British-Teeth Beto
@BetoShredding
Followers
1,486
Following
1,679
Media
2,255
Statuses
2,955
Orale, muchachos... Looks like I'll be sitting this one out. But much like Herpes or Covid, you'll never completely get rid of me.
El Paso, TX
Joined August 2018
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
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Pinned Tweet
"Beto O'Rourke. Rush chairman. Damn glad to meet ya."
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Somebody just told me that Jimbo Fisher is the Beto O'Rourke of college football.
Millions and millions of dollars spent, support of cult-like followers, lots of media hype... but just can't get the job done.
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Hypothetical question here...
If "someone" were to campaign on women's rights and anti-police brutality issues, but then this "someone" violated
@SaraGonzalesTX
's civil rights and used police to brutalize her, would this "someone" be a hypocritical scumbag?
Asking for a friend.
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And if anyone from the FEC, Project Veritas, or that damn
@JamesOKeefeIII
questions you about how you paid the bill, DO NOT, I repeat, DO NOT tell them that I gave you the Visa gift cards. Comprende?
Now everyone enjoy Taco Tuesday!!!
#SeventyMillionBuysLotsOfTacos
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Out on the campaign trail, doing some carpool karaoke with one of my volunteers. Mi Vida Loca, putas!
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Not to be outdone by Elizabeth Warren, I too will be releasing the results of my DNA testing. While 99.999% of my DNA is Western European, my family's housekeeper who raised me (up until my parents shipped me off to boarding school) was 100% Mexican.
#VivaBeto
#BetoBandito
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White van - $30k
Anti-Beto decals - $100
Suspicious packages - $250
Wingnut fall guy - $25 bag of weed
A completely fabricated "act of domestic terrorism" that the press will blame on Ted's rhetoric and hopefully turn my failed campaign around - PRICELESS!
#SaulAlinskiRules
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So
@GoldmanCraig
'a lil buddy, Eric Fox, who is the head lobbyist for
@LockheedMartin
, is breaking the law to keep voters from knowing the truth about Craig's RINO voting record?
I wonder how the
@TarrantCountyDA
's office and
@KenPaxtonTX
feel about that? Not to mention, his…
The Tarrant County Grassroots group printed signs that said “Voted to Impeach Ken Paxton” and placed them next to Craig Goldman signs (who voted to impeach Paxton).
The signs were stolen earlier today.
According to a report, a Constable witnessed the theft of the sign at a…
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Hey,
@TaylerUSA
, why don't you ask
@SaraGonzalesTX
what happens when you interrupt one of my commie indoctrination speeches with actual questions and issues to clarify? You catch these manos, ese!
I'm here to spew propaganda and kick ass, and I'm about out of propaganda, bubba.
Today I confronted
@BetoORourke
at a rally in Dallas—
I asked him if he would “Disavow surgery for trans kids”.
In response, I was choked by his supporters and thrown to the ground. They pulled me backwards over someone in a wheel chair.
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Told the wife and the kids to pack our stuff; we're moving to Minnesota.
If those dumbasses will vote for Keith Ellison, Ilhan Omar, Al Franken and Jesse Ventura, surely I can get elected up there...
#MinnesotaMexican
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When you have Uncle George Soros and Judge Clay Jenkins on your side, you can do whatever you want in Dallas. Including roughing up
@SaraGonzalesTX
of
@BlazeTV
To paraphrase the great Johnny Castle from Roadhouse - Nobody puts Beto in a corner.
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The wind really does a lot of damage to those "Voted to Impeach
@KenPaxtonTX
" signs, doesnt it,
@StephanieKlick
?
It's almost as if Mother Nature herself wants to hide your voting record from your constituents too...
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I'm honestly not too concerned about
@SaraGonzalesTX
suing me. My campaign staff started a GoFundMe page and the donations for my legal defense have been rolling it!
Gonna hire my buddy DeppDogg's lawyer, Camille Vasquez. She's the LatinX version of Johnny Cochran!
