yaoi cocaine bear
@venti_later
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mein Gott dieses Buch hat Homoküssen und Arschficken | I mute notps and block idiots | primarily 🗿🦚 / 🌱🏛️ / ⚔️🍁 & 🦁🍁 (sometimes verse)
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hi. new fic from yaoi cocaine bear for the first time in like. a year. this is hanahaki AU. it's 11k. angst with a happy ending. read at ur own risk.
#haikaveh
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(INFO) in summary:
1. no one is rate-limited, it's a cover-up for the fact that they pushed new code that DDoSed their own site
2. if you're on web twitter you can use tweetdeck or the old twitter extension (I've tried both, I'm tweeting from tweetdeck right now)
links below!
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"banning" BL content when you've released your game to an international audience is insane btw that's just homophobia dressed in corporate language
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yall . yall all she said was she applies his makeup
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childe: spent 3 months in the abyss as an unruly kid, was a child soldier, sees no issues with being used as a weapon, has no favorite food, doesn't talk about his preferences, focuses only on survival and the high of battle
genshin fandom watching this: aw he's so well adjusted
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all of hoyoverse's situationships are like this I'm sick of them
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kpop hall of fame thread
What's a tweet that's so canonical in your mind you make shorthand reference to it, even if people might not know what you're talking about? (I sometimes just say "uh oh y'all it's gettin' kinda hazy" expecting people to get it)
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I don't think I'm exaggerating when I say players deserve an apology for these crunchy ass graphics
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homophobic ayato
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have you guys tried cocomelon
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IT REALLY IS A LOVE HOTEL SUITE... I THOUGHT YALL WERE JOKING
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"simulated universe is hard" okay but have you considered that you get to roleplay a god and try to trick every other god in the universe into believing you're a god while you do shit like raise space worms and witness the end of intergalactic wars and also kiss yaoshi
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dr ratio is really funny in execution because if you told me this guy got isekai'd to fix a story where all the geniuses kept fucking up and the heroes got his favorite character kakavasha killed but he can't be too OOC or the System docks points I would immediately believe you.
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to answer this: wuwa uses UE4 instead of genshin's unity engine (which had several devs working on it for years atp it's basically its own beast bc iirc they had to make a lot of tools from scratch)
UE4 has more tools but is Not Optimized for anything but high-end systems.
wuthering waves needs to perform whatever magic hoyoverse puts into making their games actually playable on mobile,,,,
im so sad everything is so blurry and anything higher overloads my phone ?¿ I can't even see their faces properly if I zoom in help
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a fujo's hands lovingly made her no wonder she makes the inc3ls mad
this furina designer having sm 4aggravate on her desk. shes so real
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aventurine: "is that acheron and black swan"
robin: "their outfits look totally different. what does it mean!"
black swan: "some memories are better left unexplored"
WHAT DOES THIS MEAN BLACK SWAN
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awww how cute it's calculating it's next warp jump. anyway. WORLD-CLEANSING DRAGON
i feel like ratio would appreciate this lil trotter. it's trying it's best
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guys just put me in a room with him I can repopulate sigonia biology means nothing to me I WILL get him pregnant
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random celebrity reincarnation conspiracy theories you will never be princess diana died 31st august 1997 and jeon jungkook born 1st september 1997
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argenti randomly saving 30+ people and fucking off into the horizon is still the highlight of this patch
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Ratio literally tells Screwllum that a life lived in failure is also a life worth living to remind him that geniuses aren't the only people worthy of existence... What the hell are you people talking about lmao
if he is as harsh on his students, his children would be of no exception
If not he’ll expect the most out of his own children (if he intends to have any). To me, he doesn’t seem to accept failure and his kids would feel the most pressure , hence that tier
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alhaitham reinforcing his just a dude status so aggressively that none of his VAs play the damn game
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it explains him overthrowing the government too, if I had to see my blonde bombshell situationship coming home depressed every week because of the sages yelling at art students I would be in the robot changing the trajectory of their lives I can tell you that much
Honestly, Alhaitham was always misunderstood, because if my 6 foot tall, blonde haired, bright and feisty, depressed architect situationship left me because of the stress of a fucking college group project of all things, then I would be on the news
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this is haikaveh btw. if you even care.
