I've written a new story for THE TRUTH, the greatest fiction podcast in the world. This one's about hot sauce, and I'm happy to report it's a blast. It's a feast of brilliant performances, AND a feast of killer sound design by @yourpaljonathan. It's a Two Feast Piece!!! LISTEN.

RT @JamesUrbaniak: Huh. I was not expecting this to be the angle of the Springsteen biopic:

RT @bryanscary: Humans of San Francisco! (and anyone else who likes to travel): the original lineup of Bryan Scary & The Shredding Tears is….

The sound I make when I know I am right is awful - but the sound I make when I am corrected is even worse. So you see the impossible position my enemies find themselves in….

Worried my last thought on earth is going to be “I underestimated the gamers.” When I am dying of cancer in 2058 or whatever, manage my pain, by all means, but more importantly, please hook me up to a machine that prevents me from having the thought “I underestimated the gamers.”.

5’5”, 190, but I retain a lot of blood.

Skirting The Promise - Twenty Yes Or No Questions I Think It’s Probably Okay to Answer About God And Heaven And Then That’s It, by Dylan Tarper (with Fr. Rick Jerry Simple).

Keeping The Promise - Growing Up As The Boy Who Saw Heaven But Can’t Say Anything Specific About It Or Else He Goes To Hell, by Dylan Tarper (with Fr. Rick Jerry Simple).

God Made Me Promise - The Incredible True Story Of Dylan Tarper, The Seven Year Boy Who Died And Saw Heaven But Promised God He Wouldn’t Tell Anybody Anything He Saw There, by Dylan Tarper (as told to Fr. Rick Jerry Simple).

I'm going to admit something that I know a lot of you already suspect. This last year, if you ever heard me say "I'm thinking of tanking my pharmacy chain," I was trying to get you to say a compliment about my pharmacy chain.

I was told it was really easy to register a new christmas song but it turns out there's this whole other complicated form if it's a horny one. Even if you just lightly reference a "warm me up" scenario, be prepared to fill out 15 pages and go to two different offices.

For decades, the idea of John Lennon was a serious man who used a silly voice four or five perfect times. A whole culture was built around this. Filmmakers MUST STOP pumping newly unearthed silly John Lennon into the atmosphere if we are to survive.

People ask where I got the idea for Blue Apron. Years ago, I began receiving one dead rat in the mail every week from a (still unidentified) young man who claimed I had “ruined his life.” I thought hey, what if these were fresh ingredients that I could cook into a gourmet meal?.

Been thinking lately about a They Might Be Giants fan in Hell. Spends his whole life thinking about TMBG, goes to Hell on some technicality. In his eternity of torment, does he ever think about TMBG? Does the thought bring him pleasure? And if not, is it really him down there?.

I would like to thank my parents, who always believed in me, specifically, and to the exclusion of other children.

I am the owner and operator of the Dixville Notch Escape Room And VR Arcade, and what you need to understand about Dixville Notch is that these are six people who are dangerously addicted to VR.

Therapy has greatly improved my sleep - I still have the nightmare where a maniac breaks in and kills my whole family, but now it's all practical effects, no CG glop.

Hello detective. I have come to help you with the Jigsaw case. It is a day he has dreaded for quite some time. For I am what Jigsaw fears most: a guy who gets saw ideas but I'm nice.

Remember, when you turn 21 you cannot just "start drinking." You must pick a legally recognized *first drink.* Thankfully there are many options: a nice can of Firsties Extra Light, a shot of Good Starters' Irish Whiskey, or any red or white government wine.

My uncle pitched the original idea for Tiny Toons and didn’t get one cent from WB… he woulda won his lawsuit if WB’s dirtbag lawyer hadn’t gotten him to admit his idea was toons that are tiny because they are far away, not toons that are tiny because they are young.

It is God's design that animals have no nerds. If a man tried to develop a nerd animal, God would strike that man down.