Count Binface
@CountBinface
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Space politician. Campaigner for affordable croissants. Sane. Candidate for Mayor of London 2024! Promoted by Count Binface, at PO Box 731, Wadhurst TN5 6TD
The Cosmos
Joined December 2018
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Pinned Tweet
Here it is: my 2024 manifesto to be Mayor of London. Can any other candidate beat this? Not a chance!
#VoteBinface
#MakeYourVoteCount
#IchBinEinLondoner
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In a field of 17 candidates, I came 8th. And for the second time in three years, I beat UKIP and Piers Corbyn in a democratic election. If that’s not a sign of hope, nothing is.
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Here is my full manifesto for London. Can any other candidate beat this? No chance!
#VoteBinface
#MakeYourVoteCount
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If Matt Hancock would rather go on I'm A Celebrity than serve his constituents while being paid lots of money to be an MP, he should face an immediate by-election. Against me. RT if you agree.
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ELECTION CAMPAIGN BUDGET:
Laurence Fox: £5million
Count Binface: Zero
LATEST POLLING:
Laurence Fox: 1%
Count Binface: 1%
#MakeYourVoteCount
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HOW TO DEFEAT BORIS: all other parties should stand down in Uxbridge & South Ruislip at the next election, and let me take him down. That way he won't just lose, he'll lose in the way he deserves.
#BinBoris
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The Conservative Party: putting the N into cuts since 1834.
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Liz Truss votes for PM: 81,316
Count Binface votes for mayor: 92,896
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Dear BBC, a gentle reminder that this is written on the side of your fucking headquarters. If I were you, I’d be sacking the chairman who withheld the truth, NOT the presenter who told it.
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Do you remember when the Times printed an explosive story about Boris Johnson trying to give Carrie a top job during their affair while his wife had cancer, and then suddenly the story mysteriously vanished? Just in case anyone has forgotten, I’ve accidentally posted it here.
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Who is Adolf Hitler? The downfall of a promising painter.
Who is Ghislaine Maxwell? The downfall of a favourite daughter
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Boris Johnson on Kier Starmer: “He’s a lawyer, not a leader.”
What he means is Mr Starmer is a criminal barrister, not a criminal.
#PMQs
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A reminder.
Liz Truss votes for PM: 81,316
Count Binface votes for mayor: 92,896
I have a bigger political mandate than her.
And I’m not hiding.
#BinTruss
#BringInBinface
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Dear Boris Johnson,
It seems your bold move of barring 3 Russians from being able to open a new ISA wasn’t quite the diplomatic masterstroke you claimed it was.
Yours sincerely,
Everyone
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Removing page numbers from Boris Johnson’s CBI speech.
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Johnson: I caused Brexit.
Starmer: I'd improve Brexit.
Binface: I'd stop it. It's a shitshow.
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Conservatives want you to forget it, but they actually made Liz Truss Prime Minister.
Labour wants you to forget it, but Sir Keir Starmer spent years trying to make Jeremy Corbyn Prime Minister.
Corbyn's worldview:
❌ NATO
❌ Nuclear deterrent
✅ Hamas & Hezbollah
You can't trust Labour with our national security.
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Somewhere in Whitehall right now there is a civil servant with the power to leak Sue Gray’s report, bypassing police corruption and letting the multiverse see what the scumbags got up to. Their finger will be hovering over their mouse wondering whether to click ‘send’. LEAK IT.
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Nick Fletcher MP has a majority of only 3630. I call upon all opposition parties to ensure that at the next election he’s replaced by a woman.
Conservative MP Nick Fletcher says Doctor Who being played by a woman has pushed young men into crime.
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Liz Truss attempts a Force choke, and chokes herself.
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Under the Tories you can’t even see a fictional GP.
The BBC has taken the very difficult decision to bring daytime drama Doctors to an end after 23 years
Read more:
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I beat you in the election, Piers. A bin-clad space alien from Planet Sigma IX beat you. So it’s with a democratic mandate from the people of London that I can say: kindly leave public safety notices alone, you mad twat.
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Prince William fails you.
Rishi Sunak fails you.
Count Binface steps in.
Come on England!
#Lionesses
#wwcfinal
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If Boris Johnson doesn't resign, I demand that all other parties step down from fighting the Uxbridge & South Ruislip seat at the next general election, so he is always known as the Prime Minister who lost to Count Binface. It's time to take out the trash.
#PartyGate
#BinBoris
#
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#PMQs
just isn't the same since they moved to this new format of rotating guest Prime Ministers every week.
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I am inevitable.
Our latest polling shows Boris Johnson is projected to LOSE his seat at the next general election 👀
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He’s not just a terrible Prime Minister.
He’s a terrible man too.
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HOW TO DEFEAT BORIS: all other parties should stand down in Uxbridge & South Ruislip at the next election, and let me take him down. That way he won't just lose, he'll lose in the way he deserves.
#BinBoris
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I propose knocking down the Dome and replacing it with a nature reserve, giving humans and animals a place in London by the river where they can enjoy the fresh air. It will be called the O2.
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Under a Binface government, anyone who doesn’t accept human-made climate change as fact will be sent back to school, from Year 1 right the way to A Levels, to see if anything goes in the second time round.
#VoteBinface
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Nothing says I didn't lie to parliament like changing the rules to make it ok to lie to parliament.
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Tory leadership contest latest:
Sunak - I’ll increase poverty.