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tears of themis is so fucking funny. pov your senior attorney gets pulled over by a scammer when he's driving you home and you pull out your yu-gi-oh deck to scream him into the shadow realm.
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ok personal commentary time: I think his character was genuinely well written because it didn't go overboard with the whump to the point it felt overwrought. it was really well executed, and genuinely made you empathize with him while he tried to completely evade anyone's pity.
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im. what does it mean for alhaitham to ask kaveh to come live with him knowing what home means to kaveh. what a home where no words are needed means. what his lack of family implies. what that means for the two of them living together. this is a CONFESSION and kaveh is an IDIOT
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"kaveh needs to move out" no he doesn't. isn't it obvious that he needs to feel wanted. and that he's running away because he can't believe that the home he longs for doesn't come with a catch or a time limit. that his best friend still is his best friend and still loves him.
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every time kaveh has an ex in a fic I'm like wow that's so unrealistic if I fumbled a bag like the hottest man in sumeru this badly I'd kill myself then I remember that alhaitham is canonically the closest thing he has to an ex
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cyno's bday letter being "let's all celebrate with my little found family!" vs kaveh's and alhaitham's not even mentioning their birthdays. they just want to spend it quietly with each other doing mundane things... a peace they fought for. for so long. i hate haikaveh actually.
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this is blatantly false because you immediately get invested in the main character losing their sibling and then see venti playing with a dragon five minutes into the game. genshin has fumbled narration before but not in mondstadt.
i am begging people to go back and play mondstadt again to see how badly they fumbled the starting story as a new player
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sometimes I think about the fact that after the huge breakup fight haikaveh didn't stay in contact for years and instead of writing letters like normal people they wrote entire papers that targeted each other's philosophies and communicated exclusively via academic journalism
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I apologize again veritas ratio I was not familiar with your game
@hatogaia
let's be realistic here... nobody is outperforming the grand "I brought down a corrupt government because it was making my husband upset" scribe alhaitham
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given all the shit alhaitham does in canon he's a bit pathetic about kaveh whether he realizes it or not (he realizes it but bc it's alhaitham he also feels no shame.) however if kaveh actually realized this at any point he would pass out in a public space from embarrassment.
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basically
kaveh chapter: what if he kicks me out for being annoying I should stay out of the house more often
alhaitham chapter: Barely Getting Through 💪 This Weekday 🗓️ So I Can See 👁️ My Wife 😐💕 Bother 🕺 My Wife 😐💖 Spoil 💰🍷 My Wife 😐💘 Everything 💞 For Wife 😐❤️
Something I love in haikaveh fics is then there is a big tonal shift between Alhaitham and Kaveh chapters 😭😭.
Kinda like:
Kaveh: This is terrible... after everything that's happened, I'm sure Alhaitham wants nothing to do with me. I should move soon, but where? When is
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"fujoshis are going to hell" yes to look at the gay people there in case you forgot. do you feel violated? do you feel fetishized? should we have a party? should we invite park jimin?
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i had to do it
#haikaveh
i’m not arguing with no masc with big boobies like whatever you say mr bounce house
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alhaitham: is this going to affect me in any way
the narrative: probably not
alhaitham: is it going to affect my extremely delicate and sensitive husband in any way
the narrative: yes
alhaitham: ok I'll overthrow the government about it
the narrative:
alhaitham: can I go home now
remember when everyone was like wow what could’ve been haitham’s reason for saving sumeru he must have some important grand role in secret and then we find out yeah he does have a secret role: he’s married and he wants to keep his normal routine intact
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"omg, we're only 13 fics away from 10k on the haikaveh tag, I wonder what the new fics look like -"
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if I see another "fun fact I have never played genshin impact" in the author's notes in haikaveh fic I'm going to do something drastic
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I spent twenty minutes figuring out why the combat was making me want to die and it's because the settings were HORRENDOUS - both horizontal view/vertical view was on 50 for some reason???? and I had to set regular/combat camera distance to 50 for now
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wait we're all not considering the TEXT. does this mean that kaveh bought coffee beans and they spent his birthday. together. picking out what coffee they like best. had a little coffee tasting party in the living room with alhaitham looking at him fondly. i'm going to be SICK.