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Soros cleaned out my bank account, Willie won't answer my calls, Lebron threw my hat away and I think Ellen blocked me on Twitter...
Today is gonna suck.
#BeatenBeto
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Wait... You mean these are gonna be DEBATES??? Like... real, actual debates? Not "Beers With Beto" speeches where I cuss, talk about free stuff and try to look cool?
Pffffft... No way, Jose. I'm outta here, pendejos.
#NoDeBeto
#ButVoteForMeAnyway
#CultOfPersonality
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My friend Jussie needed a job, and my friend Anthony needed a job. Since I'm unemployed too, I suggested that the three of us go into business together!
"Smollett-Weiner Massage" was not quite what I had in mind. Thanks a lot, Robert Kraft.
#RubAndTug
#HappyEnding
#NoBueno
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Karl Marx wrote books about HIS political theories.
He speaks Spanish, with an Irish accent.
He never travels with a passport, because he believes in open borders.
He once got pulled over for DWI, and the cop got a ticket.
He is... The most obnoxious socialist in the world.
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A Hall of Fame NFL career, success as a pre-game analyst, two gigs as a morning talk show host, and now delivering the Democratic response to the SOTU. That Michael Strahan is a real workhorse!!!
#wagon
#HopeSheDoesntRunForPOTUS
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When
@DLoesch
asked
@GoldmanCraig
why he voted AGAINST an amendment to defund gender transition procedures for children, Craig had a wise and well-crafted response:
"I don't recall.... I... don't recall."
I think the voters in CD-12 will recall when they elect
@oshea4texas
.
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Dear Ted,
My car broke down on the way to Dallas and it looks like I won't be able to make it to the debate on Friday. Let's re-schedule it for November 7th. I promise I'll be there for that one.
Sorry for the inconvenience.
Beto
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Note to self: Start referring to myself in the third-person. Apparently, it's what bigtime DC powerbrokers do.
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Extremely honored to be nominated along side Freshman Congresswoman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and 2015 Triple Crown winner American Pharaoh. Both legends.
No matter who brings home the "SXSW - Mr. Ed Award for Excellence in Dentistry," we all have horse-teeth to be proud of!
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The celebrity endorsements just keep rolling in! Proud to announce that Alec Baldwin is a full-fledged Betomaniac! Welcome to
#TeamBeto
Full disclosure: I always thought I'd be visiting Hilldawg in jail, not Alec. Also, I wonder if his cellmates like his Trump impression?
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Rockin' a massive neck goiter was a weird flex, but it worked for Fetterman... And who am I to argue with success?
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Despite spending $70 million bucks on a cult of personality campaign, Texans still aren't buying into my leftist agenda. Even the liberal MSM says Betomania is fading away like fart in the wind.
And to add insult to injury, my turncoat squirrel has jumped off the bandwagon too.
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I don't get why so many El Paso people have issues with me? They act like I stole an entire barrio from impoverished residents, small businesses and even a group of Jesuit priests ministering to immigrants at Catholic churches.
Errrr, wait...
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I may have stolen an entire neighborhood from my constituents in El Paso and support government funded abortion on demand, but I saved this squirrel's life.
I'm Beto O'Rourke, and wanna be your Senator.
#PetaBeto
#BetoTheMerciful
#TeamBeto
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I'm proud to announce that the "TeamBeto Grassroots Volunteer of the Week" award goes to... *drumroll* This Guy!!!
#TeamBeto
#BlueWave
#WardrobeGameOnFleek
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Auntie Fred and I went shopping for a new debate outfit today. I'll probably get my ass kicked again on Tuesday, but I'm going to look magnificent doing it!
#ManDime
#NoDeBeto
#TourettesTalker
#CowboyKennedy
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Dangit, Chelsea... Nobody wants to see your squirrel.
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$70 million + just don't go as far as it used to...
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Really jealous that I wasn't invited to the costume party at the French Ambassador's house. Looks like it was a real banger!
