April King 🌀
@CubicleApril
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Staff Security Engineer @ Dropbox, previously Mozilla, Twitter. mastodon @ april @macaw .social. Union Park District Council board member.
Pig’s Eye, MN
Joined November 2009
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Pinned Tweet
I'm excited to share a project that I've been working on: a brand-new version of
@Mozilla
's SSL Configuration Generator:
Configuring TLS is perhaps the most complicated and error-prone of all IT tasks, and this tries to make it as easy as possible.
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still thinking about using “Hi” as the salutation of a termination letter
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At 1.4¢/GB, did you know that it would take only 70 8GB videos per month to make Twitter Blue a money losing proposition?
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I'm not paid six figures as an engineer at
@Twitter
because I've memorized obscure DNS commands.
I'm paid it because I know when to look something up, know how to do it, and can recognize safe and correct answers.
And I'm senior because I can explain that information to others.
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Pretty incredible that Google is trying to get away with blaming macroeconomic conditions for their layoffs, when over the last year they’ve spend 57.36B on stock buybacks.
That’s enough to support the 12,000 laid off engineers at their median engineer compensation for 23 years.
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@evacide
pretty big brained stuff to start a legal battle via being a public asshole to one of the most popular people in Iceland.
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@saliozzia
is that the sort of thing you get while someone watches a two hour video without ads?
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me: so nobody has been into the office in six months?
recruiter: correct
me: and the plan is to not change that for at least a year?
recruiter: indeed
me: but you're not hiring remotely?
recruiter: correct, local only
me: have a great day then
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well, well, well, if it isn't the consequences of my own actions
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Elon Musk has banned the Cyanide and Happiness guy in an attempt to be the funniest person on
@twitter
, not realizing that he’ll have to ban another 220 million users before he can claim that crown.
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Breaking news: scientists are reporting a recent discovery that exposure to Starlink satellite transmissions is now the leading cause of COVID-19 infections worldwide.
Twitter will no longer enforce its COVID-19 misinformation policy, according to a note posted to its website.
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Hackers (1995): We have to use a HUGE number, so let's say that Zero Cool crashed 1507 servers in a single day.
DevOps engineers (2021): Sorry about crashing 1507 servers, I accidentally pushed a bad config to Github.
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Interviewer: what happens when you type enter your address bar and hit enter?
Candidate: *talks for 18 hours*
Interviewer: didn't mention the host USB controller polled the keyboard, powered by 5V on pin 1, to get the keycodes stored in its memory. fail.
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perhaps the greatest display of leadership weakness ever
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Companies: Sorry, since you’ve moved to an area with lower wages and cost-of-living, we have to adjust your pay down 12%.
Me: Oh. Huh. Well, at least your product is cheaper here since the average household income is lower, right?
Companies: No.
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This was definitely the worst part about my job at Twitter.
Management was always asking if we could find a way to use the 14GB that was left over at the end of the day, not realizing that we only had the one USB port.
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unless you've paid tesla for fully-autonomous autopilot
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tech companies be like, “why bother with an expensive team of experienced engineers and fact-checkers when we could instead replace them with an AI chatbot that thinks Australia doesn’t exist?”
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computers used to yell at us when we connected to the internet, but in our hubris we ignored them.
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Sometimes it’s hard to believe that MySpace had both customizable CSS and auto-playing music and yet we gave it up for Facebook.
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@noisegrrrl
It wouldn’t surprise me if they just took it, what is the user going to do about it? :\
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“would going back to 140 characters cut our server costs in half?”
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Companies: Unfortunately, we need to cut your pay. It’s nothing personal, it’s solely based on your new cost-of-living.
Employee: If my rent goes up, does that mean I get a raise?
Companies: No.
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Me: I wrote a web scanner used by 20 million people, the most referenced TLS guidelines on the internet, and Firefox's certificate viewer.
Interviewer: That's great, but in five minutes can you find the flaw in this non-functioning code stolen from a bad CTF a decade ago?
