John Delmenico
@thebigjohnnyd
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Following
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Media
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Statuses
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Zoomer writer/comedian with autism and adhd. @Chaser editor and @shot_au contributor. He/Him. Jokes appear angrily read out in senate estimates.
Joined July 2014
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Pinned Tweet
Time to welcome our new overlord the only way I know how
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The Onion has once again done it first
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@abbygov
The way these ‘alpha debate lords’ who target women who aren’t looking for a debate always get absolutely shit on the moment they accidentally get a woman who is ready to debate them is always so funny
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honk
Now that we're back on here, we want to express our support for the Palestinian people, and their right to self-determination, safety and happiness.
An end to this genocide.
An end to apartheid.
Free Palestine.
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Every new Ricky Gervais project is a reminder of how funny Stephen Merchant must be
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The Aussie pride that comes when you learn that even at the height of her fame, Margot Robbie keeps the tradition of lying to Americans alive
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If Dylan Mulvaney was actually to blame for the entire beer industry collapsing due to just one social media post like this article suggests, that would make her by far the most influential person to have ever existed and is honestly such a slay
Beer sales plummeting to lowest level in 24 years amid Dylan Mulvaney fiasco
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the media looking at a homeless man getting murdered and thinking, 'wow, this is a real tragedy for the private schoolers'
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Bruce Lehrmann set out to get people to stop calling him an ‘alleged rapist’ and in a way, he did achieve that
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Watching the rich out-of-touch panel on the Project realise in real time that not everyone is rich is so bizarre
Especially the part where Pingers has to explain that being in a house is safer than sleeping on the street
How do they host the news with no connection to reality?
.
@purplepingers
joined us to run us through how he is listing vacant properties to help people with no home get a roof over their head, legally.
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Triple J hosts are what happens when someone destined to be a youth pastor doesn’t get into religion
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Petition to get the Wiggles to replace the big red car with an electric red car to see how mad Matt Canavan gets
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Petition for Australian of the Year Grace Tame to do a shoey from a moon boot
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Over 3000 tasmanians correctly filling out a ballet with all 39 slots so that Eric Abetz is last is the ideal of democracy finally coming true
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‘I acknowledge that my racist post was factually inaccurate, however I won’t retract it because I stand by the racism that fuelled it’
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Can someone who is good at photoshop give me some advice, i was trying to resize an image of Albo and photoshop automatically created an image that was not consistent with the original. How do i fix this?
Before and after below:
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If Sam Kerr goes to jail for this, becoming a republic would not be enough. I say troops on the ground, full scale invasion of the UK.
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The ABC wants it known that over 900 complaints by the public about Patricia Karvelas being racist on Q+A are a waste of time that dont need to be investigated, but if a pro-Israel lobby group says to fire someone for sharing a human rights watch post, they will do it immediately
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I think you’ll find the answer to that question is all the paedophilia
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This article from a few months ago feels relevant again
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@Dexertonox
@Dexerto
Dont worry, James Sommerton will put out a statement clarifying everything just as soon as another queer creator does one that he can steal
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You would think Newscorp would learn to stop using the Chaser as a source
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To not be considered in housing stress at $700 a week, you would need to be earning over $100k a year, which would put you in the top 20% of earners in the country
We really need to ban rich people from giving analysis on the economy and what is an acceptable amount to pay
So half Sydney apartments rent for less than $700 a week.
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One of the realest fake quotes I’ve ever written
“If Brittany Higgins wanted our sympathy she should have committed war crimes”, says News Corp columnist
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“He should be allowed to call people slurs because his wife has cancer” is truly the sort defence that only an old straight white man could come up with
OPINION: The over-reaction to Jeremy Finlayson’s sledge is yet another episode of virtue signalling from the AFL, criticising a young man whose family is in the middle of a cancer battle.
Read Steve Price's column:
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The worst part about Americans trying to say that Australian gun control laws are a failure is that it forces us to give credit to John Howard.
Disgusting.
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To the Americans trying to make yesterday’s tragedy in Sydney into an argument against gun control:
As a survivor of a different random stabbing, I probably wouldn’t be alive to tweet this if our country had your terrible gun laws.
