DOJ tells Republicans that Epstein files even worse for Trump than they thought: report https://t.co/8O5hbWeE1n

🙈 #MUFC_FAMILY 🙈 No shit Sherlock we could of told you that years ago 😂😂😂😂 @AnnetteH0526 @Benniewilson111 @refc160 @PhilHowarth @john_nufc42 @tedio74 @wumaufu77 @MrIslandMan67 @UTDFOREVER58 @SteveMUFC1962 @AdorabullyBadge @Rio_F79

Gosh Clifford, what a lot of festive loot!

I won’t acknowledge my brother. -Wilbur Day 5 #WontLookWednesday #PostAFavPic4VioletNov25

The same rules apply every week, mom 🙄 #WontLookWednesday

@bloom200 @AnnetteH0526 @Benniewilson111 @refc160 @PhilHowarth @john_nufc42 @tedio74 @MrIslandMan67 @UTDFOREVER58 @SteveMUFC1962 @AdorabullyBadge @Rio_F79 @Annabeautysoul @assotmufc @Davethemanc15 @DaveChe29318128 @1965Wendy @UTD_Anna_ @1968utd @UtdHeisenberg_ @RayDepuis @BlaneyGerard 🤣🤣🤣 Thanks Caz. I hope that everyone mentioned are keeping well. Happy Wednesday fam 🇾🇪😈🇾🇪#MUFC_FAMILY #GlazersOut

Man Utd - 1878 Empty stadium since 1880 along with 115 charges 😂😂😂😂 @jue19744 @tedio74 @refc160 @MullissTony @AdorabullyBadge  @Christo00330692 @RayDepuis  @wumaufu77 @UTDFOREVER58  @Roli_Mufc @nicnoc311 @refc160 @CunhaWontmiss @upthebluesfc @Rio_F79 @Ajx2900 @mady_________

When I see a flashy car parked across two bays, I always park close to the driver door of said car if I can. I've ended up on the local 'Parks Like A Twat' page on Facebook a few times but I always take a photo to prove I'm doing God's work. More people should do it.

I have a "how is my driving?" sticker on my work van. It's actually the number to a premium sex chat that costs them a couple quid a minute.

The lad who took me on a date was actually quite nice. But unfortunately I just couldn't accept a second date with him after I learned what his surname was. I've always wanted to double-barrel my surname if I get married. His surname was Cummings. Mine is Ball.

I'm married to a TV personality. I'm glad that the way he acts on TV is just for show and not his real personality, because the way he is on TV really annoys me.

You know how your mum used to go through everyone's names until she got on yours? Last night, my husband, some 30 mins after a viagra during Sexy Time, said "I want to fuck you so hard Koko". Koko is the name of our dog.

My local kebab shop considers me a hero and gives me free food. Apparently, they were getting robbed one night and I stopped it by talking the robber out of it. But I have no recollection of this because I was almost on the verge of being paralytically drunk. Still, free food.

My daughter has fallen out with her best friend and my wife had an argument with the girls mum over it. I'd become good mates with the friend's dad and we're secretly trying to stay mates. Full Romeo and Juliet at the school gates with secret nods and hushed conversations.

If we ever saw a future where body augmentation was a thing, instead of cybernetic eyes, arm blades, super strength or titanium bones I'd go for an extended bladder so I could sleep through the night without needing to get up to pee. Something actually useful.

I'm a GP. I'm not confident that I know how to correctly spell diarrhoea without having to look it up, which in front of a patient is awkward. So I just wrote in the patient's notes "got the shits".

I used to send a friend of ours anonymous emails from his cat, Renton, detailing his days and what he got up to. Our friend died without knowing who sent them, and I feel guilty thinking he never knew who his cat's ghost writer was.

Overheard my 7 year old telling her mates how annoyed she gets that the council switch off all internet at 7pm every night. They looked at her confused but didn't correct her. Not sure how much longer I can sustain this lie.

When I'm feeling down I read my eBay feedback. At least someone thinks I'm doing a good job. Except for that one from andyjon77789 you can fuck off.

I faked dementia to get into a nursing home; I was widowed in my 70's and living with my son and his family who meant well but are very annoying; no one can believe how much my dementia has levelled out now and that I can use an I phone and laptop etc.