This is a great essay in @the_met_review on Mailer, Wouk, The Caine Mutiny, and how a certain literature of the midcentury fell away entirely https://t.co/0OMUODgFQ0

FFS was covered by insurance, but until a month before the surgery there was still a chance I'd have to pay out of pocket ($70k). Electrolysis / laser has been easily above $10k, if not more. /13

Is it really so impossible to enter into the specific contours of our experience and give people the information they need? Take my first tweet: any trans women reading it has to think "That sounds expensive". And it was! /12

The answer to all these questions is the same: "Yes, and it'll be neither as hard as you fear nor as easy as you hope." But can't we do better than generalities? /11

Look at the typical questions people have: Can I get to the point where I am read as a woman? Can I find a life partner? Can I have kids? Will I suffer professionally? /10

I hated all these responses. But I never knew what I wanted instead. And, ultimately, I think what I wanted was just for people to enter honestly into my concerns. There is a terrible specificity to the trans experience. /9

4) Tough love, usually from non-passing women ("It's hard to be trans. It can be really hard. It's not for everyone. If they can't take living publicly as trans, some TWs choose to only present as a woman in their own home or to their friends, etc.") /8

2) Thoughtless affirmation, usually from cis allies ("Oh my god, you deserve to be gendered however you want!") 3) Facile problem-solving, usually from cis-passing women ("Would it help to wear a pin saying that your preferred pronouns are?") /7

What I'm mad about is that if I went to my friends--even my trans friends--and complained about the cab driver, I'd get one of four responses: 1) Awkward silence (usually from normies), pregnant with meaning (do they think I'm being unreasonable?) /6

Who am I mad at? Like...am I really mad at that the O'hare cab driver who called me "sir"? No, of course not--it's not like I even corrected him. /5

But since my past self isn't me any longer--since they're almost like another person--I find myself getting angry on their behalf, and often in not-very-constructive ways. As part of working out this anger, I keep thinking, what did I want people to do better? /4

What I realized is that while transitioning I was suppressed a lot of my anger, because I felt so much shame for all the ways I didn't look good--for my brow and my beard shadow and my voice and my ill-fitting clothes, etc. I looked horrible, and I deserved to be misgendered. /3

One of the weirder changes is that suddenly I've become a much angrier person. Like, I take no shit from anyone. It's genuinely a problem--I've been reading anger management books! /2

Lots of people read a bad book, and they think, "This person is a bad writer" and they look for ways to discourage them. I read it and I think, "Wow this person has written a bad book." But their next one will probably be good! So let's get to the next one as soon as possible!

My job is to get them to stop working on a book that I think is a waste of time--and from that perspective, my telling them to send it on submission is much more efficient than telling them to abandon it would be.

A friend once asked me, "How do you tell someone that their book is unsalable" And I said, "I don't. I just tell them it's finished, and they should send it out to agents." My purpose isn't to exercise some psychic power over them and prove to them that I am the God of Writing

It's all baloney, but some people at least put some mayo on it, and I, personally, really appreciate the effort!

It's like when you go to a doctor, they all tell you to lose weight, but some are like "You should exercise more" and some are like "Oh, it's so hard, I know it's so shitty and difficult--I have these struggles myself, etc" And then they tell you to lose weight.

What's wrong, what has you down, what is preying on you. You really figure out the contours of their problem. And then you hit them with a "You've got it, you're rocking it, keep going!" Yeah, it's the same generic advice, but you have to _sell_ it.

That's why you've always got to be alert to cries for help. People being like, "Oh I just don't see the point anymore". Very easy to just be glib and say "You've got it, you're rocking it, keep going!" But they won't believe you! Instead you've gotta listen