Sorry I missed your text, I’ve been busy pushing everyone close to me away and binge watching horrible tv and thinking about how none of this matters. Let’s get lunch soon

“It’s 8 inches and thick btw” - me as a doctor telling my patient they have a brain tumor

Me explaining to HR why it’s not bullying

Got in trouble for calling the other Jeff at work the Bad Jeff

I text this guy first yesterday so I feel like I shouldn’t communicate first today. Also should I put yellow wallpaper in the house where I die alone

AMC a list raising their price? That’s fine. They could raise it to $300 and I would still pay. I’m horrible with money

Used a different mirror this time

Me trying to subtly drop hints I want to get staffed on the new Melrose Place

https://t.co/VHnmiXNQBk

I put a new sticker on my phone

I thought it said ‘Throuple to Couple’ where they vote someone out of the relationship instead and I like that more

#ItsAWonderfulKnife had enough heart and bloodshed to garner my investment. Jane Widdop shines as the protragonist, but Justin Long devours every scene. The whodunit aspect fell a little flat, but I'll be adding this to my yearly December watch list. https://t.co/D2aQJDyeDu

Getting over a situationship that was mostly imagined in my mind

I’ve been working in an accounting office for three weeks now

New poster for Stephen King’s ‘The Boogeyman’ starring Sophie Thatcher.

At Netflix, where my Blockbuster hat throws extra shade. Never forget. #WGAStrong

Argue with a wall if you disagree

Time to start writing I guess

Eating dinner with my mom every night until I fly back to LA

In these trying times it’s incredibly important that gay people let others know when we’ve had a haircut