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anyway you know alhaitham refusing to tell kaveh he's in love with him and wants him around is really funny from a narrative standpoint because we get the benefit of the sheer entertainment their misunderstandings cause but it makes perfect sense from alhaitham's perspective imo.
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crying at the minors in the qrts talking about oversexualization they've never heard of fertility goddesses in their lives
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do you as a haikaveh shipper think about how much alhaitham loves kaveh and how much he explicitly doesn't tell him but is always showing him and have your throat constrict like there's something lodged in your lungs not letting you breathe for a half second or are you normal
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... THIS IS THE LORE REASON WHY HE'S FREE???????????????? LMFAO
Proposal from Dr. Ratio
Pardon the interruption — you are now speaking with Veritas Ratio.
It has come to my attention that your broadcast today touched on certain warp arrangements in connection with myself. If I may be so bold...
The current arrangements for this Warp are
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I'm going to start needing Ei stans to keep Venti out of their mouth. Ei abandoning her people to go meditate in Euthymia while letting the Shogun terrorize people is NOT the same thing as Venti believing humans should have the freedom to self-govern without divine interference.
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so. looks around at my comrades. ratiorine. aventurine fell first and ratio fell harder is canon then.
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i think alhaitham would act stoic about an injury until kaveh walks into the room and then immediately start pretending he was actually on the verge of death (he fell down two stairs) and is being Very Strong about it (he is clutching his ankle and grimacing in a Manly Manner)
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hey so I was looking up persian wedding customs for haikaveh fic and? what do you mean the mirror is one of the most important items? I
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v funny when people are like "oh alhaitham's reason to overthrow the government was his LIFESTYLE not kaveh" when his lifestyle is maintained solely by kaveh taking a broom to the entire house. we simply do not give housewives enough credit this is true misogyny at work.
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Kaveh getting drunk and giving free hugs to everyone in the tavern until Alhaitham drops by at which point he goes HIII I'M HOME and collapses into his arms. Alhaitham tells him, "You're still 2 km away from home." A very confused Kaveh replies, "But *you're* here, aren't you?"
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(2.1 spoilers) so Aventurine faced IX encompassing him THEIR shadow, asked the Emanator what value life had if people were meant to die and had her affirm these thoughts were pointless and... and. read Dr. Ratio's letter... and... turned his back on Death within the Dream?
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alhaitham: today a man submitted a design for a vehicle he called a "sub" that he said was steered by invisible aranara. he wanted me to test it out. I declined.
alhaitham: personally, if I wanted to stuff myself in a sub that was likely to fall apart, I would just fuck kaveh.
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knowing what happened to kaveh's father it makes total sense alhaitham doesn't want to tell him about the god-saving plan and the amount of times he risked his own life to make it happen it would literally make kaveh have a panic attack in the middle of the grand sage's office
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no wonder childe wanted to fight her he saw a comrade
"when I draw my blade, I am but an instrument of Fontaine's law"
oh that's not..... girl why are you calling yourself just an instrument 😭😭
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with all due respect, what the fuck is even going on with kpop stans anymore. has the anti mindset infiltrated every inch of fandom to this extent.
mind you she’s talking about jujutsu kaisen. jujutsu fucking kaisen.
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exo-cbx has the opportunity to do the funniest thing of all time
Kim Jae-joong, formerly of JYJ, has established his own agency. He is said to be preparing for the production of an idol group.
(Note: Kim Jae-joong was one of the former TVXQ members that was blacklisted from broadcast TV nearly two decades by SM Ent)
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haikaveh wedding... alhaitham passing by the venue before preparations are complete and kaveh just put on his henna so he's just flailing his arms around explaining where to hang decor or flowers to the workers and alhaitham impulsively swoops in to kiss his still-drying hands
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you know that Incredibly fucked up on the inside people can mask being Downright Normal pretty well right. people with trauma do it all the time. doesn't mean they don't have it. "omg he's not an edgelord" is like the most boring reductive path you could take for his character.
