Tat2skatermom
@tat2skatermom
Followers
3,989
Following
799
Media
1,203
Statuses
16,608
I’m a single mom to an adult kid who once declared her nickname to be Death Monkey. She’s way cooler than I’ll ever be.
Under the CA sun on the sand
Joined November 2018
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Send us removal request.
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Last Seen Profiles
Pinned Tweet
I’ve always been such a “waiting for the other shoe to drop” type of girl.
I’ve decided I’m now going to be the “throw the shoe at your head and run first” kind of girl.
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Day 12 of 75 challenge…stuck on the bike in a tiny corner, down 15 pounds so far. Only 9 million more pounds to go! Yay me!
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The surgeon said swimming was good for my recovery so floating, tanning & getting buzzed is the same thing, right??
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I’m still salty about being in the office today but I’ve decided to laugh maniacally through it
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Made it to the office. Is the plague over? Or not? Who the fuck knows. This cough may just be part of my personality now 🤷🏻♀️
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This might be my “I woke up at 4:30 am, showered & got fully ready, am leaving for a 3 hour road trip & may stab anyone that cuts me off on the freeway” look.
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I’m hurtin’ something awful this morning. Send help. Wait…is dying an option?
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When your Starbucks cup goes back to normal…it’s the little things that delight me
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I showered & made an effort. It’s very rare it happens so I have to document it.
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It’s also Get Tipsy at the Pool Day. Celebrate accordingly…also.
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Waking up early, driving 3 hours & drinking A LOT of wine when you reach your destination makes for an interesting afternoon
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If you see this while scrolling at home because you’re still off work, my middle finger & I wanted to say good morning & fuck off from the office.
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With the flu lingering, this is the best I could do. Merry Christmas Eve, you filthy animals! 🎄
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Another day, another drink, another pool. I don’t hate it.
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If floating around in the pool eating cheese isn’t living your best life, I don’t know what is…
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Drinking with my kid is so surreal. I love it though. Happy Thanksgiving!
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If being naked under my new heated blanket with one foot poking out so I don’t get too hot is wrong…I don’t wanna be right.
(This is all WAY less sexy than it sounds so calm down.)
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Got to soak up some of the last moments of 2023 in the sun. As it should be.
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I’ve been asked if I’m the same on Twitter as I am in real life.
100%. I am absolutely this annoying, clumsy & fairly boring. And constantly self-deprecating. Definitely.
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I went shopping for new jeans today because I thought I went down 1 size (37 pounds down)
Nope…
I’m 2 (almost 3!) sizes down! Holy shit! Proud of me. Now I need to go eat something bad for me as a reward 😂
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I stand corrected - if I move my body weirdly, use shadows & wear super baggy sweatshirts I can please everyone & hide my boobs! You’re welcome.
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I made it to the pool again - and I blame
@GrimAvenue
for my hard kombucha addiction. I love him for it, but I blame him. I’m such a girl.
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Showered, dressed, makeup and hair done ALL in under 20 minutes. I should get some sort of girl trophy or something, right? Just don’t look too closely 😂
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My boobies are healthy!
That’s it. That’s the good news for the day.
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I may end up practicing sleeping with my eyes open at my desk today if this coffee doesn’t do the trick 🤦🏽♀️
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Back at the office 11 weeks after surgery. I’m not excited about it.
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Remember that one time (last night) when I stayed up way past my bedtime and then woke up and regretted it?
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My 21 yr old had the AUDACITY to wake my ass up before 7am so she could open her presents & then right after she went to sleep.
Now I’m awake for the day.
Merry Christmas! 😐
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When I see a trash bag on the side of the road, my immediate thought is “must be body parts.”
I can’t be the only one, right?
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Fuck sending anyone a naughty pic.
If you’re going to see me naked, I want you to have to struggle to hide the disappointment on your face in front of me.
*DISCLAIMER: none of you are going to see me naked, ok? 🙄
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Realized if I was going to be giving people the finger on a regular basis as I have been lately, my nails need to be on point. 💅
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30 pounds down - I deserve every one of these croutons 😂
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If you make me get in a 15 passenger van with a bunch of children to go look at Christmas lights, I get to bring what I want.
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My adult daughter is 4’9
She informed me that when she left work this morning, her goodbye to her coworkers was “It’s Dec 1st. I’ll see you all on the 26th. Santa needs all his elves for the season.”
😂😂😂 if ya’ll thought I was self-deprecating😂😂😂
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Check on your freezing cold Californians sucking down hot coffee in 49° weather this morning. We are not okay.
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It’s been confirmed.
My pants HAVE been on backwards all morning.
I’m just out here killing this bullshit called life, aren’t I. Fuck.
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Proof of life - 24 days after knee surgery, no lashes, gray hair rampant and my ugly leg brace is taking away the magic of my sundress. Fuck it.
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Does this convey “I need a fucking nap” or “Fuck, I have to fucking pee again” or both? I’m pretty sure it’s both.
