Anyway. Luna (massive bear dog) is passed out on the couch, sleeping away. Finally relaxed enough to not be attached at my hip. Let’s see how tomorrow goes 🤞🏻.

So I did a search online and TURNS OUT it’s super common to have post-adoption anxiety/depression! Sometimes the internet isn’t a horrible dumpster of negativity and actually helps.

Adopted a dog today and I have started feeling a TON of anxiety. Did I make a mistake? Will this affect my son negatively? Will he not be happy anymore? Will this massive bear dog ever walk good on a leash?

Why does Grey’s Anatomy feel like a soap opera now? Short scenes, dramatic pauses, mediocre writing.

I’ve had some wine so I’m going to live tweet my viewing of the new Grey’s Anatomy episode tonight because no one cares and I do what I want.

Why is it snowing? Why isn’t there any toilet paper? Why can’t I lose weight while eating 5 bags of sour gummy worms? #todaysquestions

I’m not afraid of COVID-19. What I am afraid of is the idiotic people who don’t think for themselves and believe everything media tells them. Stop buying all the groceries and toilet paper and baby wipes (ESPECIALLY IF YOU DONT HAVE F*CKING KIDS).

Feeling miserable. Might get black out drunk later, idk.

Guess they're gonna make us pull forward and wait.

My husband texted me while I was grocery shopping, “Also, find a new attitude on aisle 37” and I have never hated/loved a person more.

Instead of asking my husband to do something, I just casually mention 300 times that it needs to be done and hope he picks up what I’m laying down. And so far, this strategy has been wildly unsuccessful.

What base is it when you stop giving each other Christmas gifts and instead buy a home appliance and call it “our gift to ourselves”?

You are never too old to reinvent yourself. Don’t stop dreaming.

If anyone is expecting a Christmas gift from me this year, know that I am following Deadpool’s example and all gifts shall be a crisp high five 🖐🏻 #brokeasf

My face EVERYTIME I watch the first Iron Man and Pepper Potts delivers that sick burn:

Questions I ask, out loud, everyday: “Did you poop? Why did you poop AGAIN?” “What is in your mouth?” “What did you just eat? Hopefully it wasn’t anything bad 🤷🏻‍♀️” “Want up? *picks him up* Oh you want down? *puts him down* Up again? 🙄” #lifewithaoneyearold

The kid and I are both sick now so basically that means my level of parenting has finally reached the IDGAF stage. You want potato chips and juice for breakfast? You got it kid. #parentingfail #imsotired #sendhelp

Walking to the kitchen in the dark when you have a one year old is like walking in minefield; you never know if your next step is your last step. Except instead of land mines, I’m dodging toys that sing/talk so loud that even my yells of STFU don’t drown them out

It’s 1am and I made a Twitter account. How do YOU think my life is going? #getreadyforallthebabytweets