These two dudes tied for 1st Place in the "Best Costume" contest.
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Has Uncle Joe lost his mind? Trying to cop a feel off Michael Strahan can't be a good idea. The dude's a 7-time NFL Pro Bowl pick and Hall of Fame inductee... He'll stomp a mudhole in Joe's old ass!
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Okay... Which one of you A-Holes thought it'd be funny to put an "Intro to Economics" book in my mailbox?
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Didn't get the turnout we had hoped for, or that friggin Avenatti promised at his protest rally. I should have known not to hitch my wagon to a yankee jackass... I sure hope the Hondurans get here soon.
#MakeElPasoGreatAgain
#aveNOTti
#TwoImmigrants
a
#CrazyHippie
and
#MySquirrel
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"I know... They all look alike." - Hillary Clinton
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I said I'm not interested in an endorsement from Obama... but the truth is... I'm actually kinda concerned. Maybe concerned isn't the right word? More like devistated. Yeah, devistated.
If I can't even get a thumbs up from Obama, maybe Ted is right; I AM wrong for Texas?
#FML
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Pics from the Spartan Beast race in Tijuana last week.
Getting some exercise and introducing myself to these future Democrat voters! Get ready 2020... I'm back!!!
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I always wondered how I got accepted at Columbia University, and why my parents made me tell everyone I was going there to row crew.
I was a wanna-be punk rocker from El Paso; I didnt even know what rowing crew was... Makes perfect sense now!
#RowBetoRow
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When I ran for the Senate, people referred to me as a modern-day Jack Kennedy.
After the Reuters report that exposed my story about killing children, those people now refer to me as a modern-day Jack Torrance.
#RedrumBeto
#PsychedelicWarlord
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So 277,000 people without ID just registered to vote in Texas? Gee, I wonder where they came from and how they managed to do that? You have any idea,
@GoldmanCraig
?
Texas needs a Congressman like
@oshea4texas
who puts Americans first and cares about election integrity, not…
386,422 new voters registered without a photo ID in a single week (03/16/2024).
277,077 of the new voters are in Texas.
What's the innocent explanation?
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I'm Hispanic, Elizabeth Warren is Native American, Cory Booker has a girlfriend, Kamala Harris is not a whore, and these guys are
#MAGA
rednecks.
#ibelievejussie
#ibelieveanything
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Hey, Alexa... How do you launder foreign campaign contributions? Asking for a friend.
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Speaking at a town hall, promising voters that I won't sell them out for my own profit like I did when I was an El Paso city councilman.
#HonestyIsTheBestPolicy
#WhatTheyDontKnowWontHurtThem
#BlueWave
#VoteBeto
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I though Jill was trying to hit on me in a creepy old lady way when she referred to me as "a snack."
Little did I know she actually thinks my LatinX brethren and I look like tacos from the boda-gahhh.
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My campaign is tanking! According to the latest polls, I trail Biden by 33% and Bernie by 15%. But there's a silver lining in every dark cloud!
I have a 3% lead on Roger Goodell, Harambe, Nickleback, Chewbacca Mom and Manti Teo's girlfriend.
The epic comeback starts now!
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@TaylerUSA
Ask
@SaraGonzalesTX
what happens when you try to ambush me with actual questions and issues during one of my Betophiles brainwashing sessions... You get Gonzales'd!
I'm here to spew ridiculous progressive platitudes and kick ass, and I'm about out of platitudes, bubba.
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Less than a week left and and I'm still way behind in all of the polls. I guess $70.2 million doesn't go as far as it used to...
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Does anyone know if they allow conjugal visits at Gitmo?
Asking for a friend...
#Treason
#Sedition
#GonnaBeSomebodysBitch
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I stand in solidarity with the painted fingernail kid and his weirdo daddy.
I too painted my nails as a kid, which led to wearing a dress and being a punk rocker, which led to DWI and B&E charges, which ultimately led to becoming a liberal Democrat politician and fake Mexican!
