This is what it felt like being a white point guard playing AAU basketball.

Is it bad that my blood pressure is 153/97?.

Are there any woman peloton instructors that are super hot but also really mean and talk down to you?.

Just came back from an 6 hour twin peaks shift. Scrolling but will not do it!.

Ok 1 more year then I will accept the inevitability of having a disgustingly fat slob wife.

Beginning to believe in the gay again.

I hope the bears lose by 1-3 points to the big mighty vikes this weekend.

Hey @BWWings your new maple bourbon sauce is fucking awful. I wouldn’t feed it to my dog. Fuck you.

Having no friends isn’t even that bad. Just gamble all day 🤣.

I forgot you’re allowed to sit at a bar alone on Wednesdays.

I guess I have to spend my Friday night at twin peaks trying to pick up one of the bartenders 🤷🏻‍♂️.

6 tinder matches today. All 6 on onlyfans 😁.

Just played a par 3 course with 2 90 year old women. One of them hadn’t played in so long that there was a mouse nest in her bag. She had me flip it over to get all the mice out and about 15 baby mice fell out of the bag. Then a hawk flew in and massacred all 15 of the mice.

Hahaha they made me stay at an airport for 12.5 hours just to cancel

This is comparable to the 36 hours I spent in Hennepin County Prison

Been at SLC airport since 6 am off of 2 hrs of sleep last night. No indications on when we’re boarding. Beginning to lose the will to live might just die sitting at the gate.

Haha just had a dream that I was in the Entourage universe and I used Johnny Dramas phone to venmo myself $300k from John Stamos account.

Be careful if you are roaming the skyways of Minneapolis today. Full on revenge of the gays going on.

Fuck just finished Entourage in 2 weeks (5th time watching).

Need to begin acting a tiny bit more gay. It’s become clear to me that women like their men kind of gay. Something I will begin working on.

80% of the reasoning behind this is cuz I’m trying to give up nicotine 🤦🏻‍♂️.