UnravelingOCD
@unravelingOCD
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Alt. of @sahilsangu, here to discuss OCD and mental health in general // Leftist // 25 // Dentist //
India
Joined July 2021
Donald Trump and Elon Musk are at odds? I thought they'd leave the planet together like the president-billionaire duo from the movie 'Don't Look Up.'
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"Logical validity is not a guarantee of truth." ~ David Foster Wallace Sadly, my OCD doesn't care.
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Logic doesn't cut it for OCD, you need to get on through sheer disbelief and mistrust – of thoughts, senses, instinct and memory.
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"One must imagine Sisyphus happy," I tell myself as I ready myself to do the 26782621st OCD compulsion of the day...
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Stuck in an OCD compulsion literally every breathing minute of the day, not able to sleep through the night, been so for so many years that I'd trade an arm, or a leg, or both for a moment of peace if I could...
I don't sleep, I hold my eyes shut, and some nights – if I am lucky – my body force boots itself like the computers of old...
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I don't sleep, I hold my eyes shut, and some nights – if I am lucky – my body force boots itself like the computers of old...
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A decade down the line, it is tragic how despite knowing the ins and outs of this disorder, I still find myself stuck in its labyrinth, nearly always.
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Have only ever once felt truly heard, the HOD at Psychiatry put the department on hold and had his whole team of doctors and residents lined up in his office as I tried unraveling the ineffable monster that OCD is. I was 16 then.
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I try telling myself – for an OCD catastrophic fear to come true, several individual and already near-unlikely events need to go exactly as OCD imagined, making it all a statistical impossibility. Doesn't help, this disorder is an ever-evolving monster!
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In the TV show Lucifer, the hell, it is said, is a nightmare loop perpetuated by a guilt that makes you blind to the fact that the gates leading out are open, and you can walk away anytime provided you let go of the guilt! OCD is hell, and worse – the guilt is unreasoned...
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Funnily enough, the drug review on the website I order through was written by a dental degree holder.
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Can't sit through the ordeal of explaining my OCD to another psychiatrist, so haven't seen one in almost two years, been ordering meds online, but now the prescriptions are getting marked outdated. Ugh! Long shot, but will try auto-prescribing it to myself as a dentist next, lol
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Can only imagine the pain of those living with undiagnosed OCD. I've known the ins and outs of this disorder for two decades, yet find myself stuck in the labyrinth, nearly always.
The latest OCD absurdity – locking my phone in a cupboard before going to bed, hiding the key in some distant corner I can't access in my sleep so that I don't end up doing anything inappropriate online while asleep, yeah wtf! Yet I wake up thinking that I did exactly that.
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The latest OCD absurdity – locking my phone in a cupboard before going to bed, hiding the key in some distant corner I can't access in my sleep so that I don't end up doing anything inappropriate online while asleep, yeah wtf! Yet I wake up thinking that I did exactly that.
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