Anna Kendrick
@AnnaKendrick47
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311
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259
Statuses
2,493
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![re-BORN Agency[☆]](https://pbs.twimg.com/profile_images/421920852775411713/hemi_WSo.jpeg)
I guess I’ll never be able to lie to myself again about all the shit I would do if I just had the time.
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Oh God. I just realized I'm stuck with me my whole life.
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Sweatpants without pockets, you can fuck all the way off.
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I told BTS that their fans are very passionate and when they saw I’d be sitting with them, they told me to look out for them. So if they need a snack or whatever, I’m on it. 👍🏻
#GRAMMYs
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Dear Yahoo: how do I get to this timeline where I've slept with Enrique Iqlesias please and thank you.
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My online shopping style:
Put everything I like in the cart.
Edit.
Edit more.
Edit until I’m down to one item.
Decide it’s not even worth typing out my credit card info.
Watch free porn.
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Well. I was literally about to eat a raspberry, it was centimeters from my mouth, and noticed a very small SPIDER on it and now I’ll never eat a raspberry again, or fruit, or food. So I guess this is goodbye.
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Ghosting: because I’d rather look like an asshole than let you slowly find out that I suck.
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I didn’t text you back because I couldn’t find the right gif.
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Carrie Fisher wore glitter in her hair. When I said I liked it, she ran her fingers through it and lobbed a handful at me.
#TheGreatest
💔
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When girls walk through a grocery store produce section in a summertime outfit
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"I don't know, sometimes I just wish there was a room you could sit in that made breathing harder."
- inventor of the sauna
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I realize the confusion probably came from the two Anna K names, but she's a tall blonde athlete and I'm - oh, oh - do they think I'm the baby?
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My favorite thing about the
#Cats
trailer is that it didn’t awaken anything (new) in me, sexually. So. Phew.
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When I put in a new tampon and five minutes later think, "but did I take out my old tampon?"
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I don’t know enough to speak on a lot of this, but I know angsty suburban white boys. If you want to break shit to live out your teenage anarchist fantasy, do it on your own time. If you think you’re doing that shit to show how MUCH u care about black lives, ur deluding yourself.
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No. No. Fuck this shit. Carrie Fisher is a fucking legend and this is bullshit.
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I've still never seen a fidget spinner in person. So I guess I've made all the correct life choices?
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"Locker room banter" implies "C'mon, this is how men talk about women." Like it's to be expected. That's the grossest part of all.
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when I see someone going about their life without crippling self-doubt
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I'm gonna miss the eclipse and I'm really worried no one is gonna post a crappy picture of it on instagram.
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Honestly, this is my best case scenario for real life.
Pitch Perfect Part 9 where the two surviving members sing ABBA at a Potbelly’s.
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Can they do a “Chopped Basic” for cooking illiterate folks like me? Give contestants tomatoes and olive oil and regular shit and I will still be like, “damn they took that stuff and made a MEAL?” Magic.
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There must be SO much elevator security cam footage of me with headphones on, where I get in, wait for the doors to close, and then immediately bust a move like I’m headlining fucking Coachella.
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My phases of grief:
Denial
Anger
Cookie dough straight from tube
Booze
Watching adorable animal vids to make sure I can still feel something
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Doubling down on "locker room talk"?! Like all men do this?! Trumps words are an attack on women, this pathetic excuse is an attack on men.
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Hey.
People who follow over 1,000 people on twitter.
Explain yourselves.
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Fuck. Fuck. I don't think I realized how much I love this woman, who I don't know. Love her more for speaking up for others in this moment.
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Me: "Sorry, I couldn't hear you."
Them: <mumbles the same sentence again>
Me: "Totally."
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So, I need to give a shout out to the Atlanta doctors and nurses who helped me through my first experience with kidney stones when I was at my most vulnerable and terrified. Especially the truly wonderful ladies: Renee, Sandra, Muriel, Beverly, Ashley, Nina, Callie, and...
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Woke up feeling like I'd had a nightmare. Then started crying again. Mantra: I am not alone, we are not alone.
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@titobeauvi21
These replies have been my entertainment for the last two days. Thank you all for regaling me with the true tales of this man’s heroism.
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Every time "Kendrick" is trending I get worried I'm in a Ghost situation and this is how I find out I'm dead.
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I've always heard that Tom Cruise is tirelessly positive and upbeat and I'd love to work with him one day. I think I could break him.
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Sometimes I feel like I could pull off the perfect murder. I'm not saying I would… but I think I could.
Merry Christmas!
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Hey guys! What’s been going on?? I was away directing my first movie, so I haven’t really been on Twitter in 3 months! I hope a bunch of weird shit didn’t go down on this app while I was away! 😀
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Direct sunlight: that helpful friend who points out all the spots you missed shaving
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There was a "Corgi Halloween Parade" in Vancouver today and NONE of you told me??? I'm calling the cops.
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Every time Beyoncé performs it adds five years to my life
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Serious question: how much are wedding cakes? And how weird would it be if I wanted to buy one just to eat? By myself?
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Hey Pixar, maybe put some louder music in those sad moments so a bitch can sniffle undetected.
