Martin Fitzgerald
@4hundredblows
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Right arm unusuals for @Badgerscricket , Quizmaster for @theholdsteady , lapsed contributor for @theanfieldwrap , author of Ruth and Martin’s Album Club
London, England
Joined August 2023
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What even is the point of New Years honours if this fella doesn’t get a knighthood
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I’m not saying they went far back in play for MacAllister’s handball but he had a Brighton top on and he was singling Johnny B Goode at the Enchantment Under The Sea dance
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Nunez, who is supposed to be injured, has just cleared Bechers Brook
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I haven’t seen this much outrage over a cross since Aspas took that corner
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I’m not saying the way that VAR framed the Jones tackle was prejudicial but this was one of the images they considered
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Unbelievable. That was like the kids from Bugsy Malone walking into the Godfather universe and wiping the floor with the five families
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I wish ITV would do a drama about waiters that don’t bring the card machine with the bill
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I know how Henderson feels. Someone told me to listen to Diary of a CEO once
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@Knox_Harrington
I think he saw Grealish through on goal and decided that wasn’t an advantage to Man City
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I haven’t seen Gusto that disappointed since I cancelled my subscription due to a lack of vegan options
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The PGMOL have just released the audio for Saturday’s VAR incident
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I haven’t enjoyed a Silva pen that much since my “20 years in Ticketing” present
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I like this version of Barcelona. Lewandowski aside they’re basically kids and players who didn’t make the grade at the highest level. Like Slough House, sponsored by Spotify
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Kalvin Phillips at Man City reminds me of that time Kramer just turned up that company and pretended he worked there
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If I had to put up with this for every Beatles single during the 60s I’d have been out by Please Please Me
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There was a bit there when Conor Bradley took the game by the scruff of the neck and Jurgen thought I better take him off in case the scoreboard blows up and Madrid offer a billion pounds for him
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Postecoglou will probably run out Bairstow in a minute
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From the days of me making people listen to albums they’d never heard before. The Pogues edition was one of my favourites
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“Whoah oh whoah oh whoah oh, we’ve got the best right backs in the world”
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Would vote for any political party that insisted the card machine was brought with the bill
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60 years ago today the Dallas Police Force took offence to Lee Harvey Oswald wearing a really small hat
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If Darwin Nunez was a darts player he’d finish every game on double one
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Wait till all the baldy refs hear we’ve got one of their own as our manager. We’ll win the fucking lot
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I don’t mean to disrespect all our previous right backs but if you ask me today to name an all time Liverpool XI I’m putting him at right back and making him captain
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“Well done boys, good process”
For the second time this year, an umpiring error meant that the wrong number of balls was bowled in a World Cup over. Both games have involved Pakistan.
#CWC23
READ ⬇️
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I haven’t seen the Palace that shocked since that fella climbed up a drainpipe and sat on the Queen’s bed
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I haven’t seen substitutions that bad since I ordered place mats for the table and Sainsbury sent me door mats
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Even the Zapruder film looks bad when you slow it down
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Coote is the sort of fella who bought Now That’s What I Call Music compilations when he was a kid because he thought that’s where the value was
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I haven’t enjoyed a pass this much since the Two Ronnie’s Mastermind sketch
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Think Gravenberch gave the ball away at every opportunity which wasn’t really what we needed
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The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing blue ticks that Nunez wasn’t very good
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I took 24 wickets and met Priscilla Presley in 2023 so if you’re gonna come at me with your end of year review then all the best
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Hello I’m mental
Look at his hairline and tell me with a straight face that Liverpool weren't/aren't doping. Loss of hair is a side effect of doping after all. This has happened to salah,Mane,Thiago,vvd,matip,Robertson and now Trent. Cheating scouse scum
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The XG of me trying to get a doctor’s appointment by phone this morning was basically Gomez from the half way line
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I’m not saying Sturridge’s outfit is incredible but I’d start him
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I haven’t seen a draw that good since The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly
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@johngibbonsblog
@Andrew_Heaton
@JayMcKenna87
@Knox_Harrington
Heaton- “It’s 106 miles to Stockley Park, we’ve got a full tank of gas, half a pack of cigarettes, it’s dark and we’re wearing sunglasses”
Gibbo - “Hit it”
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There’s a fella playing the theme tune to Succession in Gerry’s in Soho and if that isn’t romance I don’t know what is
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When you take a break from trying to find The Maltese Falcon to watch The Ev
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If only there was a way to tell if a team had scored. Maybe the opposition should be made to kick off or, better still, some kind of visible representation of the score, like a scoreboard or something. Maybe have both just so it’s really clear.
