KAYA NOVA
@thekayanova
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Took me 3 years to get here, but finally it’s yours.
High OUT NOW 🤍
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Finding your signature perfume scent is an underrated experience in womanhood.
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Tia Mowry said her marriage was successful, but it ended because she had evolved. She spoke about divorce being a “graduation” not a failure, that success in a marriage is not about longevity but if two people are happy together. That message is gonna save some lives for real.
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There’s no way y’all looked at a Aunt Jemima box and had no inklings of racism. There’s no way.
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A friend once said to me “I want a partner who isn’t amazed by me” and at first I was like “girl, what?”
But she explained she didn’t want to feel like the amazing, superhero in the room. She wanted a partner who saw her, could handle her, and wasn’t mystified by who she was.
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Essentially your 20s is just understanding that you can’t plan your way through life like you think. It’s a long unlearning that control & staying the same isn’t the key to life, but the ability to constantly evolve through changes.
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We are no longer glamorizing being overly busy. We’re focusing on delegating, outsourcing, saying no, and organizing our current tasks. But we’re not chasing exhaustion this year.
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People think they’re competing with other suitors when dating me, but really I’m comparing you to my own solitude. That’s the competition. Is your company better than being alone? Am I growing around you like I do when im alone? Do I feel safe? Is there joy??? Is there peace??
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I was not prepared for how lonely healing & growth can be. It’s like climbing a mountain and every few steps there’s less and less people on the journey with you. The closer you get to the top the more proud you feel, but then you look back and wonder if anyone will ever join you
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Quit the job. Quit the person. Quit the environment. Whatever is harming you, leave it. Something magical happens when you affirm you will not put your soul in a jeopardizing space. The doors begin to open when you value your peace. I promise.
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I’m definitely developing my “have fun anyways” skills. The older you get, fun has to be a decision. Something will always go wrong, surprise expenses pop up, people’s mood around you will be horrible, you get tired, there will always be an inconvenience, but… HAVE FUN ANYWAYS.
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I’m embarrassed by how overly nurturing I become when I really like somebody. But at the same time I love that part of myself too lol
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Dating will always involve teaching someone something about how to love you, and how they can be better. The red flags pop when you realize you’re doing all the teaching, all the work, all the fixing, all the problem solving, and thus not being poured into.
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I hate budgeting. All I hear is I need to make more money.
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Stop ignoring when your talent has been validated in multiple spaces. It’s not a gimmick, it’s not luck, it’s not a once in a lifetime occurrence. You are GOOD at this thing. The proof is there. Accept it and act accordingly.
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R&B hasn’t gone anywhere, but we do need more “I feel so safe with you” R&B, more “it’s just a really nice day out & I’m happy” R&B. More “play this at the wedding reception” R&B. Just more celebratory tunes in general. Joy R&B, if you will.
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Tik Tok dances are just cheerleading competition choreo. I’m convinced.
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Honestly, I love how Michael and Jay are both equally unhinged but they take turns with it. While one is acting up, the other is the voice of reason, and then they switch. It’s the kind of foolery I want lmao
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It’s honestly ridiculous how much we villanize unpartnering, break ups, divorce. How naive and small minded we are to think just because we love someone they will always be ours. There’s peace in acknowledging the death of things. There’s a lot of life there too.
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Basically, you gotta break your dream down into little things you can do everyday, every week, every month to make it feel possible. Don’t overwhelm yourself with big goals/intentions that ignore where you are right now.
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People don’t tell you that saying no is actually a trust building process with yourself. The first time you quit a job, end a relationship, choose to follow your passion, or simply stop doing something you don’t like—all of those little no’s build into confidence over time.
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Because we’re supposed to be sleeping more in Winter but work demands don’t allow us to. Our bodies want to follow nature, but we can’t so—everyone just feels fatigued and/or depressed.
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maybe it’s a spiritual awakening but I’ve just been withdrawing from everything. I find myself having less to say. less urgency to speak if that makes sense. less of a need to prove myself. I just am. That’s how I’ve been feeling all week.
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Date people who like themselves. That’s what the conversation really needs to be.
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Alright, I love Sex Lives of College Girls, but I’ve had enough of this idea that Kimberly is the only one capable of pulling a fine man consistently. It’s getting out of hand now.