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My eight-year-old found my copy of The Manga Guide to Microprocessors and he’s been spending this morning excitedly showing me how an XOR gate works.
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“I notice that you have a decade’s worth of contributions to open source projects on GitHub,” noted the recruiter, “that’s great!”
“When would be an ideal time to schedule you for your whiteboard coding exercise?”
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big middle finger to the universe, but especially to the colleague who made my bones hurt by pointing out that the `z` in `tar -xvzf` hasn’t been needed since version tar 1.15, released in 2004.
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A new engineer was hired to take over a struggling team. The departing engineer presented her with three numbered envelopes. “Open these if you run into trouble,” he said.
Three months later, the payment system crashed, costing millions. She opened the first envelope:
BLAME DNS
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truly hope that nobody writes a twitter API library using the official client’s API keys, as that would almost certainly violate their terms of service.
these are the keys that they would want to avoid using:
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@stevekrenzel
Woah woah woah, I have a massively huge YIKES from my Twitter time as well. Wonder if it's okay for me to talk about it? 🤔
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Would you say that sanitizing Unicode is still a problem?
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I like how it’s always “workers rebelling” instead of “employers failing to listen to their employees.”
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kudos to google for offering a free option to keep AI out of search results
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Alex (age 8): Hey Mom, can you help me create an account on a website?
Me: Sure, no problem.
Alex: It says I’m not old enough to have one.
Me: Uhh… which website are you trying to create an account on?
Alex: GitHub.
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it is extremely frustrating how inaccurately hacking is depicted in movies, never once showing hackers wearing their fursuits
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I have been working in tech for 25 years, and I don’t think I have experienced more condescending techbro explanations than what I got after criticizing some shortcomings of Mastodon.
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If a single employee was able to bring down production, then it definitely wasn't their fault.
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99% of problems can be solved by a website with some JavaScript calling a Python REST API that queries an SQL database.
Stop chasing the decisions of people with problems several orders of magnitude more complex than yours unless you understand why they did it.
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Remember never to `curl` a URL and pipe it to your shell: instead, download the installer, and keep clicking yes.
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anyone who thinks $8 will stop people from doing this has clearly never met someone who owns a dozen domain names they regret purchasing.
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elon: paid verification is the only way to stop bots
bots:
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@elonmusk
so weird how Twitter had over 30% women in tech roles before you bought it and now there are almost none
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still coming to grips with the fact that the programmers who left print() statements in their code were right all along
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Really must tip my hat to Elon’s failed verification experiment for giving me the perfect lifelong example about why it’s cheaper and easier to listen to security during the design phase of a product.
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nervously sweats in having “april” as her github username
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the world’s first suicide hotline was founded in 1953 by Reverend Chad Varah, who was inspired because he ran the funeral for a 14-year-old girl who killed herself after she started menstruating and thought she had gotten a sexually-transmitted infection.
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git blame, but it tells you who reviewed the code instead
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RIP Twitter “Official” Label:
November 9, 2022 – November 9, 2022
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Tesla should publish all self-driving incidents that affect its customers
Apple should publish all censorship actions it has taken that affect its customers
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I am neither conventionally right nor left, but a secret third thing (far right).
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Many are complaining that I’m not being fair to Google’s upper management, who receive tens of millions of dollars in annual compensation.
To balance it out, here is a list of profitable new businesses that Google has started since Sundar Pichai became CEO in 2015:
1.
2.
3.
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OWASP Top 10 (2021):
1. Insufficient security funding
2. Using “god” as password
3. Too busy tweeting
4. <redacted>
5. Mispronouncing “gif”
6. 1264 tickets in Jira backlog
7. Too many meetings
8. Hiring w/ whiteboard coding exercises
9. Helicopters
10. Workday deleting goals
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using blue LEDs as status indicators in consumer electronics should be enough to get your engineering license revoked.
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@MistressSnowPhD
I think a lot of about how modern Pride is so disconnected from original Pride, and how so much of that is due to losing an entire generation of storytellers to AIDS.