VAR incorrectly believed that Luis Diaz's disallowed goal had been awarded on-field 🔴
The 'check complete' was supposed to signal that the goal should have stood ⚽✅
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I saw
@Knox_Harrington
do Whole of the Moon on karaoke last night and it’s all I’ve thought about since
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I went to see the baseball in Tokyo yesterday and the last time I saw that many people on base was when Peter Hook, Mani, and Andy Rourke were in Freebass
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When you’ve hit two treble 20s with your first two darts
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Be great if Everton went on a run and finished the season 9 points from the top
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“Thanks, that’s all I need. You can go back to your original decision”
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When Gomez scores this season it’s gonna be like Thorburn’s 147
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Some other mob have called themselves Battersea Badgers and nicked our logo and, let me tell you, all hell has broken loose on various WhatsApp groups
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If Carter’s nickname was The Unstoppable Pot Machine he’d have all the entire middle aged grebo snooker community rooting for him. Missed opportunity.
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I was busy on Sunday afternoon but what I would have said was “I haven’t seen a boot that high since Finchy won the real quiz”
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I haven’t seen this many vans on a cricket pitch since Green Day played Old Trafford
#SAvsNED
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@Knox_Harrington
Not the end of youth, itself quite a statement, but the definitive end of youth. He may well be this generation’s Wilfred Owen.
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HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA
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This is like when I left See and couldn’t sort people Glasto tickets anymore
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I haven’t seen a second half performance like this since Bob Dylan came on against Yorkshire
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Eric Idle went all the way to Shea Stadium to tell this joke and it was 100% worth it
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It would have been Malcolm McLaren’s birthday today but he died and left a great epitaph instead
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There’s a real Mr Blonde vibe about Nunez isn’t there
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If Kovacic played for Liverpool he’d have been sent off 3 times by now and be made to play in his underwear for the rest of the season
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I haven’t seen a Hungarian hit it that hard since Zsa Zsa Gabor’s ninth marriage fell apart
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Clean bowled a 61 year old in nets last night. Happy Valentines Day
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UPDATE: the fake Battersea Badgers, who will henceforth be known as The Battersea Shithouses, have now made their Instagram account private
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If people were nostalgic for their snooker highlights to be soundtracked by the theme tune to The Sting rather than for blue passports and notions of Britishness then this country would be a much better place
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Given what’s happened since it’s ironic Shilton never gambled on any of those penalties in Italia ‘90
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At this rate this documentary will end with a kickabout on a rooftop in Saville Row
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They never do this sort of thing with The Polyphonic Spree do they?
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Our team driver has just turned up for our first tour match in South Africa. What a world eh
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It’s the 20th anniversary of Almost Killed Me by
@theholdsteady
today. Here’s a piece from my book about that very album
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In light of last night’s result would anyone like one of my “I haven’t seen XXX since YYY jokes” to a) Cheer them up or b) Send them over the edge?
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In West Belfast, where Rangers are the world’s most successful football club and Walter Smith doesn’t get enough credit for keeping Everton up
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I saw the crescent, you saw the whole of Killers of the Flower Moon
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Liverpool friends - A good cause, a good night out, and if you happen to meet
@R0Poem
there I promise you won’t forget it or regret it
The Florrie Guitar Group are taking over the iconic St George's Hall for another Big Guitar-In! 🎶🎸
This time we're going to be joined by special guests The Bluebells, Brian Nash, Pete Wylie, & Kerri Ankrah.
Tickets: 🎫
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I haven’t seen Rooney this gutted since Ferris Bueller had a day off
Gutted not to be making my debut on the iconic
@BBCMOTD
show tonight, it’s something I have wanted to do since I was little. Unfortunately I have sustained a painful back injury during a holiday with my family but I look forward to being part of the team in the near future. Good…
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Conor Bradley is great and he looks a bit like Ferris Bueller’s mate
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It’s National Liquorice Day today. You get all sorts celebrating that.
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Not saying the googly I bowled in nets last night was the ball of the century but the last time I saw something turn that much was when that reporter told Redknapp he made his name as a wheeler dealer
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