looked second best for so long in that game.
He seemed to be fading.
He never appeared to be comfortable.
But Peter Wright has just won 9 of the last 10 legs, averaging more than 110, to become a double world champ and further cement his incredible legacy.
If your plumber said he's figured out what's wrong with your sink, but then asked to come back Monday to fix it, because he has to play darts against a small Austrian with big hair live on the tele that night... would you believe him?
The oche is 2.37m away from the board.
For a nine darter, you throw the darts a combined total 21.33m
Gerwyn Price just hit a nine darter after throwing his darts more than 23m
A unique achievement.
Also: anyone chucking stuff on stage (which looks like it happened twice tonight) wants finding on the cameras, identifying, and being banned for life from all darts events.
Morons.
Michael Smith since England went 2-7 down:
T20
T20
T20
T20
Bull
T13
T20
T20 (bounceout)
T20
T20
T20
T20
D18 - but wanted D4 - bust score, and lose the match.
12 perfect darts (including one bounceout) then hit the neighbouring double and went out of the tournament.
Lukas Wenig is practically just the German translation of "Luke Littler"
Coincidence?
Yes.
But can we learn anything from this coincidence?
No.
But can we *really*?
Also no.
Remember to keep following this account for more cutting edge insight into the world of darts.
That Barneveld Chocomel advert from the Netherlands is now on British tele, but with zero reference to Raymond being who he is.
So a 5 time world darts champion is just having a drink whilst dressed as a builder and sat in a wheelbarrow.