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nana I understand but clearly they're casting jisoo as sungah and uh. No offense but. No.
BLACKPINK's JISOO, Lee Min-ho, Ahn Hyo-seop and Nana are reportedly confirmed for the new movie 'Omniscient Reader's Viewpoint' cast.
Filming will start in December.
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losing it at how much hate nijien is getting for making sexual jokes bc they've all been very explicit about their content not being for minors... newsflash adults have sex all the time this is not a space for you.
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alhaitham/kaveh (both dynamics) is the third biggest ship on genshin ao3 right now lol
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this is still one of my favorite occurrences in simulated universe because this guy apparently cares more about ratio calling him an idiot than getting noticed by nous
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haikaveh is the funniest because they're both service tops but one of them is a service top because he thinks he doesn't deserve orgasms and the other is a service top because he thinks the other person deserves 500 orgasms a minute
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kaveh's waist... alhaitham's big hands on kaveh's waist tugging at his kamarband right back into his chest so he can envelop him in a loose hug and put his lips next to his ear and breathily say. hey. you're wearing mismatched shoes. leave the room while kaveh has a meltdown.
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does it drive anyone else insane that we don't know anything about ratiorine's first collaboration except that it involved aventurine attempting onesided Russian Roulette
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literature students vs philosophy students
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sorry alhaitham winning the Besotted Man Poll is so fucking funny in the sense that probably the entirety of sumeru would be like. Yes of course the scribe loves his wife and kaveh would do a 180 head turn to be like. Who?
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do you ever think about how boyfailure alhaitham is in his flirting attempts
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kaveh at 1 am: we have no experience with kids. what if I'm a terrible parent because I start resenting my own kid for receiving the love I didn't get. what if I start resenting you for it too.
alhaitham, rocking their baby: what if the world was made of pudding.
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my roommate (28M/A) has been stealing all my (30M/O) clothes. at first I thought I had his gender wrong since we fell out for years and he presented during then but he said he's nesting when asked? I thought only omegas nest? is this revenge for when I stole his laundry softener?
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ok some context on the vedanagari script alhaitham mentions:
1. it's based off devanagari script, which is a real life official writing system currently used in india and nepal for several languages, including sanskrit (this is relevant I promise) and a bunch of other languages!
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director probably handed them scripts like "yes he's relevant to main plot no it doesn't matter he's just a guy who loves his wife"
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Thinking about Final Victor and Boundless Choreo and how you can see both Aventurine's & Acheron's faces because despite them wearing masks for the rest of the world they show their true faces to Ratio and Black Swan... both of them are leading the dance, against the other's will
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haikaveh is so funny. random bazaar npc probably sees some dude holding his fainting husband with smelling salts pressed to his nose three days a week on avg after the former did sth outrageous and has no idea that they're two of the most capable and intelligent people in sumeru
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today I was watching a chef make chips and queso and he was like "you have to marry the flavours together. because marriage makes you happy. just look at me." with the most deadpan but utterly sincere expression ever. and I just think this would be chef alhaitham.
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"you poor thing you must be so tired have some coffee beans my husband and I picked out" is possibly the most queer elder slash parar auntie behavior ever I'm losing my shit laughing thank you kaveh
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realistically aventurine being blessed by the goddess of fertility cancels this out anyway if he says he wants to get pregnant he will win every 50/50
realistically ratio would have low fertility/be infertile bc of his hot baths; optimal temp for sperm production and storage is relatively cold. if he takes hot baths, sperm production in him is low + any produced sperm would die due to the heat leading to fertility issues
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like yea he isn't i agree diluc copes differently and xiao has been atoning for millennia but trauma isn't expressed entirely in the MCR love language just saying
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someone who deactivated already did a while thread on this - tl;dr alhaitham wields both faramarz's weapon (light of foliar incision) as his signature weapon and xiphos' moonlight ingame. both of these characters were makhaira's lovers. dots were Connected. Etc.
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man who has made a career out of shitting on fujos and constantly erasing queer women's interests in queer stuff and looking down on Asian media and collecting fans who feel the same turns out to be a giant piece of shit, more surprising news at eleven
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