Weekday Jokes
@weekdayjokes
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“By far the best jokes on X” @weekdayjokes 2024 https://t.co/QaYKBba4RL
Joined August 2021
Me: “Have you heard of Murphy’s law?” Wife: “Yeah” Me: “What is it?” Wife: “If something can go wrong, it will go wrong” Me: “Have you heard of Cole’s law?” Wife: “No, what is it?” Me: “Thinly sliced cabbage and mayo”
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Lazy Person Fact #16273854 You were too lazy to read that number
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For millions of moms, the grocery bill is one of the biggest strains on the family budget. President Trump has the opportunity to fine-tune tariffs in a way that lowers grocery bills, keeps more profits in the hands of American farmers, and secures U.S. manufacturing jobs!
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What did the coffee say when it got to the police station? I've been mugged!
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Why couldn’t the cyclops spell Hawaii? Because it requires two I’s
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BITCOIN IS THE BEST ECONOMY IN THE WORLD! YOU ARE THE FUTURE OF THE WORLD!!
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Do you ever wake up, kiss the person sleeping beside you and feel glad that you’re alive? I just did and apparently, I will not be allowed on this airline ever again
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Ran out of toilet paper and started using lettuce leaves. Today was the tip of the iceberg, tomorrow romaines to be seen
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When you compare the size of a gummy worm versus a gummy bear, it starts to paint a horrific picture of the gummy universe
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Meet Plaud Note Pro, the world's most advanced AI note taker! + Press to highlight – capture key ideas instantly, on device + Studio-quality audio – 4 MEMS microphones with AI beamforming, clear up to 16.4 ft + Smart Dual Mode – seamless recording for both meetings and phone
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Why do astronauts use Linux? Because you can't open windows in space
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My kid: “No, I don't remember where I took my shoes off 5 minutes ago.” My same kid: “You told me 5 Tuesdays ago at 3:24pm that we might get ice cream after school”
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Imagine learning English and finding out that butt dialing and booty calls are two different things
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Ditch DeFi Pool Risks: Floe's P2P Intents Crushed Friday's Crash Borrow/lend with control. No blind leverage. P2P intents beat pools: Manage counterparty risks, match directly, protect collateral. Join today 🌊
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Why does Waldo wear stripes? Because he doesn’t want to be spotted
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Thank you, student loan, for helping me through college. I don't think I can ever repay you
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Scientists have concluded a study on how alcohol can affect a person’s ability to walk. The results are staggering
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