I want a world, When you buy hotdogs and they match my bun count. Communists thriving on anarchy I tell yeah. #simpleman

Lifetime stats…. Irma days curling 0-10 Seattle mariners games in attendance 0-9…..viagra couldn’t even turn this battleship around. #askyourdoctor

6:12 am at a petro buddy throws a “hey pal”. Inner peace is thrown off all bets are off tonight for the chiefs now. All in lions 🦁 god bless opening day. Book it #NFL

I miss red zone Sunday’s. #finsup

I forgot my key again tonight and had to break in tonight….when your a big boy windows are a bitch. #stillbanginbitches.

We’re here. #mtuhky #FollowTheHuskies

This is currently my quarterback. @BarstoolBigCat #MiamiDolphins

BREAKING: The Miami Dolphins are stuck at the airport trying to fly back home. Apparently the plane can’t take off because Tua and coach McDaniel’s balls are too heavy and are weighing them down.

Not gonna lie not the start I intended to have.

Don’t count out the dolphins my scheftys (my loyal followers) got last year vibes!!! When we took the ravens on as underdogs and pulled a big W. #tuatimebaby

Winners win period. Don’t fuck with the algorithm.

This Rox. The sons of @garysheffield, @therealmanny99, @45PedroMartinez, @davidortiz, and @KeithFoulke are all playing together on the Brockton Rox of the Futures Collegiate Baseball League. https://t.co/Rs6GVtvvqn 📸: @espn

Hot take here: Matty the ice man Ryan is going off this year 🤌🤌. Heard it here first schefty out. #Colts

I don’t know what is wilder people yelling is that cee lo green at the fat black guy beside me or pal who just walked up to me and just asked me if the oilers just won. Like get a grip my man.

Would hope so the dancing bum been in the league for three years now!!!

…update when you go to the strippers apparently it’s offensive when you ask if there real.

I think I’ve fallen 4 times already to the April fools jokes already… I think by 5pm I’ll have this thing figured out.

The sports world has been bananalands since international women’s day. #whattimeswelivein

When I ask what kind flavours you have and you reply “all of them”. You push me over the edge.

Listening to Romo talk about Mahomes makes me sick. No further comments.