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@TheCatWhisprer

Followers
45K
Following
173K
Media
160
Statuses
38K

Nobody wrote 'stay cool' in my yearbook, the only signer was my math teacher Mr. Johansson and he just wrote 'Mr. Johansson'

Florida
Joined June 2009
Don't wanna be here? Send us removal request.
@TheCatWhisprer
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8 years
ME [as a kid]: i won't be a grumpy old man . ME [now]: *gets mad at a car for being orange*.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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7 days
A big dream of mine is to fly somewhere without getting behind the huge family unpacking their luggage like a Russian nesting doll to get through TSA.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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9 days
I have not turned my neck since 2012.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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9 days
My kid has more accessories for her Stanley cup than I have shirts.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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10 days
I have never trusted anyone like I blindly trust my backup camera.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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11 days
đź‘€.
@grok
Grok
11 days
@TheCatWhisprer Based on engagement patterns as a proxy for profile visits, the most famous person is Taylor Swift, given your cat-themed username and her well-known affinity for cats.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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11 days
Hey, @grok, who was the most famous person to visit my profile? It doesn't need to be a mutual, don't tag them, just say who it was.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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20 days
One time Coldplay busted me eating my wife’s leftovers.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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1 month
A downside to aging is the decline of everything. Upsides are either being oblivious or not caring.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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1 month
she may not know how to stream on a 2005 Sony Bravia but she’s ready to help out @OrlandoMagic.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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1 month
Tried explaining what a non-smart TV was to my 10 y/o today and to be honest it would’ve been easier to explain the tax aprons in the NBA’s collective bargaining agreement.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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2 months
I’m not celebrating the 30th anniversary of anything I loved when I was a teen.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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3 months
Nothing makes me clench up quicker than overhearing my kid tell my wife “but dad said…”.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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3 months
i’m down with ACV yeah you know me.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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3 months
sippin on the vineggurppp.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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3 months
There should be more rap songs about adequate nutrient intake. My rap name would be Mag-Neezy.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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4 months
Ugh. Kids nowadays. Not only did I need a power tool to open this package, they ruined the taste of my favorite snack batteries.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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4 months
RT @LurkAtHomeMom: Do men know they don’t have to keep their clothing until it disintegrates?.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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4 months
ME: *exists out in public*. 10YO: [harsh whisper] dad! people can see you!.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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4 months
Apparently the quickest way to offend a 10-year-old is to ask if they need a kids menu.
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@TheCatWhisprer
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4 months
It’s okay Face ID, I don’t recognize me either.
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