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Apparently, election integrity isn't a concern of RINO
@GoldmanCraig
.
Craig refused to vote in favor of HB 1299, requiring that the signature on all mail-in ballots be handwritten in ink, not electronic or photocopied.
Does this sound like a conservative fighter to you, or an…
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The National Butthurt Service has issued a Severe Redass Warning for the entire Blue Wave movement.
News reports indicate a massive storm of triggered snowflakes will protest, scream and be irrationally outraged. Conservatives should shelter in place and watch the meltdown.
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Shout out to the editors at Vanity Fair for touching up my cover photo. Didn't realize that the barn door was open!
#WangsOutForBeto
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Have any of you guys seen my ass? Ted handed it to me on stage, but I left it on the podium with my white privilege and now it's gone...
#LostDeBeto
#ThatWasAmistake
#AndTheresTwoMore
?
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"Beers With Beto" might not have been such a good idea. Better get outta here. After my last youthful indiscretion and bad decision, Daddy's really gonna be pissed this time...
#VoteBeto
#RunFrancisRun
#BlueWave
#BorrachoBeto
#MyDadsAjudge
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Honduran carvans are a lot cheaper to finance than Texas elections...
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Feeling cute, looking for some kids to run over with my car, might delete later.
#RunBetoRun
#RidinDirty
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Wore my chanklas to the barber shop to get my hair cut. Might go get a neck tattoo later, I dunno...
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I DEMAND that Gov. Abbott, Dan Patrick and Senator Cruz take immediate action to protect our ninos. Too many innocent children have died; it's time to pass legislation that outlaws school shootings. In fact, let's outlaw ALL shootings. We need sensible murder regulations NOW.
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Getting some sage advice from Alexandria on how to answer questions without actually giving an answer. With her help, I'll soon be giving word salad responses like a pro!.
#TheComebackStartsHere
#BlueWave
#SocialistsHelpingSocialists
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Rolled on up thru the hood in Dallas on Friday. Pandered to African-American voters by inserting myself into the Botham Jean tragedy and criticizing police. Had to let these peeps in the ghetto know that BetoBate is a woke brutha.
#DoinWork
#ItsHardOutHereForApimp
#VoteBetoBate
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Doing a little late-night "campaigning" and cleaning up some litter. That pinche Ted's signs keep popping up in my neighbors' yards. Every time I take one down, two more appear...
#BurglarBeto
#BlueWave
#VoteBeto
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Thankful that the Dallas 1776 Bridge Brigade have turned their attention toward Judge Clay Jenkins and away from me.
I was getting tired of being known as the Central Expressway Pendejo.
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Baked af. Trying to explain to Willie that the Green New Deal has nothing to do with marijuana legalization. Headed to Taco Bell shortly.
#RunForTheBorder
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Passing out bottled water to these constituents as they head for the
#TeamBeto
Voter Registration Rally! My base is energized and hydrated!
#BlueWave
#DreamersForBeto
#ElGueroCoyote
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@jack
@Twitter
@TwitterSafety
This conservative voice was targeted by a liberal
#resistance
group, resulting in an indefinite suspension for targeted harassment. She did absolutely nothing to warrant suspension. Does due process not exist on Twitter?
#Free210GOPTEJANA
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Liberals sent Sen. Susan Collins 3,000 coat hangers, referencing back-alley abortions in protest of Kavanaugh. Cruz supporters sent 3,000 chanklas to me, referencing cultural appropriation in protest of my fake Latino heritage. Well played, Republicans. Well played...
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Those photogs from Vanity Fair take pictures of EVERYTHING.
#BorrachoBeto
#ShouldHaveRunBetoRun
#BeersWithBeto
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Picture from my college yearbook when I was the Captain of the rowing team at Columbia University. I've always been a leader... and a pretend Mexican.
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The company you keep says a lot about who you are.
