My talk on HyperCard, TI83, Cooking & why the Browser Isn't Feature Complete: The Internet as an Incremental Skill:

Shell game: We put the data under the "local processing cup," mention you need servers, start swapping cups around, invent a nonsense term “Private Cloud Compute" & voila! These are SPECIAL servers. That's how you go from “local matters" to "we're doing it on servers!" #wwdc24.

Most people are hoping AI will make Siri better, but personally I'm hoping generative AI will give us a more lifelike Tim Cook that will finally push him out of the uncanny valley. #wwdc24.

Can we get live footage of Alito's house? What's the status of the flag post-verdict?.

"Did I leave my Apple Pencil Pro in this shoe?" #AppleEvent.

Incredible that Apple can just trickle out 50-year old features to the iPad keyboard. First a keyboard with no trackpad, then a keyboard WITH a trackpad, and now. THE FUNCTION KEY ROW BITCHES. We getting a numpad in an extended Magic Keyboard in 2027? #AppleEvent.

Overlapping windows?… Hey now, this is a Special Event, not WWDC, let’s uh keep the geeky stuff to a minimum, please. #AppleEvent.

WE WERE INCLUDING NEURAL ENGINES BEFORE IT WAS COOL #AppleEvent.

"The M4 is so fast, it'll probably finish your Final Cut export before you accidentally switch apps and remember that that cancels the export entirely. That's the amazing power performance lead that Apple Silicon provides." #AppleEvent.

The sole purpose of the iPad has always been to clown on the Mac Pro. #M4 #AppleEvent.

8GB is 16GB. Safari is three browsers. War is Peace. We’ve Always Been at War with Eurasia. Just buy it and shut up.

Live look at Tim Cook spatially computing whether he can fit 10 more Apple Pencils into the lineup, none of which do anything new.

That’s a 25 MHz machine btw. So I never want to hear about how Swift is so much better for performance because it doesn’t use objc_msgSend.

Swift is now 9.5 years old. Does it feel like a mature language? How about SwiftUI? Here’s a comparison. When ObjC was the same age as Swift, this is what had been built on top of it. Major portions of NeXTSTEP, Project Builder, Interface Builder, etc.

Whoa, you can SHARE these spatial videos with. ANYONE with a Vision Pro? You mean they're not DRM-locked to only work on devices associated with your iCloud account? Incredible. #AppleEvent.

“This is grade of Titanium is usually reserved for the most demanding use cases, like the Mars rover. But thankfully for our users, no one does stuff like that anymore, which left ample supply open for a consumer phone." #AppleEvent

"The most Pro iPhone we've ever created" #AppleEvent.

Next year the #AppleEvent will be filmed in the empty Westfield Mall instead of an empty warehouse on a nondescript SF pier.

Anyone who thinks Apple is behind in machine learning hasn’t listened to these LLM-generated #AppleEvent scripts.

"I love the new Apple Watch Series 9 and Apple Watch Ultra 2” You can almost hear the “®” as he says it. #AppleEvent.

“Two essential products, the iPhone and Apple Watch" has real “Steph Curry and I have 4 NBA Championships between us" energy to it. #AppleEvent.