FACELESS OLD WOMAN: And you, I forgot your name, you tweet too much. We all tweet too much, but that doesn’t let you off the hook. That’s why I ate your phone. You can thank me later. You can all thank me later.

CARLOS: Night Vale is just a name, Cecil. Night Vale is just the name for an area where everyone you love lives. Don’t worry about the name. Worry about the everyone.

CARLOS: But I do know two things. CECIL: What is that? CARLOS: I love you. CECIL: I love you, too. What’s the other thing? CARLOS: You just said it.

4. Books are the enemy of: a. time b. Cecil c. the people

“We believe in you,” Cecil said and kissed his left cheek. “We love you.” He kissed his right cheek. “I love you.” He kissed his lips.

CARLOS: When I got up to leave I looked at you, and I tried to think of how to say everything I was feeling. But I’ve never really been good at describing feelings, I’m only good at describing facts, and love, love isn’t a fact.

Capricorn: Those were not contact lenses you put in this morning. Best not think about this again.

Close your eyes. Let my words wash over you. You are safe now. Welcome to Night Vale.

They did what all scientists do when following proper scientific method: (1) hypothesis; (2) argument; (3) fight; (4) cry; (5) hug.

LAUREN: Thanks, Kev. Can I call you Kev? KEVIN: Haha. No, Lauren, by no means.

Question: What has 4 legs in the morning, 2 legs at noon, and 3 legs in the evening? Answer: I don't know, but I trapped it in my bedroom. Send help.

CECIL: Carlos told us that we are by far the most scientifically interesting community in the U.S., and he had come to study just what is going on around here. He grinned, and everything about him was perfect, and I fell in love instantly.

MICHELLE: I’ve been thinking lately about loneliness. Not because I’m lonely, I just like to be ahead of the curve when it comes to thinking about things.

The story ends the same way, no matter how you choose to perceive it. Why not choose to perceive it as meaningful?

CECIL: Sorry, listeners. Not sure what happened in that earlier section of the broadcast. As in, I actually don’t remember what happened. Tried to play back the tapes but they all are blank and smell faintly of vanilla.

CARLOS: But then, as the last of the masked army members came through the door, it slammed shut and vanished. And I remembered that I am not from Night Vale. I remembered that, as far as the laws of the universe are concerned, it is not where I belong.

Death is only the end if you assume the story is about you.

Taurus: Today is your annual Crime Day. All Tauruses are exempt from laws today.

CECIL: Steve Carlsberg! Did you just accuse my boyfriend of being a secret operative? STEVE: Well, um…yeah! CECIL: Because that’d be pretty cool, actually! STEVE: No, it wouldn’t! It’s dangerous! CECIL: That’d be awesome! STEVE: It’s dangerous awesome!

“Rad, thanks!” said the Council. “Do the young people still say ‘rad’?”

CARLOS: But I do know two things. CECIL: What is that? CARLOS: I love you. CECIL: I love you, too. What’s the other thing? CARLOS: You just said it.