Every fitness app is like your unemployed buddy looking for some company. “Hey, you haven’t been riding for 2 days. You should ride!”

The shit I do for a laugh

I want the kinda money where I can just throw silverware away instead of washing it

Hey Twitter, I’m out dog.

#zoom is the new tv credit.

Side note, masks also help me avoid your ass breath

Remember the days when we all had home phones. Then came cell phones and home phones became obsolete. Now all our cell phones are home phones. And outside is obsolete?

I have never liked small talk. Can’t imagine staying away from people for 3 months will change that.

Sometimes women are shocked when they find out I can bake or cook well for myself. I raised another human, ya pick some shit up on the way. Ya gonna want a cookie while we talk FAFSA!

I love you all. But when this ends, I still won’t come over. Then I can finally get back to being an introvert and let you animals out to hug

I made weed infused caramel which I then used to make a caramel vanilla ice cream. I’ve named the flavor “impromptu naps” In stores soon

By the looks of it, after this is done I will be following one of the presidents most used tactics. Bankruptcy it is!!

Day whatever it this is. I haven’t zoomed or FaceTimed or Facebook lived anything and mentally I’m so happy for no real social media presence. Good news too, I literally have to do nothing to continue this!!

So while you made bread, I made edibles. Cookie bars, gummies, chocolates, caramel filled chocolates and infused ice cream. Oh and I still have infused butter for your bread! Lol

Trump is like a weather man. 75% bullshit but we listen and believe.

Well if nothing else, at least we still have uplifting memes as we watch the world burn

I may not know what day it is but I can definitely still tell you when the sun goes down.

I’d be less of an introvert but all you people keep talking to me when I go out.

Well I’m glad people can golf. That makes this all better.

Anytime someone says “I researched it” they just googled it once. If they “did a lotta research” they made it to the second page of google.