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Relationships are hard work. Good relationships are hard work. Healthy relationships are hard work. Love is work and a choice everyday. Whether with a partner, yourself, family, friends, it’s work.
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Social media will have you anxious over things you don’t even want. Chasing ideas of success you don’t even believe in. Be careful getting swept up in goals that aren’t yours.
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Everyday I try to remember that the life I have now was something I prayed for. Even with all the challenges and confusion, I asked to get this far. I wished for all of this.
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I mentioned to my therapist that I was working to become a better version of myself, and she asked “do you want to be a better version of yourself, or a clearer version of who you already are?” and I was stunned.
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Y’all treat 30 like our lives will be over by then. 30 is extremely young. Some people just start new dreams in their 30s. Most are finally figuring out how to live fully in their 30s. Our 20s are not the peak. Not even close.
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I noticed when I tell people about dating issues they immediately say “but you’re so amazing! Your person is coming” or “you’re so beautiful, it’s gonna happen!” And I just have to ask since when has women being amazing or beautiful guaranteed us a safe,fulfilled dating life?
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I’m definitely in my disciplined era. There’s a lot of slow progress, small wins, hidden sacrifices no one really gets to see. Maybe never will, and that’s okay. But I’m so damn proud of me. I’m so proud of what I’ve been making real for myself.
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One thing I’ve learned is to just cry about it now. The more you hold it in, the harder it will be to recover from. Just cry now. Whenever you feel it, let it out.
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Multiple streams of happiness. Multiple streams of peace. Multiple streams of joy. Multiple streams of care.
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Tomorrow is Juneteenth Eve. That’s not a real thing but I’d like to make it one.
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I’ve been going out alone for years and people can never wrap their minds around it. Yes it’s just me. Nope, no one else is coming. No, I’m not bored. No, I’m not scared. Yes really… just a table for one lol
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Nothing compares to putting pen to paper and writing things down. Absolutely nothing. Whether journaling, notetaking, creating, planning, manifesting, whatever it is. Get back to actually writing it down.
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Y’all ever noticed in most classic Black tv shows, someone was always pursuing a creative career? Khadijah had Flavor, Kim Parker was a designer, Jamie King was writing jingles to be a singer, Martin was a radio/tv host, Moesha was a writer, Marlon wanted to be an actor…
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I love that “I’m not afraid to be seen trying” is a new motto for so many right now. Because you can move and manifest in silence all you want, but at some point your growth journey will require you to be loud about what you want. You’ll have to be that vulnerable and brave.
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A lot of us are in for a rude but beautiful awakening when we hit 30, 40, 50+ and realize life continues. Your 20s are just a taste of who you’ll eventually become. We all have to start embracing and loving what it means to age.
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One rule about adulting that seems obvious but isn’t always: you really have to take care of yourself. It’s 100% your responsibility. When your body breaks down? When your emotions are at that limit? It’s your job to recover. It’s your job to always be proactive about your care.
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You mean to tell me I was this powerful the whole time, I just had to actually keep my promises to myself????? That is crazy.
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I have to stop making space for people who are still unsure about where I fit in their lives. It’s okay to be unsure, but it isn’t okay to have that much access to me at the same time. You’re either unsure or you have me. Anything in between is disrespectful to my own growth.
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You cannot rest away burnout. You have to make a big change and remove something, but all the rest in the world won’t fix it.
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Men who don’t make an effort for the woman they want bc they think other men already give her enough attention are weirdos.
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Everything is going to workout because it has to. I have no choice but to be delusional about that.
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I’ve met many of my soulmates already. Soulmates do not equal life partnership or “forever” to me. They cater to your soul depending on what life transition you’re both in. Sometimes soulmates decide to evolve together, sometimes they don’t. But they aren’t “yours” to keep.
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From Scratch allowed me to release a cry I didn’t know I’ve been holding on to. Not a cute cry either, a deep ugly one. Goodness.
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Before I fully cut someone off I give ample space for communication and honesty. If that isn’t respected, I have no choice but to move on & behave as if we no longer know each other. No, I will not approach you to fix it. You made your choice. I have to make mine.
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I hate to share this, but getting more organized actually does help you feel less overwhelmed, especially as a creative. Order and structure helps tremendously. So sorry to my fellow “go with the flow” brethren. Get a planner. I love you.