Truss - I’ll kill everyone.
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Nicola Sturgeon and Jacinda Ardern resigned of their own record when they'd had enough. Boris Johnson was kicked out by his own party when everyone else had had enough.
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STOP INTERVIEWING LIZ TRUSS. Speaking as an intergalactic space warrior with a bin for a head and a Ceefax fixation, she’s not a serious person.
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Mate, you blew a £50 billion hole in the UK’s finances in just 50 days, burning public money with criminal negligence. As a more respected politician than you, I believe I have a mandate from the British people when I say, FUCK OFF LIZ TRUSS.
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Piers Corbyn, you were comprehensively beaten in the London mayor election by me, an alien with a bin for a head. So by the power vested in me by 92,896 humans, please give the planet some much-needed Christmas cheer and fuck off to the asylum where you belong. Thanks petal x
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Jacob Rees-Mogg has compared Boris Johnson’s
#PartyGate
fine to the Decision Review System in cricket, which is a brilliant defence apart from one small detail. If this was cricket, Johnson would be out.
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RT if you’d rather swear allegiance to Count Binface than King Charles III.
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🚨BREAKING: France agrees to solve channel crossing chaos by sending all Brits arriving in Calais to Rwanda.
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Nothing conveys how far the United Kingdom has fallen more clearly than the phrase 'Business Secretary Jacob Rees-Mogg'.
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2 years ago today.
The circle is now complete.
I’d win the rematch.
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How long does it take the Metropolitan Police to read through a bunch of questionnaires so that charges can be issued and Sue Gray can release her full report? Asking for an enemy.
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Whoever you vote for, do vote if you can. Democracy is amazing and, believe it or not, not many planets have it. Politicians are your servants, and today's the day you can give them a pat on the back. From either your hand or a cow, depending on whether they're any good. Enjoy!
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STOP PRESS! I promise that as MP for Uxbridge & South Ruislip I WILL move the hand dryer in the gents’ urinals at the Crown & Treaty to a more sensible position. TO PROVE IT, I have just signed a treaty with the Crown & Treaty, that if I win they will move it. I keep my promises!
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The Health Secretary must be kicking himself that he’s committed adultery while working for a boss who places such a high importance on family values.
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Iceberg offers to fix Titanic.
BREAKING : David Cameron planning political comeback to fix “Broken Britain”
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Every Russian oligarch with links to Putin should have their wealth and privileges immediately frozen. Abramovich should lose Chelsea. Lebedev should lose his peerage. I call this policy the Decuntification of Britain.
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Dear energy companies,
What would you do if the British people launched a co-ordinated move to refer all their exorbitant fuel bills to the Energy Ombudsman? Because the internet would enable this and I have a sneaky feeling you might be fucked. Asking for 67 million friends. CBx
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NEW: I'm told that Boris Johnson has over 100 children.
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🤫 He means you,
@BorisJohnson
Archbishop of Canterbury, Justin Welby: “Those who serve will be loved and remembered longer than those who cling to power and privilege are long forgotten”.
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Rishi Sunak: ‘I have never taken drugs and I will be incredibly tough on anyone who does.’
👀
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Wrong again.
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So they DID air an arse-licking tribute to Jimmy Savile despite knowing he was a predatory sex offender...
And now they WON'T air a documentary in which Sir David Attenborough speaks actual facts about the destruction of nature?
Go home, BBC. You're drunker than Phil Mitchell.
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North Shropshire swing: 28,874
Boris Johnson’s majority: 7,210
Dominic Raab’s majority: 2,743
There’s only one thing stopping me licking my lips. I don’t have any lips.
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Being under pressure to resign and sending out Jacob Rees-Mogg to bat for you is like being on the point of defeat to Australia’s bowling attack and sending out Jacob Rees-Mogg to bat for you.
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OH YES THEY SHOULD.
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Under a Binface government, any company that advertises for Christmas in October will be nationalised, liquidated and destroyed within the first 100 days.
#GBBO
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However much Michael Gove tries to level up Britain, it’ll never get as high as him.
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Count Binface is urging children to sing Another Brick In The Wall Part 2 on June 25.
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The Tories won’t say it.
Labour daren’t say it.
The whole planet sees it.
BREXIT IS A SHITSHOW.
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I’m on Team Nazanin. And I’d give Iran another £400m if they’ll take the last five foreign secretaries.
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Boris said he wanted to be king. So for the things he’s said, the things he’s done and the things he didn’t do, I’ve made him this message.
#VoteBinface
#Hamilton
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“Let the bodies pile high”, he said.
And they did.
Johnson should not be allowed to spend another day as Prime Minister. The UK needs and deserves better. I have zero power to call for a vote of no confidence in him. But small print won’t stop me. Bin him. He’s a human shitshow.
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Zak Crawley 189 & Count Binface 190
Oh what a day. What a lovely day!
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DON’T LET HIM BACK IN. It’s time for the UK to gain independence from Nigel Farage, and then to celebrate with a big party. It will be called the UK Independence Party.
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Little Dix
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VOTE COUNT BINFACE TO:
✅ Fund the NHS
✅ Save the BBC
✅ Feed children
✅ Not unnecessarily kill thousands
✅ Bring back Ceefax
✅ Nationalise Adele
✅ Price cap croissants at £1
✅ Give Downing St some dignity
✅ Destroy the Tories
✅ Put Britain on the map
#MakeYourVoteCount
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