#InsideOut
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I got my ears pierced at Claire's, probably by a girl who was like 16 and that shit is still a part of my body. Claire's man💎🤷🏻♀️
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“I'm so cold. Now I'm immediately so hot.”
- my internal journey every four seconds on a plane.
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This was the most fun I’ve had on a talk show. And for the record: we’re kidding around at the beginning - this was Trevor approved before I came out. I’m mischievous, not batshit fucking crazy. 😏
@TheDailyShow
@Trevornoah
.
@AnnaKendrick47
crashes
#BetweenTheScenes
and finds herself having to explain “the list” to Trevor.
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Yes of course I got your text - I'm just ignoring it. Don't make it weird.
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Dammit, I am so heartbroken. This meant THE WORLD to me. Thank you for everything that you did and everything that you were.
#General
Proud as any grandma might be that the glitter I gilded you with contributed to your uber, epic shine on your SNL debut.
@AnnaKendrick47
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It’s that time of year again, when I decide to buy a set of organizing bins, so all of my personality problems will go away
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Elliot Page’s words here are so beautiful and so eloquent, and he is reminding me that we can all be brave and joyful, even when things are scary. And this year especially, that reminder is such a GIFT. Sending them love/praise/gratitude/well-wishes etc etc etc etc ❤️❤️❤️
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No.1??? Half naked supermodels in Mad Max and y'all went to see awkward chicks sing and do vagina jokes?? This is a world I can get behind👯✊
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My life would be so much easier if it wasn't for that thing…God, what is that thing called…other people.
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Hi, I'm Anna, I'm alone tonight and I'm looking for a strapping muscular man to come over because butternut squash is hard to dice. 😗😗😗
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When your friends have a traditional wedding but you’re fashion as hell and not gonna hide it.
Love all of this so much ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
@Maisie_Williams
@SophieT
#GameOfThronesWedding
❤️
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Twitter: "Oh noooo, Arya and Dany are getting all bloodthirsty and going bad!"
Me:
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I don't get how the contestants on Chopped stop themselves from going "Yeah, it tastes bad because you made me cook with a pile of garbage."
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Yo
@VancityReynolds
my plan to steal your wife is already going so well that she’s getting the two of us confused. HASHTAG MRS STEAL YOUR GIRL.
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The Samantha American Girl Doll seems like a bitch. Don't @ me.
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I was worried that my pain would turn out to be “nothing serious” or something that I should have been able to fight through. I’m so grateful to these women. Even if we only interacted for a moment, know that the attention and kindness you give your patients is so appreciated.🧡
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Absolutely gut wrenching. God bless the people of Manchester offering rooms and rides tonight.
#roomformanchester
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Guys. I checked out
#Wimbeldon2019
and (I’m sure I’m the first to notice) it looks like tennis is fucking DIFFICULT. Will try asap and get back to you.
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How I feel about driving and also everything else
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One of consolation puppies just got walked past me so the night is pretty much downhill from here.
#GRAMMYs
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Well, the fun thing about getting my Twitter briefly hacked is that people I hadn’t heard from in years reached out to let me know. So, I guess thank you to my hacker for a little anxiety, and for getting me back in touch with my high school friend James. Cheers.
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…the young woman whose name started with “L”?? I can’t remember… in fairness, you were one of the people giving me the heavy shit right before I went under… but you laughed at my tired ass “If I die, clear my search history” joke and I appreciate that.
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O Captain! My Captain! Rise up and hear the bells. Rise up, for you the flag is flung, for you the bugle trills.
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Why are we excited about Oreo Thins? I'm still waiting on triple-stuffed. So.
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I was terrified when I did SNL. Leslie Jones went out of her way to be open, warm, friendly, funny all week. She is a GEM.
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In my hometown and giving directions like: “It’s out by that Dunkin’ that used to be a Friendly’s”
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Theory: the country has gone to shit because we stopped selling Viennetta.
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It is impossible for me to be happy when I’m even slightly cold.
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I mean. This hurts my feelings. But.
I thought I just saw
@AnnaKendrick47
on the subway platform, but it turned out to be a normal human child
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All jokes aside,
@katyperry
your voice tonight was actually unreal. So were your boobs. That is also not a joke to me.
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It's cute how I used to think this "barely-holding-it-together" feeling was temporary.
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I'd say a good 7 out of 10 days I end up thinking, "I put a bra on for this?"
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Madonna kissed Drake, Hilary's running for president, but HBO STILL hasn't shown this dude's dick??
#FeministPriority
http://t.co/wPH7IZdIDf
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In movies, when the super villain tells his origin story I honestly get worried because I relate so hard.
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This is Twitter today, right guys? Is this something? Making it about me? That’s a cool move yeah?
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I suspect that low-carb diets work not because they are healthier, but because without carbs I simply lose the will to eat.
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Well. There goes all my favorite followers.
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Is it bad if your best friend sees you wearing pants without a drawstring waist and asks "What's the occasion?"
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We should be thanking Apple for launching the $10,000 "apple watch" as the new gold standard in douchebag detection.
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