bob saget
@bobsaget
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I like long walks on the beach...and then to be dragged through the sand by an off-road vehicle, and then hurled off a catapult.
BobSaget.com
Joined May 2009
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Loving beyond words being on tour —And doing an all new show of standup and music. Hope to see you out there. More dates being added continually as we go further into 2022... For tickets, go to:
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I need every bad bitch up in Equinox. I need to know right now if you're a freak or not.
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Loved tonight’s show
@PV_ConcertHall
in Jacksonville. Appreciative audience. Thanks again to
@RealTimWilkins
for opening. I had no idea I did a 2 hr set tonight. I’m happily addicted again to this shit. Check for my dates in 2022.
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Oh. My. God. I spend my day cleaning and vacuuming and sanitizing everything in the house. I have become Danny Tanner.
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Devastated. Met Norm in Ottawa when he was in my audience at 17 years old. Been close for decades. We have lost a comedic genius. No other voice in comedy has been as uniquely prolific, brazen, dark, hilarious, and heartfelt. Love you forever, Norm.
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Last night’s debate upset me more than when Stephanie drove a car into the kitchen.
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Should I run for President too? I don’t much about anything...
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I Got Broads In Atlanta
Twisting Dope, Lean, And The Fanta
Credit Cards And The Scammers
Hitting The Licks In The Bando.
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I think Philadelphia has the best potholes in the United States.
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So sad is the passing of Alan Thicke. Such a good husband, father, brother, and friend. He will be deeply missed. Rest in peace dear Alan.
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It goes down in the DM (it go down) It go down in the DM (it go down, it go... down)
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Jumpman, jumpman, jumpman, them boys up to something
Uh-uh, uh, I think I need some Robitussin.
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If my birthday card is not delivered to me on my actual birthday, I refuse to accept it —as it is thereby a fraudulent birthday card.
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Apologies to all the people I’ve blocked over the years. Just can only let positive stuff in. If I could block myself I would. And sending
@carseatheadrest
my very best.
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His heart was as big as his genius. So sad. Rest in Peace Robin Williams.
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So sad about the loss of George Segal. I grew up loving his films, from “Where’s Poppa?” to Sidney Lumet’s “Bye Bye Braverman,” to “The Hot Rock.” I got to work with him several times. This was last year at lunch. My deep sympathies to his family and friends.
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Thinking about Robin Williams today as a lot of us are. I always wonder why we have to lose so many good people too soon and other crawdads are walkin’ around pooping up the world. Maybe one day it’ll make sense.
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I’ve lost two sisters, so on this Sunday night I’m just saying if you’re lucky enough to have siblings you love, let them know, and spend as much time with them as you can.
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No more parties in L.A. Please, baby, no more parties in L.A., uh.
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Oh, it's just me, myself and I
Solo ride until I die
Cause I got me for life
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Great time yesterday reunion'ing with
@JohnStamos
@DaveCoulier
@candacecbure
@JodieTweetin
@andreabarber
@ScottWeinger
http://t.co/ujXXfOt7
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It's so cold in Ohio my nipple broke off and it's in my sock.
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Fergie’s rendition of the National Anthem was originally written by Francis Scott Out of Key.
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Married to the money, introduced her to my stove.
Showed her how to whip it, now she remixin' for low.
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You don't want no problems, want no problems with me
You don't want no problems, want no problems with me
Yep, yep!
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Came up, that's all me
Stayed true, that's all me
No help, that's all me
All me for real.
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FREE BRITNEY!!! Oh, sorry whenever there’s quiet I just yell that out.
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The only thing I hate is hate. Oh, and ignorance, and bigotry, and I'm not crazy about kale.
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This pic was obvi pre-show but holy crap I loved that amazing audience tonight at the Hard Rock Live Orlando
@hardrockorlando
!! A perfect first show of 2022!! That was the fastest Hour & 45 minutes ever. Thanks everyone in Orlando and beyond who were there.
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I woke up this morning with a big smile on my face. But you couldn’t see it ‘cause my wife was sitting on it.
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Thanks to
@jimmyfallon
@JohnStamos
@DaveCoulier
this flashback became a scary yet heartwarming reality.
#bromance
http://t.co/xP333qRp4n
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Special New EP Today with my friend
@bjnovak
— Loved talking with B.J. so much about The Office, his movie roles,
@ThePremise
-his show I love on FX on Hulu, and more- He’s so dammed funny and talented.
@allthingscomedy
@ApplePodcasts
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Never thought I’d say this or think it.... I wish I could be Danny Tanner ‘til the end of 2020 to just hug all the people suffering— and tell them it’s going to be okay. Of course while synthesizer music plays under my empathetic words.
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Dear powerful fans,
@FullerHouse
is picked up for a 2nd season! Get lots of rest before the next bingefest!
@Netflix
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Ralphie May. Dammit. You were a funny and sweet mofo man. Rest In Peace.