Sit your asses down and shut the hell up.
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This tweet sadly always remains relevant
The family of Olympic cyclist and mother-of-two Melissa Hoskins has released a statement, after her tragic death on Saturday.
Rohan Dennis, her husband since 2018 is charged with causing death by dangerous driving.
#9News
READ MORE:
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This is a real photo of Canberra right now - this is what the lying mainstream media doesn’t want you to see
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Here's me for
@shot_au
: "I watched all of Sky After Dark’s election coverage and have some fucking concerns"
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Samantha Maiden writing a piece about how disgusting it is to run leaked text messages in a bid to try discredit Brittany Higgins, when only yesterday she literally wrote a piece using those same leaked messages with the same gross framing is top tier hypocrisy
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The crybaby British cop won’t see your tweets about what Sam Kerr allegedly said, but the stupid white bastards in your life will
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Me:
“Oh what the fuck man”
Me after reading it was with a Kyle and Jackie-O producer who was sexually harassing him at a bar:
“Give him Australian of the year”
Jacob Elordi is involved in a police investigation in Australia after allegedly assaulting a radio producer on Saturday.
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the aec is responding to this saying its legal but holy shit this shouldnt be legal for any party to do what the hell?
This was in the mail this arvo.
I thought the Greens had splashed out.
But it's actually a Lib smear campaign.
They must be worried.
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When the rich get $9k extra a year vs when the rich get $4.5k extra a year
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Tweeting about the need to protect the environment from a private jet is the most Labor thing I’ve seen
I wanted to give you an update about the Murray-Darling Basin Plan.
Over the last year it has become clear that major elements of the Murray-Darling Basin Plan were either left to drift or actively sabotaged by the Liberals and Nationals.
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Seen here: the Liberal Party showing more support for a guy suffering a stern talking to over a constitutional crisis than they have any woman who has been the victim of sexual violence
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Congrats to Hasan Piker, usually you need to be with-holding feet pics in order to live this rent free in Pavlou's head
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If a Bond villain said this it would take me out of the film by being too cartoonishly evil
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@theneedledrop
@Kurrco
whats it like being the first adult that Drake has slid into the dms of?
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Here’s me for
@shot_au
:
Even without Robotdebt, Centrelink is a hellscape of cruelty
“I knew the system was going to be painful. But trust me, if you aren’t dealing with Centrelink, you don’t know how painful it really is.”
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Aussies reading that Jacob Elordi punched a Kyle and Jackie O producer who was being a creep
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You’d never guess this headline is about a guy on the run from the police after allegedly murdering his gf
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🚨Personal announcement 🚨
I am now an editor at The Chaser and am excited about some of the changes we will introduce next year to widen our content.
🚨Also announcement🚨
This means I am one of the only editors at an Aussie outlet who hasn’t been on a pro-Israel holiday.
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@subtoconnorpls
i cant wait for him to start ranting about facts not caring about feelings before saying he identifies as a helicopter
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Name an athlete who is usually only remembered for a single, iconic moment.
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For the amount that we rightfully mock Scott Morrison’s shit curry, Albo’s ‘I cooked dinner’ photo goes criminally undermocked
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The loss of George Pell will be felt by many who saw him as a leader in the pedophile community
Cardinal George Pell died this evening in Rome at the age of 81, after complications from a hip replacement surgery he underwent earlier today.
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Love that the ABC has put out a call for autistic writers who want to try journalism
Fucking despise that it’s so they can make a documentary about training them
Disabled people are more than just props for your entertainment. Just teach them the job cause they want to do it.
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This is the hardest that an ‘ai art’ bro has ever been clowned, how do you not just delete your account at that point?
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Reminder that last year the ‘Tillygraph’ said Sam Kerr’s goals are less impressive than men’s goals and she didn’t deserve to be as celebrated for them as much as a man would be
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At this point Australia should enshrine ‘I’m not racist but…’ into the constitution
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With the ruling that a woman's lounge is illegal, I assume that means that all boys clubs will be banned too now right?
