Alexis Gay
@yayalexisgay
Followers
133,875
Following
997
Media
697
Statuses
8,557
Type A comedian 😎 | 🎟 Tix + email list at the link! ⬇️
Brooklyn, NY
Joined March 2009
Don't wanna be here?
Send us removal request.
Explore trending content on Musk Viewer
Madrid
• 1659365 Tweets
Champions
• 711131 Tweets
Bayern
• 660763 Tweets
Joselu
• 348556 Tweets
مدريد
• 224155 Tweets
Neuer
• 172326 Tweets
Vini
• 154238 Tweets
Tuchel
• 141522 Tweets
Harry Kane
• 82551 Tweets
Luka
• 81657 Tweets
FURIA ES GRAN HERMANO
• 79017 Tweets
De Ligt
• 73404 Tweets
Uruguai
• 72604 Tweets
Steve Albini
• 65650 Tweets
Kimmich
• 55304 Tweets
Joker
• 51592 Tweets
共同親権
• 50007 Tweets
#虎に翼
• 41848 Tweets
Shai
• 38382 Tweets
Jokic
• 38124 Tweets
نوير
• 37042 Tweets
Venus
• 27594 Tweets
Shaq
• 22999 Tweets
#SalvemOCavaloDeCanoas
• 22248 Tweets
DPVAT
• 21914 Tweets
アイスクリームの日
• 20083 Tweets
Soto
• 19404 Tweets
twenty one pilots
• 17828 Tweets
Talleres
• 12579 Tweets
もちづきさん
• 10225 Tweets
people say living in the city is scary but have you ever been alone at a house in the suburbs after 10:30pm???
826
11K
169K
the unbelievable high of getting a “sorry, I’m running late!” text when you, yourself, are running late
210
9K
127K
I love how every airline is like “not to brag, but we actually clean the planes now.”
102
4K
45K
I love meeting a friend’s new boyfriend but it’s exhausting to pretend I don’t know everything about them already like “I’m from Boston” ok bud I know you’re afraid of never living up to your father’s expectations I think we can skip a few chapters here
51
622
15K
People in San Francisco dress like they’re about to board a 5-hour flight.
216
545
11K
when you definitely understand your boyfriend's finance job
315
1K
11K
The San Francisco accent is so weird—I’ve never understood why “I don’t want to go to that” is pronounced “yeah, I might be down.”
103
685
10K
Give a man funding and he’ll tweet for a day, teach a man to deploy capital and he’ll tweet for a lifetime.
77
583
9K
ohhhhhh today's Friday the 13th, that explains the last two years
6
473
7K
PLEASE hold your applause but I just successfully canceled a subscription before the free trial ended
96
121
5K
I’ve reached an age where half of my friends are becoming “fiscally conservative” and the other half are getting really into crystals.
62
228
5K
"stick with me, kid and you'll never buy your own t-shirts again"
- the tech industry
57
390
5K
The collective well-being of Silicon Valley’s most elite executives rests in the hands of 2-3 Peloton instructors.
21
203
4K
I’m so desperate to interact with a new person I’d let them “explain” blockchain.
147
261
4K
@HBOMaxHelp
honestly I feel HONORED to have received this test email!!! thank you HBO intern!!!
17
43
4K
if you’re considering business school, make sure you factor in all the major costs: tuition, housing, and attending an additional 6–8 weddings per year for the rest of your life
33
103
4K
People say New Yorkers are intimidating but once at a party in San Francisco I was too scared to admit I didn’t compost.
32
108
3K
I love when a friend tries to pitch me on an open role at their company as though they haven’t spent years of our friendship outlining every organizational flaw in graphic detail.
16
111
3K
“I’ll take a vacation as soon as I’ve got my ducks in a row”
the ducks in question:
18
361
3K
I don't know why some think the San Francisco tech population isn't diverse—I've met people who went to Stanford undergrad AND people who went to Stanford business school.
21
153
3K
Someone just tried to tell me Google Meet is better than Zoom but I couldn’t hear them because we were using Google Meet.
