แตสณ ๐ผ๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐๐ ๐ง
@tonnie_montana
Followers
108,294
Following
17,220
Media
5,547
Statuses
95,712
Harvard Graduate๐จโ๐|| TwZimstats C.E.O || Street Kโngs || @ChelseaFC ๐|| 99.85% lies..everything else is true
Pa areas
Joined January 2019
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ใดใผใซใใณใฆใฃใผใฏ
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A malawian mp being carried out of the parliament after he had a stroke trying to pronounce "luxurious"
#MALZIM
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If econet sold beer:
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Kungotumwa kunodzuura onion mu garden munhu akutopfeka worksuit otora pic o tagger Terry๐
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Jada: i didnt cheat it was just an entanglement
Harare guys:
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Zanu chaya kanganwa ndechekuti yaipa vanhu practice vachirara kuma queue ema bank, kuzvitupa, kuma birth etcโฆzvekurara muma queue tazvijaira hakuna kwatoendaโฆ!
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Dzidza kugara uchitaura na Mwari nguva dzese kwete kungomutsvaga zvaoma
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Mshikashika wandakwira nhasi wa cutter motorcade driver akanzi misa mota neteam rema bike akaramba, akatanga kutiza nesuโฆangoti achi turner muna baines akabva a parker akati โabatwa amheno hakeโndobva atora makeys akatanga kutizaโฆ pamhanyiwa๐๐ป ..apa ndasiya lapaz yegraft imomo
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Kungobata ka 20us phone yakutopinda hanzi kukudiwa mari yekuchipatara tsano vazora vaginal tightening cream vachifunga kuti ilotion izvezvi face yese yaungana mhino yatovharika maburi
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โHuya uuraye huku hatidye heartbreak isuโ
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๐ญ๐ญ dhagi uya atotanga akuti yellow icolour yangu hanzi tarisai kana mazino angu
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Muzimbabwe ukada kuita zveku zembera pa degree unofa nenzara... ukatoona patonzi pakudiwa vakaita accounting iwe une degree re cutting and designing chingo applyer unozono explainer kumberi.. ungatadza accounting iwe une 5 ma accounts pa twitter
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Mahwindi anenge anotoenda kuchikoro che rough...this one ndamuti i cant sit ku backseat because ndikuda kuburukira padhuze ndikanzi mota inema brake tsano...wakamborara paverandah because ukuda kukurumidza kumuka here๐ญ๐ญ
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Sauro hamusi kumuziva imi ...Ndiye uya wekufarirwa nevanhu pamusangano kusvika kwanzi "Soulja luv hachisi chinhu"....mangwana makuseni tikamuka kwane number rekuti "Soulja luv hachisi chinhu ZVINHU"๐ถ
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2025
โMari yenyu yashota ne 22 billionโ
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Fly over yepa mbare is floodedโฆPana driver apindirwa ne garwe mu honda fit
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Ndichiri ne 3 years ndakamboenda na mdara kubasa ku Zisco steel kumbonorova ma piece jobs emari yangu yema napkin...ndigodya melted simbi ndichifunga i porridge.. nanhasi ndikapfurra pane magnet ndonamira...kumaraini kwangu ndotonzi iron man๐๐
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In zim you will have an unemployed youth killing another unemployed youth to defend those who made them both unemployed๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
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This is Genius Kadungure, he graduated with a first class degree in Chemical engineering at Nust. He is now a vendor..
#ZimbabweanLivesMatter
#FreeZimbabwe
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This pandemic has taught me that mari haitenge hupenyu.. Mwari anorwira vanhu vake
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Kutonga nyika kusvika munhu wese akutengesa huku
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Twitter yainakidza kdara tichiri vashoma less than 83..pa tl tichiita nharo dze technology na Elon Musk achitaura zve technology zveku space ini ndichimuudzawo dzekwedu kuno dzekuti togadzira mheni. Izvezvi zvachinja tL yangu yangozara ma Skipper a hatiperi ne machongwe a terry๐คฃ
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Pa weekend ku pabloz pane slay queen rairamba kunwa jameson hanzi i dont drink cheap whisky..rikatengerwa vueve...after 4 ma sips rikarutsa sadza ne misoro yeshiri๐ญ๐ญ
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Them: "it will end in tears"
90yrs later
Us:
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Mwari haisi n'anga yekuti unongoitsvaga kana zvinhu zvaoma...gara uchinamata nguva dzese
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Muharare havachataure kuti ndo kechesa anongoti " I'm a model"
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Rimwe gore umwe achati apedza kubaya *143# oona salary yake yakanyorwa pa 2 gig data obva afira pa spot
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Your next task is to think
Lee Anne:
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Kana uchida kunyatsovenga zanu imborwarirwa or kupfuura nekuzvipatara zvedu๐ฎ๐
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Ndanzwa nekufonerwa customer achitenda.Hanzi neumwe wepa chitown apa laptop yawakanditengesera inyama inobata zolspot yekumashops iye ari kwa seke.. Battery racho kuchengeta moto zvekuti magetsi paanoenda vano connecter stove ipapo voto bika maguru..
