Confuse future archeologists by burying your pets in elaborate military uniforms.

Musk is launching a new political party. It will probably perform about as well as most of the rocket ships he launches. Expect rapid unscheduled disassembly.

Happy birthday to the Dalai Lama who is 90 years old today this time around.

Politics can be complex but every so often it’s pretty easy to tell which side of history you’re on. For example, if you require the police to arrest elderly ladies for peacefully protesting against genocide, that’ll probably be the wrong side.

I miss the days when we used to send investigative journalists to places where authoritarian regimes use repressive legislation to stifle dissent, before we became one of those places.

RT @PhilipProudfoot: British police arresting an 80 year old priest for holding up a sign that says, “I support Palestine Action”. Only a h….

Nietzsche was wrong. God isn't dead, he's just fallen asleep on the couch with the remote control underneath him.

If yesterday you supported Palestine Action, a direct action civil disobedience group which does not advocate for violence, and woke up today facing imprisonment for supporting the same people, now a proscribed terror group, you have literally been radicalised by the government.

A reminder to MAGA that France was a key ally of America in its War of Independence against the British, and without that vital French support Donald Trump might be speaking English today. #4thofJuly.

Dear Americans, Happy Fourth of July! Celebrate your independence from the British crown by throwing tea into the sea, referring to your trousers as pants, oppressing women, persecuting immigrants, and joining a christofascist cult dedicated to restoring the monarchy. Wait, what?.

In this novel you can:.*Learn how to disagree with Hemingway while dodging his uppercut. *Read Dorothy Parker's lost erotic film script. *Admire Hunter Thompson's drug deals in the afterlife. *Try not to be shocked by where Wilkie Collins hides his opium.

Your reminder that disagreeing with Vladimir Putin is the most common form of suicide in Russia.

Jim Morrison died 54 years ago today. When he reached the underworld, Orpheus challenged him to a duel by saying, “Come on Baby, Fight my Lyre.”.

Seeing Thatcher on banknotes would be like getting postcards from someone who burgled your house and left a turd on the bed.

Happy birthday, Franz Kafka. I wanted to buy you a card but unfortunately I awoke this morning from uneasy dreams to find myself transformed in my bed into a monstrous insect, and when I got to the shops they tried to squish me with a rolled-up newspaper. It was quite a trial.

Is it true?.Is it kind?.Is it necessary?.- three things to ask yourself before deciding whether to get out of bed in the morning.

You know what’s wrong with all those movies you love? Absolutely nothing. That’s why greedy, cynical studio executives will be remaking them.

[FIVE YEARS AGO].ME: I'm writing a dystopian satire in which democracy has been destroyed and an American president who's a Russian asset is opening a concentration camp patrolled by alligators. PUBLISHER: Lol, that's wild, but you'll need to dial it down to make it credible.

Matt Hancock is back at the Covid inquiry, desperately hoping that the protective ring he's throwing around his own reputation proves more effective than the one he claims to have thrown around care homes.

If you could travel back in time and give one piece of advice to yourself at sixteen, don’t. Let the arrogant little shit learn the hard way. That’s what you had to do, after all. And why would they listen to some old fart like you anyway.

Watching Trump and Musk turn on each other like a pair of thwarted comedy villains at the end of a crime caper movie would be much funnier if it weren't for all the human beings losing their liberty and lives amid the destruction of American democracy. Other than that, hilarious.