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I got my solo salad date at the beach. This makes me happy
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If I wake up with more wrinkles than this tomorrow, I’m gonna be fucking pissed. Getting old is bullshit.
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Is it “Titty Tuesday” or “Im tired and really don’t want to get up Tuesday”...I never get this right.
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Me: 44 yr old tired & grumpy woman with freezing cold feet.
Seeking: Someone’s warm thighs or legs to stick my cold feet under on the couch or in bed to warm them up. No weirdos. Or a weirdo. I don’t give a fuck, as long as you have body heat.
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Ribeye & Lobster - yes, on a paper plate. Fuck doing dishes tonight.
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Also, I just woke myself up at 12am with the loudest snort/snore in world history.
Line up boys, I’m single. 🤦🏽♀️
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I was asked how long I’ve been single and when I answered “I haven’t had a ‘boyfriend’ for over 5 yrs and I haven’t been ‘seeing’ or dating anyone for over 2 years” I realized something.
Hi. It’s me. I’m obviously the problem 🤦🏽♀️
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After 19 days, I have a love hate relationship with this stupid bike. Here I go again.
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Everyone - thanks for being kind - I’m sorry, I should’ve clarified I’m hurting from a self inflicted hangover.
You’re all very sweet but I did this to myself.
It will happen again.
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When you get your hair done…and then have nowhere you need to go 😂
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I’m on a date. By myself.
I brought beef sticks & water for snacks.
I am aware that this is probably why I’m single & on a date with myself 😂
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I look like a human candy cane so the fully filled mimosa makes up for it
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Look, I don’t claim he’s the cutest dog ever but…I mean…
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The face. The body.
And fuck all of you who could fit their hips and ass into a side by side picture. I don’t have that talent.
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California Cold: No pants with slippers and warmed up chicken, cottage cheese & taco seasoning to get my protein in. (I’m even rolling my eyes at myself)
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Woke up & I’ve already done 4 miles on the bike, 2 miles on the treadmill.
Stupid fucking fitness goals for the new year. Ugh.
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3.5 mile beach walk. I’m not saying it was a “hot girl walk” but more like a “middle age woman that needed coffee at the end” walk. That works.
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I am so inept at taking a picture with my face AND body so here two…
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In a class and the instructor keeps saying “penetration” and I think it’s safe to say I am way too immature to be considered an adult.
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I’ve moved from skinny margaritas to gin & tonics.
I didn’t plan to drink tonight. This may not turn out well.
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Setting the coffee timer last night might be the smartest thing I’ve done this year.
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I’m twice the woman she’ll ever be.
~me, explaining I’m chubby
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Ok, all sexual body part jokes aside, holy fuck I can’t wait to eat this.
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I don’t think I was meant to be an artist 😂
Our mother/daughter bonding day was amazing, though.
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If I see ONE more fucking falling star tweet thingy.....well, I’m not gonna do anything. But still.
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My “I had surgery cocktails through an IV” face. Hell of a drug…
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My phone just told me my network was unstable.
Same, girl. Same.
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Us Californians in search of snow & thinking this is a lot 😂
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Hey, newsflash - unless I take an up close photo of my face where you can see my pores, my tits are gonna find their way into that photo.
It’s pretty sad women feel comfortable shaming other women for what our bodies unintentionally grow.
New Twitter is mean.
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I cooked. And I didn’t have to share. It’s the little things that make me happy 😂
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Oh the wrinkles I’ve earned - 10 year challenge
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Hey disrespectful “reply guys” -
If you think you’re being funny/cute/sexy, etc., you’re not. For fuck’s sake, stop being cringey or at least be original.
Good talk.
*this is not a blanket statement. You know who you are.
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I’m not saying my pup is cuter than yours but…oh fuck it, I’m totally saying it.
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I need to work on my sear but I don’t hate it! (Okay, it’s delicious)
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Pro tip (or warning, whatever)
If you have or will ever make me snort laugh, I’ll end up half in love with you.
That’s it, that’s what does it. Nothing else.
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Me: Hey Kid, I’m doing Carnivore the whole month of February.
Kid: You’re gonna smell like steak & bacon
Me: oohhh maybe I’ll find a boyfriend
Kid: That’s not how that works
Ummm…she’s wrong, right?
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Hey, did you all know that the average person walks a mile in 15-22 minutes?
Fuck being average, right? Since it took me longer, that means I’m above average, right? Right??!!?
Excuse me as I hobble away to ice my knee. Fuck.
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The year my dad passed, he planted a pear tree for me. 2 yrs later, the first (and only pear) is ready. ❤️
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When it’s still too hot in California to wear a sweater, I’ve got my sweater nail obsession continuing…
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I think I pulled a muscle in my right ass cheek.
How, you ask?
I’m 42 and I was doing nothing. NOTHING! That’s how.
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I need a monogamous sex addicted husband.
Monogamous (safe sex), sex addicted (I want sex every day) husband (the idea of even liking a man throws me into a anxiety filled tailspin, so a husband because who likes those?)
I think I’m on to something here.
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