Boxed laptops available!!
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Kana muchida kuchengetedza hushamwari musa kweretesane mari๐ฎ
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2030
Mwana wa terry kumahumbwe:
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95.57% of iphone users in zim havazivi kuti iphone inouya iri mubox rakaita sei..havatozivi zvakaita manual yacho
- Zimstats -
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Marondera is now the capital city of harare๐ซก๐ซก๐คฃ haaa Mp asvika pakubuda misodzi akati โmarondera yakaiiiiiiipaaaโ
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Nhasi Terry azobuda pa Aljazeera ndikabvunzwa na gogaz vangu kuti ndiani uyu.. ndangovati ndiye muridzi we chicken inn
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"Bvisa ruoko mubrugwa umo, otsvaga muskana musati mati raper pano"
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99.99% yema "no strings attached" pane 1 anotouya ne tambo
-Zimstats-
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Ku Zimdancehall hakuna anokwanisa kupfeka bhutsu dza sauro dzovaremera...Crown aenda nayo
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Kuno kugweru tea tikutoinwira pa stove ....ukungoti ukaibvisa ikubva ya freezer
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Problem vajaira kudanana nema dhara vachimati "baby" saka ku respecta vanhu vakuru kwakutonetsa
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Kana tazogara more than 90% yema zimbo are depressed esp the youth...kungosekerera hedu tichifamba but ma1
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Me as Zouma's lawyer:
Your honour a cat has 9 lives and my client didn't take any
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Ku high school kuma inter schools takazombodyiswa gun powder tichigaya kuti i glucoseโฆndakamhanya 2 rounds (800m) ne 3 seconds ndikabva nda disqualifaiwa because ndandakonzeresa chamupupuri๐
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Fb is now dangerous ๐คฃ
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South Africans will burn down factories and start protesting for lack of employment...
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#TheWifeShowmax
Homeboy watching that khanyi scene for the 34th time trying to convince himself that it was just acting๐ญ
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What happened
: Angoti benz
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Pavenenge vachifunga kuti tichaita demo musi wa 31 tobva taiita musi wa 2.. vachifunga kuti ndikurevesa kuti tichaiita musi wa 2 tetaiita musi wa 1. Vobva vafunga kuti pakati pa 31, 1 na 2 ndopane demo isu tobva taswera takarara. Kurasisa vavengi
#31July
#1August
#ZanuMustGo
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Advice usafarire kufamba manheru unopondwa nematsotsi
Fake woke twitter: Saka ukuto supporter matsotsi kaiwe,, ukuti zvinoitwa nematsotsi zviribho
๐๐pano pane vanhu vane dzisingadhonze bhoiz
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Campaigning yemuno ndaitadza..Kumabvuku vanzi mukasavotera musangano tokurovesai na Mayweather..
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Start your day nemunamato and end it nemunamato uchatanga kutoona musiyano
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Ma votes a Mwonzora = number of virgins in harare
- Zimstats -
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Chamisa nezuro akandi inspire zvekuti nhasi ndamukira kunobata queue reku voterโฆndikutobva kutodZingwa pane rimwe queue izvezvi hanzi ndere madzimai rekubaiwa depo..๐ญ
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98% of iphone users in zimbabwe vakamatenga ari 2nd hand and 95% ma iphone 7 zvichidzika.
-Zimstats-
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Kurally ndaenda ne phone isina moto ika chargiwa ne energy ya chamisa
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To us๐ป who cant afford ventilators but tikarwara kusvika pakupora tirpaden takangochengetwa naMwari
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I think Zanu ikutodawo zvekudyiwa pama elections...these guys are not even trying
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Kudanana nekamu 2000 kwakangooma ..izvezvi ndadeedzwa kuma interhouse hanzi huya uzondiona ndichimhanya๐ญ
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Dzidzai kuchengeta vabereki venyu..pavaikuchengeta, zvavaidya ndozvawaidyawo...ikozvino chiitawo make sure zvaukudya ndizvo zvavari kudyawo..kana uchimukira kudya chingwa ne bacon make sure vabereki vako ndiyo yavari kudyawo..โโ
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Munhu kungogarisa asinganyengwi akutozviti feminist๐ฎ
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Winky aratidza kurema ndazonzwa tuma bhebhi tuma ndex twanga turi paside pangu twakuti โ uWinky umdala wethuโ
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Muzimbabwe ukaita zvekutamba unosvika 60years uchingo chengetwa nevabereki
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671
Kusaisa Mwari pama plans ako is failing to plan!
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I had 38 followers but ever since i started using the
#ZimbabweanLivesMatter
tag have gained more than 20k followers.. You can too!! Start using the
#ZimbabweanLivesMatter
and gain
#ZimbabweanLivesMatter
๐ฟ๐ผ
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Makomborero isn't getting enough credit..๐ญ
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Pa CCC pandangonzwa kuti Citizen andina kuzombomirira kunzwa kuti mamwe ma C akamirirei ..ndabva ndangoziva kuti iyi ichange ichibhura kunge Man City
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Nhasi kwauya vaenzi vabva joza ndakutumwa kunotenga full chicken & chips ku
@chickenhutzim
. Ndatenga bho, ndadzoka paden moms vakuti vachivhura vapakurire vaenzi, wanei chicken iya yadya machips ese.
