Swamp Coochie 🇨🇦
@CrownsAndThings
Followers
14,416
Following
7,538
Media
10,285
Statuses
129,593
Hi, I’m human and it hurts. Not a dude. Live, laugh, toaster bath. A-romantic. She/her. #AbortionRightsAreHumanRights
Canada
Joined August 2012
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Pinned Tweet
So much rejection in every connection I make
Can’t find nobody home
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CLEAN OUT YOUR DAMN FRIDGE THERE’S NO EXCUSE FOR THIS!
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I’m answering all my DM’s like this from now on.
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Found this stray dog, it doesn’t have a collar so I have no idea who it belongs to.
Please share so that hopefully this post makes it back to the owner and they can be reunited 🙏🏻
Bringing it home for the night, gonna look for the owner in the morning.
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Maybe the world is the way it is because people don’t throw virgins into volcanos anymore 🤷🏼♀️.
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I’m gonna lose a lot of followers for this but I HATE the show Friends.
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I’m sorry for all the times my depression and anxiety made me a shitty friend.
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Found this stray dog, it doesn’t have a collar so I have no idea who it belongs to.
Please share so that hopefully this post makes it back to the owner and they can be reunited 🙏🏻
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Okay and? I see no problem with valuing my dogs life over another person, especially someone I don’t know
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Do you ever drive somewhere, but your brain is on autopilot, and when you get there and park you wonder to yourself how the fuck you got there?
No? Just me? Okay cool.
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I just bought a brownie that has 1,300 mg Indica thc in it. I’m bout to forget my name.
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Me: I’m fat
People on twitter: nooo you’re beautiful!
Me: bitch, did I say I was ugly?
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Will you guys still love me if I eat a whole container of guac by myself?
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It has been wayyyyyy too long since I’ve touched a penis.
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@hoodfavrellyy
@JayMD9
@KenzeeGiles
Or you could teach young men not to attack women. That’s an even better solution.
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This is what happens when I go to bed with wet hair and I forgot to put it in a bun 😒
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Who knew a fucking riddle would affect someone’s life so much 🤷🏼♀️ people are extra cunty today
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I have six eggs.
I broke two, fried two and ate two.
How many do I have left?
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93 likes? Seriously? I’m sad that quite a lot of them were mutuals of mine. I’ve unfollowed anyone that liked this garbage. I’m ashamed of you all.
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I don’t mean to brag but I just won $8 on a lottery ticket so I don’t have time for you peasants anymore.
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What base is it when he ignores your texts but he still tweets?
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Fellas,
If you have sex with a girl and she has to finish herself off when you’re done then I hate to break it to you but you’re bad at sex.
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I have Snoop Dogg and Beethoven on the same playlist. Don’t fuck with me.
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Sometimes it’s just one finger, sometimes it’s my whole hand, sometimes it’s both hands. Some days it’s mild, some days I can’t hold a utensil. This is my good hand. This is part of who I am.
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I don’t know who needs to hear this, but don’t let a recipe tell you how much garlic to use! You measure that shit with your heart!
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Can we stop putting expiration dates on women? K, thanks.
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Ignore the reply guy
Ignore the reply guy
Ignore the reply guy
Ignore the reply guy
Ignore the reply guy
Ignore the reply guy
IgnOMG I CANT TAKE THIS ANYMORE
“listen here ya little shit....”
..... and that’s how the fight started.
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Nope. I’m not brushing it. I give zero fucks today.
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So... how are all my south Canadians doing tonight? 😂😂❤️❤️
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I have no clue which twitter I fit into.
I’m not nice enough for kindness twitter, I’m not inspirational enough for inspiration twitter, I’m not a poetry or porn account, I’m not funny enough to be part of funny twitter.
I’m having a twitter identity crisis.
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I dunno why they call it a She Shed and not a Slut Hut.
Seems like a missed opportunity to me 🤷🏼♀️
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Well, in the last 24 hrs I’ve learned that tweeting food pics can trigger people to the point of telling me I should die and that my mother regrets having me, and that I’m a bitch.
So obviously I’m going to post more, and the haters can go fuck their miserable assed selves.
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I’m here for anyone who’s feeling alone or or down around the Christmas season.
I understand the pressure to feel joyful around this time of year when you’re drowning on the inside.
I see you. I’m here for you. My DM’s are open.
No one has to be alone.
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I can’t breathe 😂😂😂😂 the fucking background music
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I don’t wear makeup often, but today I felt like it 😆
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Don’t forget to ruin someone’s joke today by taking it seriously 👍🏻
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Update- I found the original post on Reddit and apparently the op left it in the fridge for two months with a lid on it. The lid had an air hole and the mold/fungus grew directly under the air hole.
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My tits nearly give me a black eye every time I drive over a pot hole.
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I don’t fart, I whisper in my pants.
Okay, sometimes it’s a scream.
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You guys know Twitter isn’t a dating site right?
You don’t have to put that you’re single in your bio.
Just sayin.
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I’m actually pretty attractive if you don’t look at me 🤷🏼♀️
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Fuck this shit, I’m done with the internet for today.
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Americans will literally use anything BUT the metric system.
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I like older men because they've gotten used to life's disappointments. Which means they're ready for me.
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This is getting ridiculous. Never in my seven years on twitter have I received as much hate as I have tonight for sharing this pic.
I’ve been called names, been told my mom regrets having me, and been told I should die.
OVER A PICTURE OF FOOD!
Are you kidding me???
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I got yelled at by a customer. Not because he was mad at me, but because I’m working alone and it’s busy af and even though I was doing the best I could I still should have had help.
I’ve never had a customer be angry for me before.
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Please be patient with Canadian twitter as we transition from complaining about the cold to complaining about the heat.
We’ll be back to regular programming shortly.
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I think this is what I’ll wear to the family get together this Christmas.
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Wellness check: How is everyone?
I’m super bored but I’m safe and healthy.
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@oceancz
@KimberLKA
@JaniceNicol
@MashishiSekini
@jordyvotes
Great idea, get a vasectomy. Do your part to prevent pregnancy.
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People who clap when the plane lands, what the fuck?
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I wouldn’t do a damn thing for a Klondike bar but I’m a total slut for fried chicken.
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Golly, thanks to a shit ton of internet strangers I just learned that I can stop having anxiety by just choosing not to have it 🤷🏼♀️ who knew it was that easy? Lol
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We’re getting 40 cm of snow tonight.
That’s two cocker spaniels stacked on top of each other in American.
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Hey, people who follow me but don’t interact, WHAT DO YOU WANT FROM ME???
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No, 60 year old man on the internet, my tweet wasn’t about you. Go take the trash out for your wife.
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Thanks for letting me know Marla, I had no idea 🙄
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I don’t want a relationship, I just want someone to eat my pussy on the regular.
Not you, but someone.
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I got unfollowed by some accounts I actually liked in case anyone wants to know how my first day of 2020 is going 🤷🏼♀️
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Hey, ladies who are hot AND funny, can you leave some dick for the rest of us?
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