52
116
3K
ugh I am CONSTANTLY forgetting to live, laugh, AND love... wish there was an easy way to remind myself 😕
43
183
3K
my dad complains to me about the internet as though I built it myself
42
95
3K
Remember to take a break from watching election coverage on TV by checking for election updates on your phone.
20
226
2K
everyone in tech secretly believes they could build a better airport
143
125
2K
7am: wow, I am so tired
10am: wow, I am SO tired
2pm: wow, I am SO tired (and hungry?)
6pm: wow, I’m still SO tired this is crazy
8pm: wow, I’m still so tired but at least I can go to bed soon
11:30pm: *fires up wikipedia*
26
164
2K
Ideally I marry for love but I’d also accept “has an in-unit washer/dryer.”
51
66
2K
Call me old-fashioned but I’m waiting until marriage to reveal how many browser tabs I keep open.
28
56
2K
seeing so many friends get vaccinated before me has big “being the last to turn 21” energy
11
110
2K
Ugh I miss going out to restaurants in SF 😞 tonight I'm gonna write my name on the fridge and then stand in front of it for an hour before opening the door.
24
116
2K
me: hi I'd like to leave the house
nyc: ok that'll be $80 please
38
73
2K
u ok babe? you’ve hardly touched your subscription to the Harvard Business Review
16
75
2K
"I can't wait to recommend this book to everyone I know."
– me, roughly 10 pages in
20
173
2K
I think Gmail should at least *pretend* it hasn’t been analyzing every word of my emails for the last decade.
I type “Hey Jason,” and the autofill’s like "... did you know I’ve had a crush on you since senior year at NYU when you brought me a blueberry muffin at the library?"
22
78
2K
My mom only hangs photos where she looks amazing, regardless of how anyone else looks. Our entryway tells the story of how a covergirl model adopted a small homely child and raised her into a bridge troll.
15
33
2K
when someone else makes a typo:
- hardly noticeable
- endearing (human fallibility)
- they must be busy!!
when I make a typo:
- grave and irrevocable error
- HOW could I let this happen
- reputation is ruined (!!!)
26
149
2K
ugh FINALLY we get an answer to the question “what if the writers of Grey’s Anatomy wrote a season of The West Wing?????”
13
137
2K
I didn’t look into the Suez Canal situation until today and now I feel like I missed the boat.
50
58
2K
Not to be extreme but I’d rather smash my phone into a million tiny pieces than listen to a voicemail.
39
119
2K
one day you and your friends went into Urban Outfitters together for the last time and you had no idea
8
48
2K
I like having younger friends because you get to say stuff like “for sure, I went through something similar when I was your age” and then take a long, slow sip of Chardonnay while they gaze upon you as though you’re a wizened old oak tree.
22
75
1K
Each time someone uses the term 'Monthly Active Users,' an angel investor gets their wings.
23
115
1K
my therapist says it’s important to let yourself be vulnerable 💕
11
144
1K
when it's 55° in SF:
- freezing cold
- can't feel my hands
- makes no sense??
when it's 55° in NY:
- sweater weather
- autumnal vibes
- living in a romantic movie
28
53
1K
Everybody I've talked to this week has the to-do list of a high school junior trying to get into college but the motivation level of a senior who already did.
12
75
1K
obsessed with carrying a full gigantic water bottle around all day and not taking a single sip until I get home
19
53
1K
I just learned what a serving of peanut butter looks like. Please respect my privacy during this difficult time.
24
66
1K
“1 block away!!” is not a distance… it is not an ETA……. it is a state of mind, a state of being… spiritually I am very near to you but physically?? I will be there in 12 minutes
12
79
1K
San Francisco was uniquely prepared for shelter-in-place in that everyone was already paying $45/meal to eat dinner in yoga pants.
13
40
1K
“are you sending the calendar invite or should I?”
– me dating
16
64
1K
thrilled to report I’m well on my way to reaching my 2022 book goal—I’ve purchased almost 50 books this year!! can’t wait to start reading them
7
56
1K