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Musarase hunhu nekuda kunzi mukufambirana nenguva
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"Makapedzisira rini kudyawo ma conflakes pamba pano"
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Nhasi muharare hamuna mapurisa hanzi ese aenda ku marondera.. kutaura kuno tikutorovera mbanje mu charge office ๐๐
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Vanofamba nedzimota ndivo vanoisa mutemo wekuti makombi ngaabviswe vobva vatipa 2 ma zupco nyika yeseโฆizvezvi people are being robbed daily ne team rema private๐ญ๐ฎ
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If spiderman was south african:
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Garai mangoziva kuti muzimbabwe ma shows e hip hop chete hatiendi...hatingambopedzi husiku hwese tichibhamba bhamba takabata mabrugwa pakati!!!!
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Kungo voter ndakutotanga kurwara nezverwere zvechirungu.. Guys ndine insomnia
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Me, mutovo and cerevita watching Holy 10 achiuya kuzoti joiner kuvanhu vapera:
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Madrid ne amapiano same same ...wakuti yapera ongozonzwa ngo ngo ngo ngrrrrrrrr kweche kweche
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Dzidza kuchengeta vabereki vako maprayers nema sacrifices avo ndo akusvitsa pauri
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Kana iri boyfriend yako ikuhora $100 unomuti ari broke.. but baba vako vaku hora $50 unenge uchivapembedza kuti hee "a king, trying to make ends meet chii chii" ...๐ฎ
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Terry akutorwa ma pics ayo ne bhebhi chete..wakamboona kupi pic ratorwa nemurume richi nhuwirira lipstick
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Ndakamboenda ku company inogadzirwa mince meat ku Iraq...vaingotora mombe voidyisa grenade...richingoputika vakutonhonga mafufu voto packer๐๐
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Ukaona uchiri ku afforder data mu zimbabwe uri mbinga
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99.2% of Zim companies are underpaying their workers because vanoziva havo kuti vanhu vakawanda are desperate๐ข..
- Zimstats-
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Nhasi ndarota Chamisa ari panyanga..zvinhu zvese zvava bho.. kana tuma pie tuya twe colcom yanga yangova nyama yega yega zvekuti crust ndiyo yaitori mukati menyama
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Hatisi kuti mese idai Sauro but kana musina zvekutaura tinyareiwo
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Muharare mukutenderera kamwe ka flue kekuti unonyatsonzwa wega kuti izvezvi ndikufamba pamupata wemumvuri werufu๐คง๐ญ
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Chingwa chapa 52 bond per slice
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Munhu kungo kanga maputi nekuita zvima road runner akutondidya ku poll๐ฎ๐ฎ
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596
Mwonzora mukaramba muchimusekerera achamuka achiti ndakunzi Chamisa
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594
Christmas for women kuswerera kubika kongodyiwa 2 mins vorara vachisuka๐ญ๐ญ
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Kutonga nyika kusvika suit yapera chiremerera.... unoona munhu akarova suit muzupco achinetsera change yake ye 5 bond๐ญ
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Mazoe yemazuvano yava weak.. unotoona kamfana kachinoba mazoe isina ku dilutwa kobuda kasinga kosori.. yakudhara yairi strong zvekuti teaspoon yemazoe yai dilutwa ne 5litres
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Tichivharisa
#NIGZIM
ngatichibatanai futi senyika tinobvisa zanu hanzi ndeye ku nigeria๐คฃ
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๐คฃ๐คฃmy country people
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"This jordan was bought for me as a gift by my 14yr old niece...i wear it with pride"
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Ukangoona winky angoisa gumbo 1 pa speaker ari mu Hicc...anenge akuita kunge messi na cr7 combined haamisike..
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577
96.8% of zim men dont like ma long fake nails pavakadzi vavo..
- Zimstats -
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571
Zimbabwe is Slowly becoming colony again...nhasi ndakagara mukombi ku backseat pane streetkid rauya rikaruma hotdog rangu nepa window๐ญ๐ญ๐ญ
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562
Pressure inopihwa varume ne society haidi uchigara muzimbabwe... unogona kuswera wava mbavha
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Ndazori verenga bhuku riyaโฆ hanzi i started my business with only 1 circle.. ๐๐ฟ
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Rimwe day ndakati ndajumha ka 12us pa soccer betting ndikati rega ndimbono spoiler bhebhi...ko isu tiri romantic ka kungoti economy ndiyo inozongoti tsikirira. Ndatoudza bhebhi kuti nhasi usadye ndikuda kukuputitsa nelunch saka tosangana pa belgravia since aidzidza pa Uz
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Ndaona roora ine grocery list rakanyorwa laptop๐๐
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