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Social media is draining as hell. Just scrolling and ingesting everyone’s feelings and thoughts... we all gotta take multiple, routine breaks from this. Be kind to yourselves and get the hell off these apps sometimes.
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As traumatic as these past two years have been? I have grown in unimaginable ways. Some pretty tremendous shifts happened for me.
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I don’t care WHAT y’all see me accomplish, I still need the help. I still need the support, I still need the guidance, I still need the encouragement. There’s no level I’ll ever reach where I don’t need these things.
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Sometimes I have to remember I’m constantly experiencing a lot of firsts. So much of my life includes things I’ve never done before, and I have to be more gentle when I don’t always get it right. I’m still very much a student.
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Why I spoil myself as a black woman:
I thought I would get to an age & folks would just adorn me. Romantically. Platonically. Professionally. But that’s false. Everywhere I have to work. And defend myself. And fix things. And try to matter
So when I earn money? I repair myself.
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Please stay picky. There is someone and some place out there that will be exactly what you need. Don’t let doubt or loneliness lower your standards.
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“Crying doesn’t solve anything” it may not, but have you ever thought your body isn’t asking you to solve anything? That whatever going on inside of you isn’t looking for an answer, just to be seen? That we aren’t here to just fix things all the time?
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If I stay grounded & disciplined this will be my biggest year yet. It’s terrifying to think of, but all the pieces are here. Just have to be committed to building.
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The way I hid my trauma behind good behavior, shyness and people pleasing as a kid. People thought I was an angel but really I was terrified to have a personality so I chose obedience. So much to heal as an adult.
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I think that may be the first time I’ve heard someone champion solitude and partnership at the same time, and that’s beautiful. Because more of us need to know we get to evolve in and out of love. And that endings of things also represent success too.
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“Until I see some of my notes applied, it doesn’t make sense for me to make more.”
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It’s amazing how a talk with your friends can cure you. You’ll be carrying pain for weeks/months, and one good conversation will renew you like no other.
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The most attractive thing anyone can do for me is to be a catalyst for my growth, while also being the safest place for me to land. It’s incredibly hard to find, but that’s the thing that truly lets me know I’m looking at my person.
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Did y’all know if you actually do the things you promised yourself you’d do, your dreams start to come true??? Isn’t that WILD.
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I love seeing strangers walking around with flowers they just bought. Because you know whether it’s for themselves or for someone else, the intention is to create a beautiful moment. Makes me smile every time.
No more unpopular opinions. Tell the world something that brings you joy
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I’m a very generous person, and my love looks like generosity. I don’t want to be around anyone that makes me second guess if I’m doing too much, or makes feel like I have to hold back my care. This is why going where the love & effort is is so important.
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No one knows what they’re doing. Nobody. Not even the ones with degrees, and big job titles, and more things than you. Not even the people on your vision board. Everyone is just trying loudly, failing loudly, and trying again. And so should you.
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And I realized how often I’m placed on a pedestal by partners and how lonely, and unsatisfying that is. It reflects in how I’m spoken to, how I’m cared for, and even in sex.
You can’t fully experience or cater to me if you’re tied to ideas of me, or have turned me into a trophy
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All them ideas in your journal and your notes app need you. They don’t need a perfect you, a more funded you, or even a more available you. They just need you to do one little thing today, and another little thing tomorrow. That’s all.
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I feel like I’m on the verge of getting everything that I asked for.
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Saying I’m proud of myself in advance. I don’t know what’s on the way this year, but I already know it will be so perfectly made for me. It will be all mine.
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Vacations, nice air bnb’s, luxury hotels, etc are not exclusive to large friend groups or relationships. If you want to go somewhere by yourself, please go. It’s like we don’t even envision a getaway could be just for one person.
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I’m not sure how, when, or why, but I have a feeling that I’m going to have a beautiful end to 2022. Something in my gut is just like… it’s all going to make sense. I’m at peace already.
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I want a partner who’d love me enough to encourage me to rest. Not one who sees all I do and just assumes they can be another task on my list to care for.