The LAST thing CD-12 needs is a RINO establishment shill like
@GoldmanCraig
who sold out to special interests and works with the liberal left to turn Texas blue.
We need a true, America First, conservative patriot representing…
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Eating migas with Tio Jorge and asking him to un-ass some more cash. The bar tab from "Beers with Beto" is getting out of control. Plus, the pendejos at the call center won't send any more texts until they get a check. Funding the
#BlueWave
ain't cheap!
#AmexBlack
#VoteBeto
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Gee, I wonder why these signs went missing? Could it be that
@GoldmanCraig
doesn't want you to realize that he's a left-leaning, uniparty RINO?
CD-12 needs a true, America first conservative. Send
#CrookedCraig
packing and elect for
@oshea4texas
to represent YOU in Congress.
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Jim Carrey and I met for an in-depth discussion regarding the decriminalization of marijuana and potential sales tax revenues from legalized recreational use. Hotboxed my parents' basement in the process.
#BakedBeto
#YoQuieroTacoBell
#VoteBeto
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Some things are a lot more important than politics, and this is one of them.
This lady needs our help. Please donate...
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A helluva lot more important than politics. Please share.
Amber Alert issued for 8-year-old girl Salem Sabatka, kidnapped in Fort Worth via
@wfaa
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Childhood pictures from a photo album of
@POTUS
when he was "sort of raised in the Puerto Rican community, back home..." in Deleware.
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This little guy showed up at Team Beto HQ today and started ordering everyone around like a James Carville starter-kit. Tried to offer him a bong rip so he'd chill out, but it didn't work. Teen angst = Level 100.
#Millennials
#RemindsMeOfMe
#Entitled
#Opportunist
#BlueWave
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Weird flex
@leachfortexas
, but you do you...
Great to be on the ground in HD91 campaigning for my conservative colleague, classmate and friend
@StephanieKlick
along with
@MattShaheen
@ShelbySlawson
@VoteGiovanni
&
@JackieLSchlegel
. Tons of support here for Stephanie, the only candidate in this race with a proven…
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Fundraiser at 'Lil Joe's casita on Chappaquiddick. Super tense. Bill keeps calling Hilldawg "Mary Jo" and asking her to go for a drive. Also watched Mikey Moore eat an entire jar of mayonnaise on a dare. Beers with Beto = next level.
#BlueWave
#VoteBeto
#StayThirstyMyFriends
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It's disappointing that I didn't get the thumbs up endorsement from Obama. But as a consolation prize, I did get two thumbs up from everyone's favorite attorney, Michael Avenatti.
Not sure where his thumbs have been though...
#CreepyPornLaywersForBeto
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So... Our "GOP leaders" in Austin, i.e. Speaker
@DadePhelan
and Republican Caucus Chair
@GoldmanCraig
, pressured Republican house members to kill conservative bills if the Democrats didn't agree with them?
Geez. If Goldman was honest and not a turncoat uniparty snake, he'd…
Asked about specific GOP bills that died under Phelan's speakership, Oliverson cited various "voter integrity" measures. He said House GOP members were "under this sort of strict instruction that you have to work with the Democrats and they have to be OK with the bill."
#txlege
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Okay... which one of you assholes snuck into my hotel room, stole all of my clothes, and left only this outfit for me to wear?
I should have never left El Paso.
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Bill couldn't wait to call and tell me about Hilldawg losing her security clearance! Haven't heard him laugh this hard since election night!
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Little Lord Fauntleroy
@GoldmanCraig
's career in the
#txlege
was bought and paid for by his benefactors, Dick Weekly / Texas Lawsuit Reform.
Now, her highness
@RepKayGranger
has named Craig as the heir to her royal throne in Congress.
Well guess what? CD-12 is not for sale to…
Hubris: The Texas Kingmakers
They have been called the state’s kingmakers. They are the biggest political force in Texas. Yet, most Texans have no idea who they are, what they want, or even that they exist.
They protect the practice of giving committee chairmanships to…
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