Chase Mitchell
@ChaseMit
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Writer for hire, formerly of @insidejob , @FallonTonight , and one time for an aftershow about sharks
Los Angeles, CA
Joined March 2009
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Taylor Swift
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#黒鉄の魚影
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#黒鉄の魚影
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ONGSASUN BEGIN AGAIN
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宝石の国
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ホームラン
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ウォッカ
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哀ちゃん
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黒の組織
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ジンニキ
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シェリー
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ベルモット
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ノーカット
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HERE ZIP OFFICIAL PHOTO 2
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クソシステム
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蘭姉ちゃん
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ジンの兄貴
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Pinned Tweet
Classic “I ate part of this guy” photo
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Pope not gonna be in Scream 7
Pope Francis on Israel’s assault on Gaza: “This is not war, it is terrorism”.
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Anthony Fauci being bad at sports makes me trust his science more
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TLC just came in its pants
Identical twin brothers Josh & Jeremy married identical twin sisters Brittany & Briana. Both couples gave birth to baby boys at the same time. Although technically cousins, the boys are genetically brothers. It gets more weird: Both families live together in the same house.
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Congratulations to the LA Dodgers for successfully avoiding having to meet the president
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Bitch I can do both I got time
Making Trump officials miserable isn't going to accomplish anything. Vote them out if you want change.
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The official haircut of no one around you telling you no
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Little secret about me: my answer to the question “would you like a receipt” is based on absolutely nothing and changes all the time
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I am a dipshit. It took an episode of Atlanta to teach me about Juneteenth. It took an episode of Watchmen to teach me about the Tulsa massacre. It shouldn’t have. And I’m pretty sure I’m not the only dipshit out there.
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That presidential text is like getting an Amber Alert from the guy who did it
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Can tell I’m 37 because I’m getting a 4:30 PM coffee with somebody and structuring my whole night around it like we’re doing mushrooms in the desert
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Nancy Pelosi fat-shamed the president in that dry, brutal way that white women usually reserve for their own daughters
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Dating me is considered a great honor for a supermodel. Kate Upton is hesitating, therefore invitation is withdrawn!
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@Cobratate
@GretaThunberg
“Hey bro can you get a pic of me putting gas in my car? It’s for an online feud with a little girl”
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They needed more time to explain to Chris Pratt why he hates Mondays. He kept saying, "I don't get it - every day is a gift from the Lord"
‘GARFIELD’, starring Chris Pratt and Samuel L Jackson, has been delayed to May 24, 2024.
See what other movies just got delayed:
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A LIDS EMPLOYEE, ONE WEEK AGO: Are you sure, sir? No one's ever bought that one before. It's kinda just for display.
ROB LOWE:
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Lot of people making fun of this headline, but I ABSOLUTELY believe Elon Musk could make a zoo where everything breaks and a lot of people die
Real-Life Jurassic Park? Elon Musk Could Make It Happen, According To Business Partner
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The guy who ran for president on his ability to make and close deals could not successfully book a Bruce Springsteen cover band.
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Controversial take: this place is the best it’s ever been
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I think this guy thinks EGOT just means you won four awards
Just one more til EGOT. Someone cast her in an acclaimed movie NOW
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I firmly believe that as long as we live, CG will never look better or more convincing than it does in this scene. We peaked early
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I mean yeah I guess when you build a site whose entire audience is assholes who peaked in high school and still subscribe to Maxim, they don’t care if you say the n-word because they just yelled it out a car window
Barstool Sports founder Dave Portnoy defends using racist language in past videos, saying "I'm uncancellable"
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“Kids? I am vengeance, ok? I am the night. So just, y’know, keep that in mind.”
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Bohemian Rhapsody literally just got an Academy Award for sound editing for putting Queen songs in a Queen movie
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Crazy to me that in 2008 Paul Bettany popped into an audio booth to record some quick VO for Iron Man and because of that, 13 years later he has to put on like 6 hours of makeup every day to play a robot in a Disney sitcom parody thriller
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Oh cool does he know one
Tim Allen: I Like Pissing People Off. And Nothing Does More Than A Very Funny Conservative.
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Make your easy jokes about Alabama and Georgia, but remember: the people who actually live in those states do not want this
There is no state in the country where support for banning abortion reaches even 25 percent. (Data for Progress analysis of the 2016 Cooperative Congressional Election Studies)
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One time Ricky Gervais searched his name on twitter, saw that I said he wasn’t funny, then tried to get me fired by tagging my boss in a tweet about it. Anyway he’s 100 percent reading everything you’re saying
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Black men don’t die to teach people things. This isn’t fucking Green Mile
Garcetti calls for peace, saying “George Floyd died in our America so that we may make sense of our future to make sure that we never see that again.” Watch live:
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Josh Hawley kisses his wife like his parents are making him eat broccoli for the first time
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"SEE YOU IN COURT"
"Ok cool, that is where we work, so it is very convenient for us"
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Probably the best way to honor Aretha Franklin at the Grammys would be to have nobody try to sing her songs because nobody could touch them. Seriously. Have Beyoncé walk out and hit play on an iPod
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This is the first time Republicans have cared about a woman's health.
