Please listen to my discussion with John F. Kennedy, his first interview in over sixty years. Thank you.

Today is my birthday, time to enjoy my summer bbq playlist.

I found an old man struggling in a bathroom stall. No toilet paper. “Here,” I said. “Use my hand”. I smiled warmly against his shocked expression. “Today you, tomorrow me”.

Forgot the word neurodivergent and called myself a "mental minority" at my probation hearing.

AOC used to follow me in 2017 on her old account TurtlePal. Her gimmick was posting turtle pics and saying she wanted to wanted to live in a shell. While it's nice she "came out of her shell" and became a celebrity, I'm a little hurt she hasn't reached out in years.

In the first ep of The Office reboot, Dwight becomes addicted to gooning and posts an incel manifesto before using a 3D printed gun to kill a mukbang streamer. The second episode is about pam.

"Stop, please!"."Quiet slut, your screams only make me fuck harder."."Ahh!". Typical exchange from a heated roleplay sesh for these lovebirds. Not to worry, they have a safeword. Something that makes them laugh. The name of a ridiculed coworker.

Jim, an office worker, introduced his work wife to the concept of "Consensual Non-Consent".

something like this but not submitting because i don't support electoral politics

I wish my diverse friend group would stop burning me with cigarettes and knocking me out of my wheelchair.

I Wish I Could Kill YouFor Saying This

Forrest Gump Jr. accomplished very little during his life, despite not inheriting his father’s mental challenges. It’s no wonder he became a pill head.

Saw a guy get executed on the subway and nearly dropped my chopped cheese sandwich.

After Forrest Gump’s death various women came forward to report his violent behavior. It’s understandable they kept quiet until now. He was an erratic man elevated to sainthood by a public happy to overlook his crimes.

Going to jail for inventing "Super Crack". Basically just two servings of regular crack with some added cinnamon.

Sick of the multiverse so I have created a new idea called the monoverse.

Sabrina Carpenter has been sealed in a crate and dropped into the ocean.

Forrest Gump’s story is deeply American. We believed, possibly due to his low intelligence and positive attitude, that he was a good man. Yet we now know he assaulted various women.

Brian Wilson's camp has released a statement:

Mike Love killed in a drive-by shooting in Las Vegas. Details forthcoming.

Cum Theory: The delusion that "cum" entering a woman somehow creates life.