- nills .ᐟ is recovering
@wingedvoid
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🎧 “ don’t let me be gone . ” ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ⤷ edtwt / vent diary . . 🖇️ ₊ ⊹
22 ✩ lbmi 12.4
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// leg check
hey guys i’m still alive
i gained and i feel disgusting ! time to rapidly lose again aRGH !!
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some silly lil bdychecks i took in the dark , i’m so tired gnight 🫶🏻
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i know this technically breaks a fast but it’s my disorder so i make the rules 🌀
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fit & body check 🌲🐾 i feel like my legs look bigger already even though i know that’s not possible urgh .
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leg check before i crawl in bed to rot 𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 ⋆ ۪
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february 5th ( bmi 13.6 ) vs march 6th ( bmi 12.7 ) . . 🕯️is there a difference ? /gen
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thanks guys ! it’s the first time trying this one , it’s rlly good ! ^—^
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can we all just pretend march never happened .
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morning checks . .
yes my legs are hairy get over it
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I REACHED MY UGW ! ⁺⊹ .ᐟ
- 28 / 03 / 2024 • ugbmi : 12.5 . . ☕️
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₊ ⊹ this or that poll ―୨୧⋆ ˚
⤷ my autism safe foods !
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fitting room body checks >>
mildly bloated due to constipation 🥴
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yay ! ( ^ 〰 ^) it’s ultra peachy keen , had to import it bc they’re not available where i live
patiently waiting for my 12 cans of monster energy to arrive . . hoping i like the flavor
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just had a rlly good talk with my psychiatrist , and i’m heavily considering recovering again argh . i’ll never feel sick enough so why wait yknow ? idk idk
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⤷ it / he .. ‘02 - autistic cryptid ⋆˚˖
⌞ “ scaled back and isolated . ” 🎧 ⌝
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i need to get worse i need to get worse i need to get worse i need to get worse i need to get worse i need to get worse i need to get worse i need to get worse i need to get worse i need to -
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okok intake appt is over , i got accepted for inpatient and got put on the waiting list 😵💫 time for my nap now
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strawberries and white chocolate , a match made in heaven ! .🍓•.
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// bodycheck
let’s play ‘guess my bmi’ because i feel like i look 3 bmi points bigger than i am
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waiting list is 3 months minimum . err
okok intake appt is over , i got accepted for inpatient and got put on the waiting list 😵💫 time for my nap now
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temporary 2021 junkorexic era comeback
( trying to prevent a binge 😵💫 )
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todays monster . . i’m so tired but have a doctors appt in 30 minutes , wish me luck 🫡
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can someone reassure me that it’s okay if i don’t get my steps in 2day ? :( i’ve been pacing so much the last few says and i’m in pain but i feel so restless nd anxious
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ed’s are so fucking terrifying , i know if i keep going i’ll eventually just die , but i also can’t stop . i can’t get over the intense panic i feel when i eat more than my planned kcal limit . i want to live and i’m scared of my own brain and what it’s doing
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forgot 2 post abt my big breakfast pear ! it was so juicy and flavorful i think it healed my depression tbh 𖦹 ׂ 𓈒 ⋆ ۪
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literally 0.35 kg away from my ugw I WILL NOT GIVE IN TO EXTREME MENTAL HUNGER I CAN PUSH TROUGH THIS
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the brownie one was slightly better but i still enjoyed this one ! i wnna try out all tne flavors now
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tw // med abuse
sometimes i think abt using my benzos again but then i remember the time i was so out of it i came out as trans to my parents and don’t remember what i said at all -
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btw i had 1 toast w/ nutella and still feel incredibly guilty abt it . . :( one day i’ll make little nills proud by eating as many toasts as i want
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still thinkinf abt bread . “cravings only last for 20 minutes” BIG FAT LIE !!
3 am . . can’t sleep because of hunger . thinking abt bread . won’t binge at 3 am though grr . i just wnna sleep
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mom just told me she used to be active on mpa ??
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bye guys i binged / had a reactive eating episode and now i’m convinced i don’t have ana and i feel extremely disgusting 😐🔫
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. . who’s gnna tell them ?
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had enough spoons today to be able to tidy , vacuum AND mop my bedroom ! everyone say good job nills
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look at this cute pasta i found ! if i wasn’t so high kcal i definitely would’ve bought it ⭐️
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my store finally stocked some more halo top flavors AND i got a deal so i got 3 tubs for 10 bucks !!
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some pics from today ☕️ i have my intake appt tomorrow and i’m so incredibly nervous . . gnight
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nevermind i guess !
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gnna keep pear posting until people start tagging me in pear related tweets saying it reminds them of me lol 🍐
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having a “fuck my ed” day ( still counting kcals ) and enjoying some banana bread . going out for dinner w/ my family later because i miss enjoying a meal together <3 restricting again tomorrow tho
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the more i eat the hungrier i get jesus fucking christ i can’t take this anymore
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btw just so you guys know , i’m extremely cringe
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4:45 am and i’m having a breakdown because i’m jealous of my sisters and their food freedom . they eat what they want and r so happy , i’m scared i’ll never experience that . . :(
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just sitting at my desk and randomly got the “what if i recover ?” thought as if i haven’t tried multiple times
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btw i want to clarify that i’m still very much disordered , i’m just trying to not let things get too bad . i’m still gnna lose weight but slowly so that my parents don’t force me to go to the hospital *—*
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had this protein bar again , suddenly life is good nd i don’t wnna die anymore ( the artificial banana taste is amazing idc )
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@golgothaRat
HELP the calorie deficit is getting to my brain i am so sorry i thought it was a real wound lmfao
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thinking abt all-in recovery but i’m scared everyone will think i’m gross , lack discipline and that i’m not sick enough . .
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got more pears !! along with some other stuff including pasta , it’s a big ff but my ultimate autism safe food so gnna challenge it ( dedicating it to @/pastaomad )
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morning , it’s impossible to gain half a kilo from eating maintenance for 1 day right ?
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i feel so incredibly guilty abt upping my intake but i genuinely feel like i’m dying so .
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anyways , had a mental breakdown last night , told my mom i didn’t wnna live like this anymore . we went to the ER today and i just got send home lol .
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good morning i forgot that i’m autistic and can’t change my morning routine without having a meltdown so . normal coffee it is ! ☕️
depending on my weight tomorrow i might make myself a mocha in the morning instead of just a regular latte .. hm
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trolls trying to make me upset as if i don’t weigh myself daily and see the number go down lmfao
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good morning , i hope everyone has a great day / night ! i’m going plant shopping 2day woo 🌿
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my bday is in 16 days and i’m already planning on what i’m gnna eat -
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told the psychologist i went from my highest weight to lowest weight in 5 months and she went “ oH ..” and looked at me like i was insane lmfao
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today is so good actually 🥹 not being too strict on myself kcal and steps wise , just recovering from yesterday and doing all my tasks . tomorrow i’m locking the fuck in though , gnna speedrun to my ugw teehee
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