DaddyJew
@DaddyJew
Followers
40K
Following
213K
Media
110
Statuses
21K
https://t.co/Khbo6khxhO
Baltimore, MD
Joined November 2011
*whispering into your ear while standing next to you at the urinal* you’re doing a stand up job buddy.
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RT @GashleyMadison: Before the internet, going viral meant your drawing made it to the fridge and your sibling was furious.
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RT @Marcmywords2: Twitter is now the longest relationship I’ve ever had, that didn’t end in Divorce, or a pile of my belongings burning in….
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RT @amerie_jayne: Do you ask each of your pets if they had a good day when you get home from work, or are you an asshole.
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RT @sofarrsogud: WIFE: So what did you do today?. ME: I wrote a movie where the son of God overthrows the Russian leader and becomes a bene….
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RT @deloisivete: My husband and kids are out of town for a few days, and I still woke up in the middle of the night because I thought I hea….
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RT @deloisivete: Had the bed all to myself last night, so you know what that means. I slept in a slightly different spot and now my neck f….
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RT @LorazeKim: Hey baby wanna play Winnie the Pooh and get your face stuck in my honey jar yes or no.
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Me: I’m not middle aged. Son: you’re closer to the end than you are the beginning. Me: go to your room.
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