Lifting weights at the gym counting reps and losing my shit when I get to 6, 7 so I laugh so hard I drop the weights on my feet and scream so loudly the 5’ 5” 200 pound gym bro who eats 2600 calories in chicken and rice every 4 hours thinks I’m prey and kills me with his hands

I gave my Muslim Wife the “Ramadong” last night😛If you know what I mean *A lifted Silverado flies off the highway and crashes through the roof of my house, killing me instantly*

Written English has barely changed in 300 years. If you can read Harry Potter, you can read Robinson Crusoe (1719). The Spelling of our Tongue was in the main ſettled ere the eighteenth Century, & the Grammar has ſuffer'd but little Alteration ſince. Yet before this happy

when my mother asks me why I’m free on Valentine’s day so I genuinely have to explain to her what Bethesda Game Studios is

Son: “Dad, what’s a joint custody?” Dad: “What did daddy say about talking when he’s in the kitchen? Go play your minecrafts.” *makes a crockpot meal so bad it causes white 9-11*

making spaghetti for the first time instead of watching the superbowl

I accidentally made him look scared

Thank you China for making everything

https://t.co/D1XGcEVQLD

I’m ovulating

Would you still love me if I was a freeballer

Wordle 1,660 2/6* 🟩🟨⬛⬛🟨 🟩🟩🟩🟩🟩 penis opener is unmatched

‘death to america’ is a pretty moderate position at this point

White boy money spread

I haven't showered since 2024😂😂

Just got an ad for the country of Slovenia

Skyrim's bears are so cute

Lil Nas X do you fuck with dudes who make 21.84/hr

The beauty of Skyrim

i jus be havin sex on the computer straight up lol (stalactite detaches from cave ceiling and impales me through the head)