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Last year Kmart stopped selling shitty 'Australia day' merch due to low sales and the media threw a tantrum
This year Woolworths stopped selling shitty 'Australia day' merch due to low sales and the media are throwing a tantrum
seems like we have a new yearly tradition guys
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Finally Kmart offering cheap solutions to Australia’s media issues
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"Everyone is a bit autistic"...
No that is not true, and we know that isnt true because if it was lightbulbs wouldnt make that fucking humming noise
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Thank you to The Project for lifting the voices who most need it right now, rich old white men crying about their golf club not being exclusive enough 🙏
'It's not petty'': Former Premier Daniel Andrews is finding it hard to find a Mornington Peninsula golf club to join, and
@StevePriceMedia
tells us why he'd tear up his membership if Andrews joined his club.
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Trying to sassily quote Taylor Swift after people were killed is actually cartoon villain shit.
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@AlboMP
@DanielAndrewsMP
If those steaks were cooked on that bbq, how is it so clean? Where are the grill lines? Why is it off?
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The problem with your tweets aren’t that they are too ‘nuanced’, it’s that they’re racist.
Hope this helps.
I’ve thought about this all day and deleted the original tweet, so just one more post on the matter.
I’m sorry to those I offended. My post was ambiguous and although it was genuinely designed to call out calls for violence, it wasn’t the right place or time which made it easier…
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To any Americans reading this, I’m joking obviously, she is right our mouths are different, it’s an evolutionary thing
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the fundamental issue with aussie media is that it is always people who are this far disconnected from the reality of issues that are controlling the narratives
'just wait for policy changes' is easy for a privileged person to say, but can be deadly for people affected to try
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I am pretty sure if my mate sent me a video of him wanking onto a female colleague’s desk, I would be questioning every decision I had ever made my entire life that led up to that bloke reckoning I would be ok with that. WTF is happening in Parliament House?
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The thumbnail is wrong.
Francesca Albanese said ‘Israel can not claim self defence from a threat in a territory it occupies’ she did not say they have no right to self-defence.
It’s literally in the clip.
This is disgusting spin to push an agenda.
Top United Nations expert Francesca Albanese has told the National Press Club that Israel does not have a right to self-defence in Gaza.
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Shout out to the time my
@chaser
joke was read out in the senate estimates because a senator got mad that Sally Neighbour liked the joke, good times
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Nothing says ‘I’m a cool edgelord’ like refusing to do something no one is asking you to do in this country
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@SimonCollins74
@elonmusk
Lmao cowards? you think I’m scared of a middle aged trust fund kid?
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The American mind can not comprehend this
Tasmania AFL chair Grant O’Brien reveals talks with Warner Bros over use of the Devils name were initially tough.
But things got a lot smoother when the company became aware that the Tasmanian Devil was the actual name of a real animal.
@abcsport
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Wait I just checked an the nuclear for Australia kid has like 1k followers, legit where did abc find this guy and why do they keep platforming him as if he represents what young people want?
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The fact that a news outlet asked Barnaby Joyce about Lidia Thorpe’s drinking and what it says about her capability as a politician because she went to a birthday party when Joyce has voted on laws while drunk and has sexually harassed staffers shows how fucked discourse is here
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I went to Woolworths and was devastated at the lack of merchandise with the history of our troops, I didn’t see a single stolen prosthetic leg to skull a beer out of
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For a ‘political expert’ Peter Van Onselen is one of the dumbest mother fuckers alive
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At school i was given an extract of Tomorrow When The War Began without knowing who wrote it and the teacher asked us to guess what kind of person wrote it, i guessed a racist late 40s white dude who thinks he gets teens
I got in trouble but looking back i was insanely right
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He isn’t an expert, he isn’t a politician and he has 1k followers on here and 1k on insta so he isn’t a notable activist
Legit why is
#QandA
putting on a fringe person with views experts say are wrong?
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Philip Lowe should wear this to the next RBA announcement
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‘Israel just started bombing refugees in Rafah using the Super Bowl as a distraction’
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You will never be them
these 22-year-old girls in situationships are on the case
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Miriam Margoyles bringing a ‘fuck you, I’m talking about Palestine’ energy to being employed at the ABC that their news room editors should be bringing instead
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