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The truth is, Black women who happily date are always going to confuse & anger people. No one envisioned a life of choice for us, especially when it comes to experiencing love/care in multiple ways from different people. We were only ever supposed to “be happy with what we get”
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I don’t want to be in anymore spaces where I can’t fully be myself. My loud self. My black self. My occasionally sexy self. My “takes self care days” self. My “enjoys social media” self. Like I don’t want to be small for any opportunity, any person, or any space.
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Life transitions are so hard. It’s a beautiful place to be , but also a challenging one. I’m moving forward, while also failing and moving backward. I’m finding new parts of me while remeeting old parts. It all makes sense and doesn’t. I’m exhausted but have energy to keep going.
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I want to fall in love this year. Like really be down bad in the best way for someone. Send it my way, Lord.
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I’m taking accountability for how accessible I was to people. I was way too open with my space, my love, my skills and my resources. I’m very excited to be more stingy about me.
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Being slept on can honestly be the best time of your life. You can push every boundary, try anything you want, reinvent, you don’t have to answer to anyone but your own art and gut feelings. Idk if y’all get how free your start can actually be.
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The thing I love LOVE about aging is the “I don’t give a fuck” that sets in. You go from questioning every part of your life to slowly caring less and less until you just do what the fuck you want all the time. That’s something only age brings.
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Social media makes us feel like the prize is just in being seen, but it’s really in creating good things that stand on their own so you don’t have to be in front of an audience all the time. Make better things so you can go rest. That’s the secret.
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My burnout shows up strongly as decision fatigue. I’m not being cute when I say I don’t know what to eat or what to wear or how to instruct you on what help I need or not knowing which friend to call about my break down. My brain literally can’t form a decision right now.
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Catching feelings is actually a lot of fun. Dating is a lot of fun. It’s an experience I don’t want to harden myself away from, I just HAVE to give myself more grace when grieving the endings. And meeting all those parts of me that another person brings to the surface.
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One thing I'm starting to dislike, is how we make everyone's path to success a case study. Not everything is backed by strategy or a "this is how you can recreate it" model. A lot of this is random and is just tied to a person's divine timing. Your path may never be like theirs.
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There’s a slow return to real happening. Real art, real community, real love, real relationships, real change. People want to really feel connected to things again, and this will be my era to thrive.
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Lord, please be gentle with me during this cycle of really liking someone… again. Whatever lesson this will be, please let me land softly after learning it. Whatever good this will be, please let me enjoy it while it’s here. Whatever is after that, I leave to you. Amen 🥲
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2023 was a grief year for me. So many major parts of my life got uprooted, and I had to become a different person just to keep up. I’m proud of myself for evolving, but losing so much in the process of gaining the things you wanted is so heavy.
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May sound childish, but I really like great texters. In fact, I think I need to be with a great texter. And I don’t mean someone who texts back immediately—we’re busy adults. I mean someone who knows how to carry stimulating, fun conversation via text.
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I want a partner who loves their life. I want someone who’s genuinely working on having as much fun as possible making their dreams real. Someone that already knows joy. Please God.
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I love being loved on in a “I see your power and I will help you become more powerful, but I also want you to rest around me” kind of way. Only that from now on please.
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We gotta stop gaslighting ourselves out of our gut feelings.
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A big part of me feels like something big is about to fall in my lap. So I’m getting myself together now, doing little things to improve my own consistency. Whatever is coming I want to be emotionally, physically, financially, and spiritually ready.
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I wonder if we ever sit and think how Black tv shows not only made us laugh, but showed us what being a working/aspiring creative looked like. We had constant representation of Black artistry. That’s so important.
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I often jokingly say “nobody wants me” and I think it gets misinterpreted. I’m not saying I’m not desired or wanted by people, but I am saying it’s rare someone wants to engage me romantically with clarity , it’s mutual, and they are interested in my full personhood.
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So many of us are hurting. So many. I’m so heartbroken over the sheer number of us who don’t have enough. And while “you matter” or “check on your friends” feels like something to say right now, I just can’t. Because I think we’re way passed that point. People need a lot more.
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Something that’s sticking with me from
#SoulMovie
is your passion is not your purpose. Burying your identity in what you “like” to do is honestly just ego. Even your biggest gifts are not all that you are.
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One of my favorite things about unplugging lately is hearing my own opinion again. Like wow, there’s so many conversations I actually do not care about. There’s so many things I actually still enjoy.
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