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i DEMAND to be in good shape and i REFUSE to do anything to make that happen. Those are my terms
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Definitely the future of television I had in mind was me having to google every movie I want to watch to see if it’s currently in one of its one-month windows on any of the seven streaming services I pay for. This is way easier than buying a DVD. I love it.
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Fun fact: This dude makes SAG residuals off his many years portraying a comic book character who is a leftist anarchist based on Robin Hood
Stephen Amell doesn’t support the WGA and SAG-AFTRA strikes.
“I do not support striking. I don't. I think it's a reductive negotiating tactic, and I find the entire thing entirely frustrating.”
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Netflix Documentary: High, floating drone shot of a small town
Me: I am fuckin in
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This looks like a scientist explaining to his clones what went wrong
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Bombing is one thing, blaming the writers onstage is unforgivable
Golden Globes host Jo Koy just went off-script after one of his jokes bombed: “I got the gig 10 days ago! You want a perfect monologue? Yo, shut up. You’re kidding me, right? Slow down. I wrote some of these, and they’re the ones you’re laughing at.”
#GoldenGlobes2024
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Oh cool this kid dressed as “Trump voter who lost their health care”
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Dude beside me on this plane just tried to get me, in an aisle seat, to swap with his wife, who is in a middle seat. Wife guys really must be stopped
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This is the only way Canadians can process any type of information
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Thanksgiving and Christmas should be six months apart. Absurd to see those people again so soon. Insane.
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I feel like they heard people say it was boring that all the animals looked real in The Lion King and, uh, overcorrected
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When I hit a 5-article limit on a news site that just means I am done knowing things for the month
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Pro-AR-15 people: be honest. Aren't you fucking EXHAUSTED by now? I've never had to defend something so often, for so long, in the face of such clear evidence that it's bad. And I listen to Dave Matthews Band.
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This sounds like something an old Southern lawyer exclaims when startled
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I like that every time I fly, airport security changes something, doesn’t tell you, and also treats you like an idiot for not already knowing about it. Like, “Sir. Sir! One shoe goes on your head, sir. Laptop open to Simpsons porn. I don’t wanna have to tell you again.”
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Hey — quick questch for people who put their seats back on planes: what, psychologically, is wrong with you
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This is literally the first thing that’s ever made me consider becoming a parent
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Glad that Tony “My family is the ‘G’ in MGM” Goldwyn is on the picket line but couldn’t he also just like, call his relatives
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Insane power move to make him read this much
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It really feels like Hunter and Don Jr. are locked in an intense battle of who can look the most divorced
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Deciding between a one-line joke review or a several-paragraph sincere review on Letterboxd
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Imagine getting a second chance to make your show and all you have to do is not compare black people to apes on social media and you can't fucking do it
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.
@RichardBSpencer
how does it feel to be losing to America's blackest gayest city you nazi piece of fucking garbage
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Not to play devil's advocate here but it must have been pretty scary for all of these white dudes to be suddenly confronted with rhythm
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Cut people out of your life who aren’t enjoying the Don’t Worry Darling stuff. Huge red flag. It’s objectively funny and the fact that the movie is not good is the ultimate punchline
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The president has gotten away with a lot of stuff but I truly believe he will regret starting shit with Chrissy Teigen on twitter
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You’re referencing a book where a spoiled child learns what an asshole they are
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God: I’m bored. What if Watergate and the Lewinsky scandal were happening at the same time but — get this — this time, everyone’s dumb as shit
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Getting a “Sorry, I’m running late” text while you are also running late is better than xanax
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Imagine having to wake up at the break of dawn to go watch your boss show off his fuckin kid
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The Stranger Things kids in Season 4 all look like they are straight-up on their second marriage
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I love that Donald Trump has like, 3 loser friends and he just keeps giving them jobs. He's like the Adam Sandler of presidents.
JUST IN: President Trump's personal lawyer Jay Sekulow has announced that Rudy Giuliani is joining the President's personal legal team
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If this is true, this thing has got to go down in history as having one of the worst trailers ever made
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Hey Disney, you know who said worse things than James Gunn? Walt Disney.
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Every news story about Andy Cohen the past two weeks has just been like “This guy is a good hang”
Leah McSweeney's lawyer reveals in court documents that Andy Cohen sometimes smokes cigarettes when drunk.
#RHONY
(Source: Us Weekly).
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Hi, take it from a guy who’s battled an eating disorder: this is an eating disorder! It is not some cool new idea for tech geniuses. It’s a way to starve your body that hurts your brain. Anyway, he’s in charge of this place that we all hang out constantly. Makes sense
Twitter CEO Jack Dorsey only eats 7 meals per week, which is more than he used to
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I like watching an actor spend their entire career doing American accents and the second they win award it’s like “FANK YOU AND FANK ‘VYONE ‘HO ‘ELPED ME”
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Gal Gadot: So how did that video do yesterday? Did it bring everybody together?
Assistant: In a way
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TRUMP: I won in a landslide
ALSO TRUMP: Millions of people voted illegally
SOMEHOW ALSO TRUMP: Please don't check tho
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I kinda love Pedialyte's recent advertising pivot from "We Keep Sick Babies Alive" to "Nurse Your Hangover, You Adult Drunk Maniac"
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He looks like if a lost and found box could blow a .08
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