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I just had a COVID test and I’m wondering if the doctor was legit. They’re supposed to put the swab in your butt and then put it in your mouth to see if you have a sense of taste, right?
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If the Beatles released “All You Need Is Love” today, sadly, so many would say F U. But it’s true. And it’s missing. And it’s not able to be in the Zeitgeist. All you really need is love. I know, F me.
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When I go to a restaurant and my server says "enjoy guys." Does he mean enjoy "guys?" Because I will if the waiters are hot enough.
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I heard once that guy Jared lost 80 pounds really quick. A 12-year-old got out of his car.
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You belong among the wildflowers
You belong in a boat out at sea
Sail away, drift off the hours
You belong somewhere you feel free
~Tom Petty
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Fred Willard. The dear hilarious kind man we just lost. Here am I with he and Martin Mull while shooting a documentary about Martin. Seeing them having fun together reminiscent of the Fernwood days was truly a joy. Rest In Peace dear Fred.
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Sometimes I still wonder...
What ever happened to predictability?
The milk man, the paper boy, the evening TV?
How did I get delivered here? Somebody tell me please
This old world's confusing me.
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I'm so fancy, you already know
I'm in the fast lane, from L.A. to Tokyo
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Weird? I went online the other night to make sure I was registered to vote. They had no record of me in the system. I called and reregistered. I suggest you all go online in your respective states and MAKE SURE you are still registered to vote. 🤔
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Wishing you all a good Sunday. That’s it. Just tweeting something positive some people may rip apart ‘cause that’s what they do. But what the hell…Wishing you all a good Sunday.
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Haven’t been to therapy in weeks but I figured something out all by myself – – I get moody when I don’t get no booty.
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Yeah (yeah!) yeah (yeah!) yeah, yeah!
Yeah (yeah!) yeah (yeah!) yeah, yeah!
~ Usher and Lil Jon
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Might have to go to urgent care. I got my penis caught in my wife’s face mask this morning. 😷😳
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Shooting
@fullerhouse
@netflix
tonight and loving being directed by my TV daughter
@candacecbure
- DJ is finally the boss of Danny T. ❤️
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My friend, my dad, the funniest biggest hearted of them all. A beautiful husband and father. My heart is broken. Rest In Peace. Don Rickles.
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I'd like to make the first toast to
@FullerHouse
on
@Netflix
now being seen around the world.
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My penis has never told me his political party, but he’s always seemed to lean to the left.
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My Anaconda don't...
My Anaconda don't...
My Anaconda don't want none unless you got buns hun.
~ Nicki Minaj
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Just a small suggestion – Something that seems to be working for me through all this… Perhaps take in a little less news and listen to a little more music.
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The size of your penis is not important. The size of MY penis is extremely important.
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I just figured out after thirty years why Full House was so popular. It had a lot of love in it. And still does with Fuller House. And man, as Burt Bacharach and Hal David said, “What the world needs now is love sweet love...”
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I miss my mom, especially today. She was a good woman, a loving wife, a caring mother, and a fantastic defroster and microwaver. Happy Mother’s Day everyone.
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I don’t know why everyone has to be so angry. I meet lots of people and so many of them just want to live in peace with everyone.
Peace out. ✌️
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Trump Tax returns: “Hookers are tax deductible.”
Me: (Calling accountant)
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I got broads in Atlanta
Twistin' dope, lean, and the Fanta
Credit cards and the scammers
Hittin' off licks in the bando
~ Desiigner
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Keep your friends close… And there is no better friend than
@JohnStamos
- Happiest of Birthdays my inspiring extraordinary brother.
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I truly believe in my heart of hearts, that we should tweet other people the way we’d like to be tweeted.
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A very happy birthday to my brother
@JohnStamos
- Here's to many more happy years in bed together. Oh, btw, it's Bob
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We are in danger of destroying ourselves by our greed and stupidity. We cannot remain looking inwards at ourselves on a small and increasingly polluted and overcrowded planet.
~ Stephen Hawking
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Every day I'm hustlin'
Every day I'm hustlin'
Every day I'm hustlin'
Every day I'm hustlin'
Every day I'm hustlin'
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I'm never gonna dance again
Guilty feet have got no rhythm
Though it's easy to pretend
I know you're not a fool
~ George Michael
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What does it mean if instead of hearing “Laurel” or “Yanny” all you hear is the word “penis?”
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Next year on Cinco de Mayo, taco bowls will still be available. But you may have to have someone slide them under the wall from Mexico.
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I got a new vacuum cleaner today and I’m excited. Wtf has happened to me?
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A long time ago... In a Sitcom Far Far Away... Took a lot of therapy for me to post this. Merry Christmas everybody.
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Best fake middle daughter I've ever had. I love you
@JodieTweetin
.
http://t.co/YCrkSyjdnX
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One of the biggest challenges in life is to have a positive outlook when you're going through difficult times. Here's to staying positive.
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