Valencia Green
@valenciagreen
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Joined September 2009
My phone dies quicker than the black guy in a horror movie. http://t.co/yhRMpYLcV5
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I interviewed for a new secretary today and the last girl blew it. So, she starts tomorrow. http://t.co/RGyW7Ds9iw
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A polaroid is what an eskimo takes when he wants to bulk up. http://t.co/GvAVCPDRJw
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http://t.co/CVkneTjok0 You know you're an adult when you suddenly start taking Bert's side over Ernie's.
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http://t.co/8pAXCswXeV Maths joke: if you have a pizza with radius z and thickness a, it's volume is pizza (or pi*z*z*a)
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If sex is the food of life, then masturbation is a snack in between meals. http://t.co/7BuGx3rJaR
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"I liked small butts. I was lying." - Sir Mix-A-Lot's teary deathbed confession http://t.co/s8wQhIcb5B
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I'm writing a horror movie about realizing that I left my phone at home. http://t.co/4D0mB89HWL
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http://t.co/8l3Luzny If a tree falls down, and only a women hears it. What the fuck was a tree doing in the kitchen?
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http://t.co/Di3WiWhD I miss the good old days when no one knew what gluten was.
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Clearly, there was once a dangerous alternative to Safeway. http://t.co/sHYlkkxi
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http://t.co/RtEy5bPI "Take Your Child to Work Day" must be awkward at the dildo factory.
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Most of my friendships are based on if we watch the same TV shows. http://t.co/62PByZ8s
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I bet George Washington's favorite drinking game had to have been Quarters. http://t.co/oRtctNSl
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Just found out my wife is a dolphin in a wig. http://t.co/ewqlQDO4
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You say potato, I say put out, ho. Otherwise, I'm calling the whole thing off. http://t.co/6MSS9Qcs
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