new intro post bc i forgot to do this ages ago ⛧ name: havoc/wolfie/luna ⛧ age: 21 ⛧ pronouns: it/her/pup ⛧ taller than you (6'5) ⛧ sapphic dogthing ⛧ wolf ⛧ SCARY ⛧ TERF island inhabitant

and how much i love and care about them, and how much they do for me. all im due in this life is abandonment and pain. and its all just fucking inevitable. but for now. alcohol. and a lot of it.

id love to know what i did to deserve all this bullshit. but i doubt i ever will. so now i live in fear. now i live knowing that every conversation i have with the people i care about has the possibility of being the last. knowing that no matter how good they are

beating me to within an inch of my fucking life for something my brother did, independent of me, just for the promise of equality. fuck you. fuck you for letting her treat me like that. fuck you for standing by and always taking her fucking side.

fuck you to my dad. i dont care that you had to deal with her as much as i did. i deserved better from both of you. how comes my brother deserved your love. but i didnt? i didnt ask to be born. i didnt ask for you to be my dad. you always had it out for me

fuck you for trying to make everyones depression my fault. whilst refusing to recognise that i have ever struggled. fuck you for saying that i may as well kill myself now as im going to eventually. fuck you for the endless lies. fuck you for the shit treatment.

i tried to kill myself in the floor of my bathroom the other week. fuck you for trying your very best to ruin my life. fuck you for saying im ruining my life, by actually trying to live, by trying to survive. fuck you. fuck you for trying to blame me for your sisters health

fuck you for saying i didnt deserve the fucking course i had earnt at university. fuck you for saying i was a waste of a space. fuck you for making me believe i was a failure long before i ever was. fuck you for being the first reason i drank. fuck you for being the reason

its all i ever was. all the way through schooling, all my achievements were yours, everything i did was yours. remember when you tried saying you deserved my vce grade? as if youd even been in the room whilst i studied let alone helped. fuck you for saying i didnt deserve it.

what the fuck did a CHILD. YOUR FUCKING CHILD. DO TO DESERVE YOUR HATRED. WHAT THE FUCK DID I DO TO YOU. i had loved you unconditionally as you demanded. i still fucking do. but i know full well you dont love me back. i know all i am is a fucking status symbol to you.

fuck you to my parents. fuck you to my mother for holding me as her closest, her favorite, until i developed a single independent ideal, as soon as i realised i was queer she was done with me. outing me to everyone and making my life a living hell. what the fuck did i do to you

fuck you mars for making up absolutely bullshit lies that let my ex get away with abusing me for so much longer. fuck you for trying to ruin my life, over lies and bullshit that could have easily been disproven. fuck you.

couple. but fuck you ryan. fuck you for leading me on for so long, knowing that i was waiting for you. because you asked me to. knowing i would have waited forever. fuck you. shortshit.

there was ryan. the man who led me on for months and months and months, saying he was working on himself, just to one day ghost me and suddenly be in a months long relationship with his boyfriend. im happy for them both. i wish them both nothing but happiness, theyre a great

to lie to me. i doubt he ever loved me. i doubt he evee cared about me. the only times he ever gendered me correctly was in public. the only times he cared about me was in front of others. he raped me. he never cared. why would he. i dont deserve care. from anyone.

then there was my ex. who treated me like absolute fucking garbage the entire time we were together. and cheated on me the entire time we were together, was in a whole ass fucking dynamic with his ex behind my back, encouraging and asking all my housemates. my fucking friends.

he never told me what i did wrong. he just. ghosted me. he just stopped talking to me, and then months later saying that he despised me. he despised me because i put up boundaries and stuck to them. that was the last *real* conversation that we had.

they used me to pull their partner and then abandoned me. i shouldve known from that gig actually. i shouldve known by the fact that as soon as he had the attention of literally anyone that he would completely forget about me. he never told me what his problem was in the end

they didnt ask if i was okay. or if i needed help. all they said was "yeah i pinned you for a narcissist the third time we met" and then moved the fuck on like wow. fuck you they did nothing but get close to me to use me. they used me because i had a job. they used me as a taxi

i miss my family. i miss my rapists. i miss my abusers. i miss my friends. i keep thinking back to what one of my friends messaged me one day when i told them id seen a psychiatrist and they said that i had NPD, DID and a few other conditions. they didnt support me

ive never been able to see a clear link as to what i did wrong, but im sure i did something to deserve it. i always do. ive been looking through my old photos more and more recently and every time it hurts. there has never been someone thats left my life that i dont miss.