Spending less time thinking about what *will* make me happy and more time thinking about what *makes* me happy

“I need a break,” I say, treating myself to dinner and a TV show and two hours of microtasks that are neither productive nor relaxing

it is CRAZY i learned most of my emotional literacy from Chinese

“Hey I don’t care if people like me, I’m not everybody’s cup of tea. Take it or leave it.” Okay, but you realize that corrupt people in power, evil businessmen, creeps, and predators should hate you. Everyday folks, as a rule, should like you. Being unlikeable is not a flex.

I used to hear some new celebrity’s name and be like oh yeah i haven’t listened to her music yet but im gonna. Now I hear people say “Did you see Lulu BLITZ is dropping a new single? I’m so excited she’s topping the charts” and i’m just like who

Whoever thought of the word “caboose” was equal parts genius and pizzazz

If I was living in a New York apartment thirty years ago I can't stress how often I would talk on the cordless house phone wedged between my shoulder and ear while getting a Snapple from the fridge.

if you're watching any 35mm film from the 90's or 2000's, and the shot goes slightly out of focus for a second, that's how you know you're engaging with good honest media. I'd take two seconds of blurry imagery over some crisp 4K cranial debauchery any day of the week. #☕️🚬

Don’t bother me, can’t you see I’m very busy eating takeout and watching youtube and texting two different people?

The people: We would really like affordable homes, food, healthcare, and education 🤲 The government: Introducing…internal combustion engine powered lightbulbs!!!

I begin every emotional auto-regulation by acknowledging the fact that my ideals and reality have no connection at all

Daily exercise topic: Intuition, having a type, and reality vs. expectations #dailywritingprompt

Comic on account verification #comic #cartoon #comicartist

Every time I log into Google it's like "Just to make sure it's you we telegraphed a code to your ancestors in the afterlife. We called your childhood best friend's mom on her landline and gave her a password in Sanskrit. We semaphored your stalker. We planted a code in your DNA."

the ADHD urge to keep a never-ending list of unfinished tasks so I can always feel good about the productive day I'm going to have tomorrow (I never actually have that day and I'm low-key stressed out all the time)

The uncomfortable cancerian realization that #astrology was invented to sell more calendars

We need to stop electing people who look like they have never even seen a picture of a vegetable

To me paying for verification isn’t only ridiculous, it feels like a bit out of a dystopian sci fi movie. This level of capitalism has exited the basic threat range and has now entered the uncomebackfromable zone of comedic material.

Just got on a horizontal elevator, or as nerds call it, a bus

I want to have the same kind of vibe as Diane Keaton pulling off a top hat in a way that works but you can't say why. Suzy Myers in her one suit and cap for five seasons straight absolutely eating up. Like, everything is right but in a way that feels illegal.