UK followers! Paperback version of The Perfection Trap hits the shelves this Friday - now with extra lovely praise. Available in all good bookstores and online. BUY HERE:

By chasing the horizon, perfectionists are driven to wire the explosives for their own demolition. They exploit themselves until they collapse.

RT @thom_curran: Are you unwittingly raising a perfectionist?. It's surprisingly easy to do. Here's a 🧵 about all things parenting and per….

Ultimately, create a safe and accepting environment where children can grow, fail, learn, and, most importantly, accept themselves for who they are. For more on perfectionism, follow me.

Third, unconditional love and acceptance. Yes, expectations are part of life, but it's crucial to remember that grades and achievements are not the only measures of learning or success.

Second, embrace being an imperfect parent. Allow your children the freedom to make mistakes, to learn from them, to experience the natural ebb and flow of life. They'll need these experiences later in life.

So, how can we counteract these subtle, often unconscious forms of perfectionistic parenting? . First, awareness matters. We must recognize our perfectionistic tendencies and how they can often unconsciously influence the way we parent parenting.

There's good evidence for these pathways. For example, a recent study from my lab showed a positive correlation between parent and child perfectionism, which was explained by parents' tendency to hitch their approval to their child's achievements. See:

3️⃣ Conditional acceptance: It's easy to fall into the trap of deferring approval. "Keep going, a little more effort, a little more revision." This conditional acceptance subtly communicates that kids are only worthy of approval if they keep striving. Next stop, perfectionism.

2️⃣ Anxious rearing: When parents hover over their kids, micromanaging every move, a subliminal message is sent - perfection is the only acceptable standard. This leads to an aversion to making mistakes, resulting in significant psychological strain to maintain a perfect facade.

1️⃣ Mimicking: Kids are sponges. If we obsess over minute details, set lofty goals, or scold ourselves for tiny mistakes, our kids will adopt these traits, mimicking what they see as "normal." This social learning explains the strong link between parent and child perfectionism.

The invisible hand of genetics plays a pivotal role, contributing approximately thirty to forty per cent. But beyond genes, three parenting pathways can lead to the development of perfectionism in kids—pathways we do have control over.

Are you unwittingly raising a perfectionist?. It's surprisingly easy to do. Here's a 🧵 about all things parenting and perfectionism.

If you know a perfectionist, a little understanding goes a long way. Perhaps even a hug 🤗. And perfectionists: Allow yourself to be human around others. No one's perfect. Deep down, we do know that, don't we? . Vulnerability, not perfection, brings us closer together.

Sadly, research confirms that perfectionists often struggle with loneliness, depression, and anxiety. For example:.

3️⃣ One of the perfectionists' basic anxieties is criticism and rejection. Unchecked, these anxieties become so all-consuming that they withdraw from the world altogether—because you can't be criticised if you don't show up. This withdrawal deeply impacts their mental health.

2️⃣ Since the perfectionist's self-esteem is pinned to public displays of achievement, they're hyper-competitive. This means they can often appear hostile and overly concerned with other people's successes (not to mention failures). Not a good look, particularly in the workplace.

1️⃣ Perfectionists are often caught trying to create the best impression, calibrating their every move. Yet, paradoxically, the need to please other people actually hinders connection. Why? Becasue it's in our vulnerabilities that we become most entangled with other people.

Perfectionism might seem like it's spurring us to achieve great things, but it also makes us an alien to ourselves and other people. Three reasons why.

The surprising truth about perfectionism and relationships 🧵

RT @piercepenniless: This is good, and correct. You have to make active choices to disengage and read. Phones are very powerful technologie….