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I've probably missed a few, but here's some macOS software I've found well worth paying for:
1Password $30-60/yr
Affinity Photo/Designer/Publisher: $100
Alfred: $80(ish)
Bartender: $16
HomeControl: $13
Lunar: $23
Path Finder: $20/yr
SoundSource: $39
Things 3: $50
What's yours?
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the future sucks
A scannable QR code advertisement created by drones above the skies of Shanghai.
Beautiful.
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my wife: what’s the name of the actor that sounds like a docker container?
me: …
my wife: oh yeah! benedict cumberbatch!
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Websites: *spend untold hours covering images in layers of transparent images and using CSS trickery to disable copy image functionality*
Me: *opens up the network tab in dev tools and clicks the images button*
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Apple: We’ve got mail privacy! We’ve got web privacy! We’ve got message privacy! You want privacy, we’ve got it!
Users: Great, can I encrypt my iCloud backups so you can’t read all my data regardless?
Apple: Sorry, no can do. It’s simply not possible with today’s technology.
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@rustafarian_dev
they can't even implement basic promised features for twitter blue, and you think they'll be able to implement mid-roll ads?
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me previously: ahahaha, I shall use a giant random password filled with letters and numbers and special characters and it will be so secure 💪
me, trying to enter that password into an app on her TV: oh no
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sources of institutional knowledge:
• jira tickets
• one-off google docs
• old slack conversations
• that one engineer who has been there for 14 years
not sources of institutional knowledge:
• the wiki
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Got my eight-year-old a Chromebook this weekend, and he has been frantically writing Python code any moment that I’ll let him.
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@jaymeedwards
oh there were plenty of calculations done, which is why this was never rolled out with twitter 1.0
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ahahahahahahaha hehehehehehe
this is the greatest library card design ever, thanks
@stpaullibrary
.
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“Where do you see your career in five years,” he asks the woman during a pandemic, as she stares outside at a sky filled with wildfire smoke.
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the please stop disabling pasting text into your input fields 2021 challenge
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me as a junior engineer: ugh, i am so tired of coding, can i please talk to someone for a few hours?
me as a staff engineer: ugh, i am so tired of talking to people, can i please code alone for a few hours?
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“What is your plan for this sprint?”
“My plan for the next two weeks is to determine how I can split my poorly divisible long-term goals into a series of barely coherent tasks designed to fit into a model created largely for software developers.”
“Excellent work, as always.”
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“Phone number-based 2FA is so insecure that we are only going to let our paying customers use it.”
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confluence pages be like, “last updated 2016 by disabled account”
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@kocienda
@wongmjane
Not to mention all the research that shows that once you start hitting 35-40 hours a week you stop being productive and once you hit 50 or so your productivity usually becomes negative.
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I don't have a soundcloud or onlyfans or gofundme, but I did want to thank all the twitter blue subscribers who responded to this tweet and helped flesh out my automated blocklist.
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I have spent my entire 20+ year career on infosec blue teams, pretty much never doing red team anything.
And I know it's not a super special thing at all, but I just got my first significant bug bounty ($2500) and I am so danged excited about it. ☺️
(can't say what it is yet)
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Imagine going on Reddit and bragging that your company took advantage of information asymmetry to pay a woman less, despite identical roles and qualifications.
Share your salaries and put an end to nonsense like this.
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@Dixie3Flatline
Why alias `sudo` to `please` when you could take it a step further with `prettyplease` instead? 🥰
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I finally did it! Today I used a cable (TB2→DVI) that had been sitting in storage for an entire decade.
All of you tech people who have bins and bins of obsolete cables, know now that your hoarding is completely justified.
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thanks to the twitter press team for their prompt response
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Modern programming, where even null takes up 12.2 gigabytes.
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@TwitterDev
_please_ hire a professional comms person, because somehow you have managed to compose a tweet that is both needlessly aggressive and completely uninformative.
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Normalize asking for salary information upfront.
If a recruiter won't tell you what the approximate salary, bonuses, and benefits are prior to interviewing, then wish them best of luck.
I have a near 100% success rate; you shouldn't have to interview only to be disappointed.
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